Should I stop

SimonSays

So the concensus is that I should stop. Feels wrong slightly as Ive done nothing wrong/.

DigForVictory

It really isn't you, it's them.
"The best revenge is a life well lived" - so grieve for your grandfather (find where he's buried & leave flowers?) & then focus on living well.
Write a letter every year to your niece. File it with your Will.
Plan to outlive them.

piglet25

I have to agree with the last post here, its a good plan I cut two half sisters out of my life and we had been very close for a long time but eventually their masks came off and they showed their true colours. They now live in a different country and to be honest a different planet would still be too close.
I would make a sort of memory box for your niece, with notes and cards in, and letters from you and hopefully one day you can give it to her and she will realise that any negative comments she may have heard about you were wrong and she will form a relationship with you xx

Toto

It seems to me that this current situation is bringing you nothing but pain. You have to change something for it to get better. Clearly they are not going to change their minds any time soon no matter what you do.


I know how awful it is to be blamed for something you haven't done, it really hurts, so I can only imagine how horrible this is for you not being able to clear your name and have a relationship with your family. But you have tried, you have done all that you can do, the problem is with them so there is nothing to be gained from keeping the contact going. All this current situation is doing is opening up the wound and making it fresh again. You have to move on, stop the contact and concentrate on other things in your life. Fill your life with the things which bring you joy, friends, hobbies, whatever it is.


I usually find that the truth comes out in the end, even if it's years later. Someone in the family will know the truth and they will either slip up or repeat the behaviour. But, bury that thought and move on for now, they are not the gatekeepers to your happiness, you are

SimonSays

As for laying flowers. How would I find what cemetery he is in? The person I spoke too was sure it was one but isn't 100%

SimonSays

Oh if I mention my niece in my will and she isn't at the same address would the solicitor search for her or would she need to make a claim to the goverment

Parsimonia

I'd continue to send cards (just cards, not cheques or presents) for Christmas and birthdays even if they're not acknowledged. Blood is thicker than water, and you obviously still love them despite their unfair treatment, so you should continue to express that love towards them. Continue to be magnanimous, even if it doesn't work - at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried & tried & tried your best. You can still get on with your life and be happy, but making the effort a few times a year won't hurt you and may have the opposite effect of making you feel good about yourself.

I hope one day they hold out an olive branch to you, and that you grasp it with both hands - they're squandering a gem of a person, and one day they may wake up to that fact. I truly hope do, because you deserve it.

elsien

SimonSays wrote: »

I guess I could keep the cards for my niece. What are the chances of her knowing about me and seeking me out?

Honestly? Probably fairly slim if she has the rest of her family around her and you're not mentioned. There was a falling out in our family years back, when I was a kid. I didn't find out I had a whole set of relatives for about 30 years when there was a reconciliation of sorts. I feel a mild curiosity about them, but not strongly enough to get in touch.
I think whatever you decide, it needs to be for you not your niece. Lots of nieces, nephews, cousins etc don't see each other from one year to the next - it's not always that close a relationship even in families that are talking to each other.
I just feel if you're pinning your hopes on the niece getting in touch you're setting yourself up to be disappointed. And however well meaning your motives, it could look odd to your brother sending her stuff if you're not able to make the effort with him.
I thin if your brother won't build bridges you're a bit stuck, really. Concentrate on building up good relationships in the life you have now. As a childless person, I want to make sure my nieces and nephews are ok, but I'm pretty sure it means more to me than it does to them.