does it get easier??

ILoveEoin

Good early morning all:)

Quick question does it get easier/better?

I am wide awake thinking I will be married 2 years soon and nothing changed:( very much in love but still massive debt, I still cant cook, no money. Am I doin something wrong? Is it normal to sleep in full pj's, socks, dressing gown and blanket because my house is freezing? When do ppl grow up stop wasting money? When do I realise christmas only one day and it not goin be like the films??

cornishchick

Sounds like you are taking the first step to realise that now,
It takes hard work and not giving up to change things.
Our first year together was a struggle, but we talked about everything, agreed sacrifices and moved forward, making savings, paying of debt. And finding ways to make memories with out spending money.
So yes it does get easier, but it takes hard work and determination and working together to get there. Decide on your mutual goals and make plans on how to get there.
Hugs my sweet. Be strong.

Desperate_Housewife_2-2

Seriously, it sounds like you are having a lightbulb moment! At least you know its not going to be easy but in years to come you will be glad you went in this direction.


We found it really hard when we started out, no money, nobody to help with the kids etc. I used to stay up all day to look after the kids and work nights (separate ones in the week) and then stay up all day again because we couldn't afford childcare. I am a nurse so it wasn't easy work. However, we are doing ok now the kids are grown up and they know the value of money and are really thrifty too!


Why not read Amy Dacyzn's book? It was a turning point for me and changed my attitudes from feeling like a 2nd class citizen because of my lack of money towards feeling empowered about it all. I am out and proud about being a tightwad!
Here it is... good luck
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Complete-Tightwad-Gazette-Dacyczyn/dp/0375752250/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1387096414&sr=8-1&keywords=tightwad+gazette

GreyQueen

Definately a LBM.

Talking to most people my parents' generation, (now early seventies) it was the norm to marry in your early twenties, straight from your own parents' home, and you had beggar all.

Things would be hard for a number of years, especially when there are young children limiting ability to work for the money their support is burning through.

I'm nearly 50, been out in the world since 16 and only got my very own self-contained flat in my thirties. Before that, houseshares and bedsitland. Heck, didn't even own an appliances or more than a few sticks of highly-portable furniture like director's chairs until that time.

I think people are beating themselves up unnecessarily because they feel that they ought to have a fully-furnished and comfortable home right from the start of adult life, and that any hardship is a mark of failure.

It isn't. Most people have been there, sometimes many times as circumstances take their toll and personal fortunes fluctuate during a life-time.

Bear with it. If you need some stiffening for your backbone, read a few books about social history here in the UK, or about life in most of the world now. You are already probably among the most privileged and comfortable people who have ever lived if you have potable running water, a working WC and a weatherproof home.

RosiePuddingPaws

It can be hard starting out, but you have worked out things need to change.

There is nothing to stop you learning to cook. There is plenty of help on the OS board or you could join the library and pick up a cook book or two and try a few things. Okay, some things won't work out but many will and we all had to start somewhere. You might like to join the queue asking for a copy of the JackieO's misers cookbook. I've no doubt (although I haven't seen it yet) that the recipes will be cheap but good.

Debt can be tackled, although it takes time. Take a look at the Debt Free Wannabe board for inspiration.

Being cold in bed is miserable. If you have another blanket, or a spare duvet, put it on top of the mattress. More layers beneath you really help.

If you need regular friendly support or advice, join the Doorstop thread (forget it's exact name) on the OS board. The people there are wonderful!

Good luck.

RPP

happycrafter_2

It is hard starting out but it does get easier as you learn little tips and tricks that make things less stressful. I have been with my hubby for 20 years dmp for the last 5 years and I was upset yesterday cause the heating isn't on full blast and the kids came down putting a coat on (it wasn't that cold and he was just wearing a tshirt under it so I said to put on a jumper instead but just seeing him do that made me feel useless that we messed up our finances). Money is tight but we eat better than ever as everything is made from scratch no ready meals now, sometimes meals I make are never mentioned and definitely never cooked again lol

thriftwizard

It does get easier. And if you let it, it may even become fun, as you become more confident of your ability to cope whatever life throws at you; it may seem disheartening at the moment but you are just beginning to learn invaluable skills & a can-do attitude. Twenty-five years ago, just after leaving my well-paid job as it became clear that offspring number two was going to follow hot on the heels of number one, I'd have been astonished to think that, but gradually I've got to the point where it's an interesting challenge rather than dire necessity.

