Single mums how do you cope.

ska_lover

You are bound to feel anger towards your ex. He has shat on you. (to put it bluntly)

People always do promise stuff, but whoever they are and whatever we are doing, we are all struggling to keep our own heads above, and when the reality of actually doing the favour we have promised comes round, it don't always sound so appealing. At the end of the day we all only truly have ourselves to depend on hun

sweetme

clearingout wrote: »

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and see the positive. You have a child who you have sole care of and who you get to bring up in whatever way suits you best. You get the tough stuff, yes, but you also get the good stuff. Why is the ex out of the picture?

Harsh, really harsh. Have you never had a weak moment and just wanted to know that you're not alone? Why are you asking why the ex is out of the picture? What does that have to do with anything?

ska_lover

I think clearing out needs clearing out to be honest. I don't think a jot of useful information will come from that poster, and let's stay focused on the OP

clearingout

sweetme wrote: »

Harsh, really harsh. Have you never had a weak moment and just wanted to know that you're not alone? Why are you asking why the ex is out of the picture? What does that have to do with anything?

because if there is a possibility he can be encouraged/supported to come back into the picture then the OP would have some much needed support and time off which she clearly feels she would like.

And because plenty of women play games with contact and if the OP was one of these (not suggesting for one minute she is), discussing any concerns may help overcome any issues she has with her ex caring for their child. Ultimately, that would be a win-win for both parents and the child.

Sadly, you make a lot of assumptions about me and woosh, any benefit that might be had from my not inconsiderable experience in child (and baby) contact issues is lost because I don't happen to feel the need to go be 'soft' about things.

clearingout

ska_lover wrote: »

Flounce? LOL do you do a lot of flouncing? :rotfl:

Chill out, that isn't what the OP meant.

The OP is actually a working mum herself

where I have suggested she is anything other than a working mum? My point is that being a 'single mum' means many things to different people. And being a busy, lonely, lost and fed up mum is something most mums can identify with. You don't need to be a 'real' single mum to understand what the OP is going through.

ska_lover

Clearing out, I think everyone's experience is valuable to help and support a new single parent, it's just that your posts can come across as rather harsh/argumentative, beginning with your first post where you leapt in with a touch of name calling...

Single parents get enough judgement and intolerance, without it coming from someone in a similar position

lonelymummy

Oh thank you I cant keep quoting everyone but yes I am already stronger than I thought I would be and I do have many positives in my life. Muddle through seems like good advice to me. I too have a washing mountain and dishes in the sink.

There are days when I do not see another adult and days where I cant have 5 mins without my child until bedtime. Things like realising I don't have enough milk for the breakfast on an evening and I cant go out to get some.

My child is my life and when i look at him through eyes that sting with tiredness my heart melts. I'm going to bed now but thank you for keeping me company and showing me that it can be done.

One last word clearingout I may be lonely but I am relieved that I am not so bitter as to feel the need to be so spiteful. And I can go to bed knowing that compared to you I'm actually not that stressed. Thankfully I have had other replies because I would have felt a hundred times worse reading yours.

angelsmomma

Lonelymummy, I knew exactly what you meant by a real single mum. My ex left when I was pregnant and did not visit much and still only comes when it suits him. He didn't pay any child support for several years either and it was very lonely and exausting.

I have never had a boyfriend as I was too tired to even think about it at first and all the people who say they will babysit never really came through when asked so it just made me feel worse to be let down. Both my parents had long gone so it is and always has been just the two of us.

But the good news is it does get better as he gets older and it is so worth it. My son is 12 now and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I love being his mum so much.

justme111

Ah I almost cried at readi.g replies. Girls , don't argue , we are all on a sliding scale in it with ones with supporting exes amicable separations extended helpfull family near by, new partner and a rewardi.g part time job sorted financially on one end and not receiving anything non existant or angry exes , no family and living on breadline in isolation on another. I understand what op meant with regards to "real " ,single ones as I understand ones that can be in worse situation than she is. Yup , almost cried at reading this thread (that's me being sober !) . You can probably tell my single mum experience left me with unstable scars and likely many of us are so no wonder we may overreact etc .

Maureen43

Can I just put my oar in?

I just wanted to stress what some of the other posters have touched on, that you need to be kind to yourself.

That can mean little things like building in an hour when your little one is asleep to wash and condition your hair, do your nails, whatever.

Or a sneaky box of chocolates...anything which makes you feel good at the end of the day.

Very, very important if life is not to seem like a treadmill