How often do your children see their father?

louise_1981

bucksliz wrote: »

Thanks Louise1981. What do you have in mind? That I ask his parents if they will have a word with him or that they have the children to stay? I do make sure the children see his parents as often as possible, though it's me who takes them round not my ex! :rolleyes:

maybe his parents, or brother/sisters could make him see sense! how about his girlfriend? are you two on speaking terms, or does she see you as a treat.

When I was younger, my dad refused to let us change our surnames to that of my mothers madien name, even though he would only call once every 6 months, but it was his wife who made him see sense, and my grandad, his dad, who put those words in her ear!

could this be a team effort, to make him see how much he is missing out on?

bucksliz

louise_1981 wrote: »

how about his girlfriend? are you two on speaking terms, or does she see you as a treat.

Possibly.......or maybe a threat?! lol:rotfl:

bucksliz

shoppergal wrote: »

bucksliz,

how did you get on with the ex last night? hope the talk went ok.

Not really got anywhere yet. He has just picked them up for the first time in a week as he has been ill. (how come we don't get to phone in sick?!:rolleyes: )
I'll have another try when hwe drops them back but to be honest it's not looking good. He still seems to like the idea of me asking him to have the children to stay rather than have them on regular nights.

Bestthingsinlifearefree

How sad these threads are.

We have become a society of weekend dads, kids who don't know who their dads even are, dads who won't take responsibility for their children, mums who move from partner to partner etc etc

what a mess and it is always the children who suffer.

Not having a go at any one. I just think every child deserves a loving mum and dad. Some of us adults should take a bit more responsibility about our choices in life to make sure this happens.

bucksliz

Bestthingsinlifearefree wrote: »

How sad these threads are.

We have become a society of weekend dads, kids who don't know who their dads even are, dads who won't take responsibility for their children, mums who move from partner to partner etc etc[quote/]

and your point is.......:(

findingmyownway

i think bestthingsinlifearefree was talking in general terms, not meaning to upset anyone on this thread.

hows it gone bucksliz?

i'll put my 2p in - up until a few weeks ago we had OH 3 kids either fri or sat night + tuesdays for tea. Things have changed lately as eldest has moved in with us (loooong story) and so we now have them all sunday until tuesday and eldest stays til friday before going to see her mum for a day and then all come back on sunday again. working well at the minute (and we still get saturday night to ourselves which is important IMO.)

ben500

bucksliz wrote: »

Bestthingsinlifearefree wrote: »

How sad these threads are.

We have become a society of weekend dads, kids who don't know who their dads even are, dads who won't take responsibility for their children, mums who move from partner to partner etc etc[quote/]

and your point is.......:(

I think the point is society is fvcked up! There is no incentive for couples to resolve their problems anymore, single mothers have assistance poured on them and solicitors preying on them and stirring up couldrons of hate in order to plump out their bank accounts, social workers generate discord in order to justify their positions, campaign groups and help groups thrive on the handouts available. What happened to in sickness and health for richer for poorer? I'll tell you what happened Maggie and her mob threw it down the toilet and we are seeing the results today and will do for a long time.

N71

We split up 5 1/2 years ago when DS was 3 1/3 and DD was 10 months old.

At the start, he had them every other Saturday night - but then he'd call my early Sunday morning (like 6am!), to say he'd run out of nappies/DD was crying!/or some other excuse. IMHO he was checking I was home on a Sunday morning!!

This lasted for approx 6 months, then he got a girlfriend who didn't like him to have contact with me (he told me this!). So he didn't bother to see them at all for 4 months - but he'd secretley phone them when she was out!

Then he got dumped, felt sorry for himself and started seeing them alternate weekends again.

Then he met a new girlfriend - and the kids got dumped again!

This has pretty much gone of for 5 1/2 years. I'd love my kids to have a proper, regular relationship with their dad but he doesn't seem to understand this. I've never said a bad word about him to the kids - when DD asks where he is or if she can see him, i tell her he's 'busy at work'.