For example, we have a bedroom in dire need of a total revamp; think artexed walls, holes in the plaster and in the ceiling, black gothic teenage handprints on the woodwork, ripped-out fitted wardrobe framework, carpet gone years ago & purple paint spilt on the old floorboards. Instead of calling in the professionals and buying new furniture, I'm taking advantage of being self-employed & thus able to carve some time out to tackle it myself. I'm taking pride in learning new skills - plastering, here I come! - and finding bits to fit the character of the room & the house on Ebay, Gumtree and from our local Tip. Some of these will need some attention with glue & tacks, a paint pot or a sewing machine, all skills I've taught myself over the years, having been stuck on the academic track at school and pretty clueless originally. It probably won't look anything like a glossy magazine spread when I've finished, but I'll be proud of it all the same, and I'm enjoying the process, where years ago I'd have slunk around torn between terror that my neighbours might find out and horror that somehow I'd got us into this mess of not just being able to buy whatever we wanted.

And Christmas shouldn't be like it is in the films or on the adverts. We're celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace, who was born in a stable (just imagine how Mary felt about that) trained as a chippy & lived his life on the road in an occupied country. It's also a marking of the turning of the year, when the days start to get longer again so we know Spring is just around the corner, although the coldest part of winter is still before us. The giant consumer-fest it's been turned into is a travesty of what it's all about, from whatever religious perspective you look at it. The market trader in me wants you to go out & spend money, but that really isn't what it's all about.

Yes, it does get easier. All you have to do is change the way you look at it, not the situation; you are learning skills & lessons that will be with you for life & stand you in very good stead. I laughed the other day when I overheard one of my sons saying something very complimentary about my cooking; the young career-girl me who struggled to boil an egg would never have believed it, and believe it or not, it'll be you writing or saying this one day to a whole new generation of "lost" ones.

lessonlearned

Definitely sounds like a lightbulb moment.

The good news is you are having yours when you are young - much better now than when you are older.

Some great advice on here.

Re the cold bed - do you have a hot water bottle. Perhaps Santa could bring you an electric blanket - they don't cost much to run. Cheaper to heat a bed than a room.

Have a look at the preparing for winter thread for ideas about reducing heating bills, cheap insulation etc.

Try to be positive in your approach to moneysaving, treat it as a game and a challenge and that way it becomes less of a chore.

Warning - moneysaving is addictive.:rotfl:

Seriously after a while it can become fun, getting bargains, steeeetching your pennies etc, beating the "system".

Start with a spending diary. Record everything you spend - you'll soon see where you can start to cut back.

Hang around these boards - there is some great advice and you will learn loads.

Don't forget to allow yourself a small treat now and then. A few little luxuries can go a long way to make you feel better and less deprived.

Don't forget the best things in life are often free - a lovely sunrise or sunset, a walk in the fresh air.

Make good use of your library, look out for cheap days out, vouchers, offers etc.

You don't need to spend a fortune to have fun.

I've found it's all about changing your mindset - do that and the rest follows naturally.

Christmas is upon us - try to relax and have some fun. Then come the new year your new money saving can begin in earnest.

[Deleted User]

It does get a lot easier eventually I can remember when back in the 1960s we were dreadfully broke and had spent £9.00 to buy lino for the sitting room in our grotty flat.The bedroom was far too cold to sleep in so we lit the open fire in the sitting room and slept on the put-you-up sofa.We had some left over lino after my late OH fitted the rest down, and we used that as heating on the fire (lino burns beautifully)
I can remember now almost 50 years later how warm and cosy we were watching the fire shadows on the ceiling flickering away, snuggled up against the cold weather and the rain beating on the rattling windows(no double glazing in those days ).Of course the best way to keep warm is to snuggle down with your Oh and make your own heat;);):rotfl:
You definitely have had your light bulb moment honey
Good luck to you both in the future

thriftwizard

On a practical level, can I just mention wool here? No amount of polyester duvets or acrylic jumpers will keep you as warm as one made of wool. Yes, it's a bit harder to look after, and quite rightly much more expensive to buy new, but I'm always picking up wool blankets being sold as dog bedding or wool jumpers for 50p or a pound at the car boot sales; if they're damaged, I felt them in the washing machine, cut them into squares & make "patchwork" blankets. It's very much more insulating than almost any reasonably-priced artificial alternative. If, like me, you find it scratchy, put a layer of cotton or similar between it & you.

115K

ILoveEoin wrote: »

Is it normal to sleep in full pj's, socks, dressing gown and blanket because my house is freezing? When do ppl grow up stop wasting money? When do I realise christmas only one day and it not goin be like the films??

I had a bit of a lightbulb moment a few years ago when our heating broke and we were sleeping shivering in all our clothes with blankets and we were still cold. It was the really cold, snowy winter, 2010 I think.

In my opinion an emergency fund is essential if you want to deal with out of the blue money problems. Try to have one and build it up slowly. Pay off any high interest debts, pay yourself first when money comes in, which means know your outgoings and stick to a budget.:cool:

There is lots of good advice on this forum about paying off debts, easy recipes, saving money and generally lots of good humour.:)