How often do your children see their father?

bucksliz

:T Thank you so much, all of you, for your replies and advice. I spoke to ex on Sunday and suggested he should think about what he considers reasonable and I will do the same and we will discuss this evening. He just came to collect the children and didn't even speak to me! Not a "hello" or anything! I wouldn't welcome other people into my home if they did that so why should I let him be so rude?

Thinking of telling him he can wait in the car when he picks up unless he can be civil! :mad:

Elle00

bucksliz wrote: »

:T Thank you so much, all of you, for your replies and advice. I spoke to ex on Sunday and suggested he should think about what he considers reasonable and I will do the same and we will discuss this evening. He just came to collect the children and didn't even speak to me! Not a "hello" or anything! I wouldn't welcome other people into my home if they did that so why should I let him be so rude?

Thinking of telling him he can wait in the car when he picks up unless he can be civil! :mad:

Oh good, another seventeenth century !!!!!! who'd have you cuckolded as a scold given the opportunity... :rolleyes:

Sorry hun but he sounds like my ex; do as I say and if you complain you'll have to be punished (in this case you spoke out of turn so he ignored you).

I just don't know what to suggest, I'm in a similar situation myself.

Katie~baby

We see my partners daughter every other weekend from saturday evening until sunday evening. Its not enough as far as we are concerned. We were having her every weekend but this reduced the csa by £2 a week and my partners ex was outraged!! So she stopped us seeing her every week! Prevouis to this we didnt see her for 4 years because of the mother! But again thats a whole different thread! lol

So because of £2 which we said we wouldnt bother about, but shes already got herself on one by then, we now see her for about 24 hours every fortnight! The ex makes no attempts to offer anything more and we dont get to see her on birthdays, we get xmas evening until boxing day though!! She wouldnt dream of letting her round for tea in the week or asking if we would like to go to school plays etc. Its the child that will lose out in the long run. We are in contact with the school so make arrangements ourselves (which she HATES!) and on a few occassions have asked for extra weekends!

I think its great that you are willing to discuss things with your ex your children will thank you for all your effort in the future! I cant beleive the new partners who dont encourage fathers to see the children! I knew full well that his daughter was a part of him and i accepted it!!

I hope everything goes ok! x x

borderlakland

my ex sees our kids from fri eve to sun eve once every 3 wks then occaisionally for bit longer if his wkend falls right during half term etc then 2 sep whole wks in summer

my oh wants to see his dd but his ex puts up obsticles so often he is on the verge of trying to get his sol to step in.she is 3 & half and has stayed here in past overnight with no probs(she has whale of a time) now she has said his dd can't stay weekdays as she has nursery(we only live 5 mins away) wkends she keeps coming up with excuses why he can't have her to stay
for daytime visits she says he can't have he certain days as her mum looks after her the only days she willingly agrees to are those she knows he works(he works nights so having her between shifts is almost impossible) he has talked to sol & she thinks its to do with csa as she would get payments reduced if dd stayed here 1 night a week

shoppergal

my partner and I have his son one night during the week, and then alternate between having him 1 night and 2 nights every weekend. (if you know what i mean).

Sometimes it's tough because it means we have no weekends at all to ourselves but that's the joys of children isn't it!!!

i think you should definitely get your ex to take on more. I suppose you can't force him but I would really push it as much as you can. Why should you have all the responsibility? and don't feel guilty about wanting some time to yourself, your only human

louise_1981

Hi could I take a different perspective.

if your OH is being so pigheaded why not try his parents, obviously this depends on their age and capabilities, and if they are still around! But I think the grandparents are often left out in situations like this.

louise

nicola1982_2

I guess it depends how close you live to one another. My OH sees his son every other weekend and will have him one or two nights (this is because his ex can't drive, he can't drive but me and her parents can, so they have to arrange it based on our schedules, work etc). She lives a 45 minute drive away so we couldn't take him for just an evening.

When all is said and done it is his decision, he may not feel his home is suitable for children to stay in overnight, he may feel scared by the prospect, have you asked him why? The one think I will say is though - DO NOT in any circumstances slag him off to your children, as tempting as it is, it hurts them more than him.

bucksliz

louise_1981 wrote: »

Hi could I take a different perspective.

if your OH is being so pigheaded why not try his parents, obviously this depends on their age and capabilities, and if they are still around! But I think the grandparents are often left out in situations like this.

louise

Thanks Louise1981. What do you have in mind? That I ask his parents if they will have a word with him or that they have the children to stay? I do make sure the children see his parents as often as possible, though it's me who takes them round not my ex! :rolleyes:

He is coming over tonight to "discuss" how often he will have them to stay as last time we got nowhere. This whole thing is turning into something far bigger than it needs to! I'm sure most fathers end up in a battle to see their children more often - with him it seems to be the other way round! I think he has made a new life for himself and now the children are an occassional distraction, I don't doubt that he loves them but he is more like a distant relative than a father.

Oh and nicola1982 I would NEVER complain about heir father to them. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to keep their relationship alive, as I know how important is is now and in the future that they see their father. But I am not superwoman! The fact that my dd age 7 called his girlfriend "mummy" by mistake last week took all my patience reserves! I just smiled and said "never mind...I called my teacher mummy when I was little" then had a good cry when she had gone to bed.

Diamonds_2

Don't upset yourself with your little girl calling her mummy, it was a slip of the tongue, she doesn't think of her as mummy and never will, my son calls me dad when he first comes home from his dads!

In our case my ex see's our son for 2 nights per week, it used to be Tuesday nights straight from school and he would take him to school the following morning and then he'd have him either the Friday or Saturday night (we did it alternately)... that was when we lived in the same town! now I live about 40 mins away so rather than have him midweek he has him from Friday tea time until Sunday tea time.. works well for us all, we're both with new partners and have a child each with them.

shoppergal

bucksliz,

how did you get on with the ex last night? hope the talk went ok.