At worst, he didnt' contact them for 7 months, then phoned asking to speak to DD. DD didn't want to speak to him, and said to him over the phone 'i'm busy making cakes' (which she was) - he obviously blamed me for this saying i'd told her to say it! DD may only be 6, but she knows her own mind and has her own opinions.

DS is a different matter - he's 10, but has severe learning disabilities and severe autism. Ex couldn't accept this. Even when Ex has had DD to stay over (approx 4 times in 5 years), he's refused to take DS as he can't manage him and doesn't think he can 'do his nappies'!

Now when they see him, DS isn't the slightest bit interested - he may as well be a stranger, and DD isn't much friendlier.

I think about the future and think that ex is going to be a very lonley, bitter old man!

poppyscorner

bucksliz wrote: »

The fact that my dd age 7 called his girlfriend "mummy" by mistake last week took all my patience reserves! I just smiled and said "never mind...I called my teacher mummy when I was little" then had a good cry when she had gone to bed.

:grouphug:

Bucksliz sending you hugs.

I posted earlier in the thread about our ex situation my hubbys DD occasionally refers to exs new partner as dad hubby never says anything and she corrects herself (we have never said anything just made sure she understands that she can call whoever whatever she feels comfortable with but she only ever has one mummy and one daddy she tells us her mum says she has to call him dad so ex has been questioned about it and says that DD usually does it when their new DD is saying daddy. It doesn't stop it ripping my OH to bits though and tbh it is getting less and less now she is 8 coming up. She has referred to me as mum once whilst here I never reacted to it and she quickly said 'I mean.....' she also states that she gets told off at home for being close to my parents (she is actually closer to them than my hubbys parents) and she calls them grandma and grandad she never corrects herself with this and she knows who they really are she just started calling them it though she doesnt call my sister aunty or anything like that but I have to say she is well treat by my parents who spoil her at christmas and birthdays and will play games with her read to her etc they show no difference between her and my sons but she often talks about how sad it makes her when her mum tells her off about it.

After all that rambling just want to say your DD will know exactly who is who even at her young age and you are handling it in exactly the right way even though it tears you apart it is a very difficult situation for all concerned (you and the kids) and it is made worse when you feel they are an inconvenience to daddys new life and you are left picking up the pieces it isn't fair at all and you have my sympathies but as I have said before if he doesn't want the contact you cant force him and if he continues to be a t**t the kids will learn that for themselves as long as you have given him every opportunity then you can't be blamed for his actions.

You are correct you arent superman so enjoy your time with them they grow up so quick and they will gain a lot from a level headed reasonable mum like yourself they really will and when they are grown you can have a smug look on your face and be proud you did it by yourself.

Some blokes just don't deserve to have the opportunities they have my hubby would have killed for what you are offering your ex.

Good luck and I hope you get something sorted

Poppy x

happychikadee

I have had similar problems in the past. I split up with my daughters dad 8 years ago. He used to have her one night a week. Her dad would change his mind at the drop of a hat, thinking I had met someone, and then not have her at all. He has hurled abuse at me infront of our daughter and up until the age I couldn't bluff her anymore, I would always tell her daddy got up on the wrong side of the bed and was tired! For a few months everything would be fine but then he would go off on one and then not see her when arranged or telephone her when he said he would. I have never bad mouthed him to my daughter as I believe she has the choice to decide what she thinks by his actions. After 8 yrs of the same thing and seeing what it was doing to my daughter I decided to cease all contact as he just wouldn't listen to reason and was too bothered in what I was doing to see what it was doing to our daughter. I then told him he had to go through mediation to get contact. This helped a little but unless the people involved are willing tostick to what is best it just wont work. However, for my situation, the ceasing contact and my daughter turning round and telling him she would help him get help for his poorly head that makes him so crazy, this all seemed to have done the trick. My daughter knows that I am the one to rely on and in times of trouble she wants me, but she has accepted daddy loves her, as I am always telling her, but just can't show it int he same way as mummy. For the last 4 months he see's her fortnightly for the weekend. She has often come home early but this is the best it has been for over 8 years. I am happy that she knows she has a stable home when she comes home to me and I am lucky as she is a very grounded level headed and funny young lady even though she has been through the mill somewhat