does it get easier??

Lilyplonk

GreyQueen wrote: »

Definately a LBM.

Talking to most people my parents' generation, (now early seventies) it was the norm to marry in your early twenties, straight from your own parents' home, and you had beggar all.

Things would be hard for a number of years, especially when there are young children limiting ability to work for the money their support is burning through.

I'm nearly 50, been out in the world since 16 and only got my very own self-contained flat in my thirties. Before that, houseshares and bedsitland. Heck, didn't even own an appliances or more than a few sticks of highly-portable furniture like director's chairs until that time.

I think people are beating themselves up unnecessarily because they feel that they ought to have a fully-furnished and comfortable home right from the start of adult life, and that any hardship is a mark of failure.

It isn't. Most people have been there, sometimes many times as circumstances take their toll and personal fortunes fluctuate during a life-time.

Bear with it. If you need some stiffening for your backbone, read a few books about social history here in the UK, or about life in most of the world now. You are already probably among the most privileged and comfortable people who have ever lived if you have potable running water, a working WC and a weatherproof home.

This is absolutely SPOT ON RIGHT, GreyQueen - unfortunately it all changed around the 60's when 'credit culture and advertising' invaded from the good ole USofA and then again in the 80's with the Technology explosion and the 'I want it ALL and want it NOW!' movement.

I too remember my early years of marriage when we were damn grateful for a 4th-hand suite donated by ex-mil when she got a 'new 3rd-hand one' - and she was in her 60's. She never had a 'brand new suite OR bed' in all her 80+yrs. She brought up 6 boys and none of them ever had a new bed either.

My own first 'brand new bed' was bought about a year after leaving my ex-OH at the age of 39 after 18yrs of marriage. Paid for by putting down a deposit and giving 6weekly payments until it was 'all done'. The guy who owned the shop was lovely - he 'waived' the delivery charge cos he could see I was 'in dire straits' . My current sofas are the first that I've ever owned 'from new' - bought, with great delight, from Ikea 7yrs ago when I was forced to move house and was given a 'Re-settlement Grant' :T.

Every item in my home today has been bought and paid for 'with cash' - including my pride & joy - a brand new King-Size Bed with 4 drawers AND headboard :j.

I finally feel as though 'I've achieved' and I'm now 62 and retired :rotfl:.

Joking aside - my TRUE 'Pride & Joy' are my family of 3 adult children and 5 fabulous grandkids. All 'bought and paid for' with blood, sweat and LOVE in abundance ...

[Deleted User]

Morning lovie, it sounds as though you've decided on change already and what you need is some support to enable you to actually make those changes instead of just dreaming, yes? Take a look at those ads on the TV, not watch them but actually look at how clever the teams that make them are at saying your life is missing this one crucial thing, be it a new 3 piece, the latest gadget, game station, make up, posh snack food etc. etc. etc. thier sole aim in life is convincing you that your life will only be complete and the same as the rest of the nation if you buy sticky chicken lollipops this christmas!!! Oh yeah?? Not I think a reality for 99% of us. I'm getting to be an old bird now and there was a time when I felt that I had to have whatever it was or I'd be ostracised by all my aquaintance until that day arrived when I actually realised that most of my aquaintance were also feeling that way and I was adding fuel to the fire that kept the sense of need alive. So I stopped playing, just like that, I decided that the world could have me as I was, warts and all and that what I'd got by then was perfectly OK. We live a simple life, all that we have is rescued revamped and made loved again. We eat well but not fancy and grow much of our own food too. I'm a scruffy old devil, I don't do new clothes easily but we're always clean and ironed and if the jeans have a few patches it's because they're worn there by our lifestyle. You can learn to cook pet, you can learn to be be discerning about what YOU not the ad men choose to part with your hard earned cash for, you can pick up tips on living within your means on these threads too. There is a wealth of knowledge out here and we'll all be so happy to help you to learn, just ask and you'll be swamped with answers. Good luck with your journey, you'll get there!!! Lyn xxx.

P.s. My friends still like me, even if I don't buy sticky chicken lollipops !!!

ginnyknit

You have to find some joy from somewhere, light candles, dress the dining table( if you have one) and eat something warming including a pudding. Have a look in the library for a simple cookery book and make a basic meal, maybe a stew or casserole. Buy a cheap cake or pie for pud and serve with tinned custard. You dont have to be the worlds best cook, just take your time and learn cheap simple recipes.

We have gone from really good income to bl**dy benefits due to Hubbys illness but have got rid of our debts and live very simply but we have to be good to ourselves and have a nice coffee occasionally to lift our spirits.

Do you have an Ikea nearby? Join the family club which gets you free coffee then buy a couple of their fleeces and safety pin them to the back of your curtains to make a liner - helps with the chilly days. have a look on a few of the O/S threads and pick out ideeas you can use. Hot water bottles are comforting. draught excluders can be made by stuffing a sleeve you have cut off a pair of old jeans or a jumper. Stuff with any old clothes and tie the ends with rubber bands.

Its really does sound as if you have had an LBM, winter can do that. Hope you feel empowered by it and can start with baby steps.

sadbrokegirl

Well things do get better, today more then ever:
1. cooking- with youtube you can cook everything, so try it and you will see how good cook you will become.

2. cold house, well find how old people do it, such as thick curtains on the windows and stuff. My house have the same problem so I just find out how old people used to do back in the day, I even have that hotwater bottles for the bed, I but it in before I go to bed, by the time I reach there my bed is warm.

