I need some help - its not about money.

Zulu_Dawn

Hi

I'm after some fairly urgent help.

I have a huge debt arising from gambling addiction.

I kept this all from my wife until six months ago and when she became aware of our situation it was a terrible shock.

We have both spent the last six months coming to terms with our circumstances and still finds it incredibly hard. I have completely stopped gambling and that is going really well. I am dealing with the debt as best I can but the reality is that I have become very self-absorbed and frankly difficult to live with as I try to come to terms with all my problems.

My wife has coped as well as possible in what must have been a terrible shock for her. However things have come to a head and the bottom line is that today she asked me to leave.

I've just spoken to her and the great news is that she still loves me and I know I love her. She still wants me to leave though I sense it is because she can't think what else there is to do.

She is going out for the night with our children and will be coming home tomorrow morning at 09:30 by which time I need to be gone.

She said that all my efforts are currently put towards dealing with the addiction and the debt and that I have stopped showing her that I love her.


I have from 18:00 when I get home until 09:30 tomorrow morning to show her this. If I can, I might just be able to persuade her to give me another chance.

Clearly grand financial gestures are out of the question but the trouble is I'm rubbish at this.

Has anyone got any DFW ideas that will help me keep her?

I know this is an unusual request and I do have ideas of my own. I'm also sure there is a more appropriate place to put it but I love this board and have faith in you all here so if anyone has any experience of this and can help me, I would be really grateful.

Thanks so much,

ZD

Shineyhappy

Ok, where will your wife and kids be tonight?

What are your wifes favourite things/hobbies/loves?

I think generally we need a bit more information to make it extra special, like where did you meet, have you had any really special memories together you could recreate?

xgingerx

Hi, I know how gambling can become addictive, I currently have a problem with on line poker and if you get chance wouldnt mind u giving me some tips on how to break the habbit which is the road to ruin and in my case lots of debt. (when u sort ur sef out first!)
Iam really moved by your email above and cant imagine how hard this is. Im sorry Im not qualified to give advise but I really wish you all the best and hope that things turn out good for u. I am sure there will be someone who can advise you

All the best

xgingerx

Shineyhappy

Also what are the chances of getting a babysitter to pick up the kids when your wife brings them back tomorrow morning?

choccyface2006

Maybe instead of trying to get her to change her mind it would actually be best for you to leave - just overnight, just to let you and her have a chance to think about how to move on?

Would it be possible to stay with family or friends for a night or two? Its great that she says she loves you, it sounds very much like you can work this out and probably come out stronger for it.

Congratulations on quitting gambling and concerntrating on clearing your debts by the way.

Best wishes

Sarah x

PigginSkint

:grouphug: Big hugs to you. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time

I don't have any experience of this but what about Relate?

Broken_hearted

Maybe the best thing you can give her is space, a couple of days on her own to work out how she feels.

Burlesque_Babe

where abouts in the country are you? Might give us some ammo to find you some DFW ways of helping.

hypno06

"She said that all my efforts are currently put towards dealing with the addiction and the debt and that I have stopped showing her that I love her."

Perhaps she does not realise that you are putting all those efforts towards dealing with the addiction and the debt BECAUSE you do still love her and this is proving it?

Don't know what to say really, except this does seem to be "all consuming" for most of us at some point or other especially when there is such a large sum involved (believe me, I have been there). But these things have a habit of sorting themselves out and I am sure this will too.

In the meantime, hugs coming your way, and wishing you all the best tonight x

Zulu_Dawn

My wife and kids have gone to a freinds house for dinner and a sleepover. She is into her house, her garden, movies, jazz, singing, literature, the church, her children. Her dream man is Lee from Joseph. She wouldn't want me to spend loads of money but I need to put some work into something that would show her that I care.

To xgingerx Re gambling - trust me, there is no money to be made from on-line poker, the house rake is far too big. I had a big gambling problem and found Gamblers Anonymous meetings to be the best. They have a website which gives details of meetings etc. There is also a great website for Gordon House which has a forum much like this. Have a look through there and good luck - it's a hideous and very dangerous addiction.

Crown

xgingerx wrote: »

Hi, I know how gambling can become addictive, I currently have a problem with on line poker and if you get chance wouldnt mind u giving me some tips on how to break the habbit which is the road to ruin and in my case lots of debt. (when u sort ur sef out first!)
Iam really moved by your email above and cant imagine how hard this is. Im sorry Im not qualified to give advise but I really wish you all the best and hope that things turn out good for u. I am sure there will be someone who can advise you

All the best

xgingerx

Ginger, I am a Recovering Compulsive Online Poker player/Gambler. There is help available if you really want to quit. Go along to your Local Gamblers Anon Meeting were you will get a wealth of support and ideas. If you wish you can PM me if you want some support or ideas.

It isnt really fair to ZD to hijack this thread though