3. Well money spending, this one is the worse, start by only use cash, is what help me. I take the money from the atm in end of the day, go home leave the bank cards at home and that is the money I have for the week, when finished is finished I will go without. Fast you will realize what are your essencials.

4. Xmas, no one forces you to do a big thing, I dont, In my house we prefer have the cash so we go for bargains in a new year, so we give envelopes, with £10 to £20, we dont bother with trees and wrapping presents. Only worry about the food. we do a list what we want to eat and only by what is in the list.

Dont feel bad about changing how you do your things, because in the end of the day only you are walking in your shoes, you only know what is going on in your life and learn about talking about money, today I talk to everyone about money and how to save, people help me sorting out the little things and look for bargains.
Do sort out your debt, this site help me a lot, I will be debt free in a couple of weeks, Im telling you I can breathe again.
So deep breath and tackle your debt.

Good luck

GreyQueen

Yeah, Lilyplonk, I still can't get my head around the idea of buying new furniture.

About 15 years ago, I needed to move from a furnished place to an unfurnished place with a week's notice. Because I don't have a car and would be hiring a self-drive van, I wanted to tie up the acquistion of something comfy to sit on with the day of the van.

Sourced a sofa through an ad in the shop window, visited the owner via pushbike. It was two sofas, a 2 seater and a 3 seater, and of very good quality. He wouldn't split the pair but wanted only £50 for both of them. I've good spacial awareness and was 99.99% sure the 3-seater wouldn't fit, but bought them both and collected on the day of the move.

3-seater was too big so moved on a Saturday, put it on the Freeads on Mon morning, sold it £50 on the Thursday. Called the remaining 2-seater my bog-off sofa.:p

Went along happily for several years until friend offered my her leather sofa. We borrowed another friend's van to move it a mile across the city, and I advertised the other sofa and sold it for £50 a few days later.

I'm now ahead by £50 and still have a sofa. Kept leather sofa for 10 years (and it was about 5 years old when I had it) and it was getting very worn and the foam compressed. Priced up re-doing the seat foam myself and decided not viable. So scouted for the replacment, which was almost identical, in 2012.

One leather sofa in as-new condition from a chazzer for £110.00 Identical sofa new on the website was £1,199.99. Of which 20% would go straight to the VAT man, of course. Old leather sofa was offered as an old worn leather sofa and taken away via Freecycle.

Will expect to get 10-15 years use from this sofa and will then be in the market for another secondhand one.

The reason for this waffle is to demonstrate that you can, with patience and a bit of savvy, live quite comfortably.

I could have "afforded" the sofa at full-price if I'd wanted to buy it, but preferred to put my savings towards replacing my mattress. The old one, which had got a bit soft for me but was spotless, went to a grateful young man starting out on solo life, via Freecycle.

Spread the benefit, say I.

Lilyplonk

'Bog-Off Sofa' - :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

GreyQueen

Lilyplonk wrote: »

'Bog-Off Sofa' - :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It creased up my Grandad, too. He passed only 6 months after I moved to that flat but he was vastly amused by it. We have a few ancestors who were into a bit of buying and selling and the traits seems to have come out in my brother and myself.

Free furniture is so lame when you can have bog-off furniture.

meritaten

When I married, back in the late seventies it was the norm for young couples to either live with in-laws or rent 'rooms' in older peoples houses. and you started out with your wedding presents and bu99er all else! you then started haunting the secondhand shops, begged unwanted items of furniture off friends and relatives, scoured the For Sale adds - looking back, it did teach the value of money and looking after your things. at the time we did feel a bit like 'second class citizens' as the TV and all the magazines implied we should have a 'show home' not what looked more reminiscent of a junkyard!
at least you have had the LBM early!
and let me reassure you hun - it DOES get better! the only thing is.........I still don't like buying new! OH has to persuade me into it!

Linda32

Yes, it does get easier.


I always find things much more manageable if you break things down. That way you are in control of all aspects.


With regards to debt, there are some brilliant and helpful people on the debt free wannabe board above. 3rd from top I think. They will help you no end.


When myself and OH moved in together we had his portable TV and top loader video and his bed from home. His Mum gave us the sheets which she had bought for that bed. I'm not saying we have never had credit, we did, but it does come to an end.


Regarding your questions, would you like to be able to cook? No one can do everything. If you would like to, then what would you like to cook? Someone here will be able to help.


It is normal to wear PJ's in bed in the winter btw and we have blankets by choice instead of duvets. We like the weight and think they are warmer. The OH is pleased I wear socks in bed as I've always got cold feet.


Christmas can be the biggest waste of money ever invented. If you let is be. Its only one day a year where you have a roast dinner with a pudding if you don't normally have one. Try to ignore the rest of it.


HTH

storytime

It just got easier for you with your LBM. Now you need to work out your priorities. Learn to cook, clear your debt and build up an emergency fund. I second everything that has been said on here. I've had the show home , new furniture etc and the only thing worth having out of that is leather sofas and chairs( childproof & less cleaning) and a wool duvet from John Lewis ( warm as toast).
Then you can sit back and decide what to do with your life. I now realise that having some savings behind us is a life enhancing thing. For us stuff doesn't matter it's experiences . It doesn't have to be expensive, for us it's walking on the beach ( we live near the sea) , taking our DGS swimming. Then there are the treats, planning a holiday or day out or going to a concert. Something that will give you great memories but not clutter up you home.