'Same sex"' betrayal - diff to opposite sex or not?

geoffky

You married a man that was a repressed homosexual..You now need to work out whether you can live with that and all that entails because he will stray again if you stay with him...
Fathering Four kids does not make a gay person straight.

Jim_Jupiter

geoffky wrote: »

Fathering Four kids does not make a gay person straight.

And having a gay fling does not make a straight man gay.

Sexuality is far more complicated than that.

geoffky

Jim_Jupiter wrote: »

And having a gay fling does not make a straight man gay.

Sexuality is far more complicated than that.

That depends on who is using the excuse..:cool:

Edwardia

I'm a female bisexual married to a male heterosexual. Mixed orientation marriages/relationships can work. However, they take honesty and OP's husband hasn't been honest.

OP went into he relationship believing her husband to be heterosexual and wanting both of them to be faithful. Maybe OP's partner thought he was heterosexual too. At one point he wanted to be faithful and presumably wanted kids too.

He was unfaithful with a woman, his partner took him back. I'm not sure whether they had relationship counselling. If they had another child after that, well for some people another child just adds pressure and doesn't actually make them closer.

The man may have been hiding his sexuality or it might have been a ker pow moment and he may not have been aware of any degree of bisexuality until it happened. He may not be able to explain it, he might not want to talk about it.

Personally, I feel it's up to OP to decide what she wants and go for it. He had been unfaithful, he was aware that she wanted him to be faithful, he disregarded that. I wouldn't bet the farm on him remaining faithful and he might not want to even continue in the relationship.

I think they have to be honest with each other, be true to themselves and try to move forward in an amicable way for the sake of the kids. Trying to stay in a damaged relationship isn't good for either of them.

As for the bisexual = higher risk of STI.. 45% (Terrence Higgins Trust) or 47% (Health Protection Agency) of the new cases of HIV in 2012 were in heterosexuals.

Heterosexual men aged 15-24 were at highest risk of contracting an STI according to the HPA.

Risky behaviour is risky behaviour, regardless of sexual orientation.

The difference in risk between male on male sex may be higher but the actual figures in 2012 were only 3-5% higher than for heterosexuals.

thorsoak

pollypenny wrote: »

To be blunt, the guy sounds like a creep!

OP, you have a baby and he's behaving like that! No better than a rutting goat.

Actually, goats will only mate with in-season goats!;)

pollypenny

thorsoak wrote: »

Actually, goats will only mate with in-season goats!;)

I was trying to think of an example!

This guy does behave as if he is driven by his loins and for the easiest possible hit.

He's been unfaithful on numerous occasions. OP deserves better.

lindsaygalaxy

Sending big hugs. I am sure you are still shocked, angry and upset. I guess relationship wise it comes down to trust. Can you trust him again? From experience of being with a cheater - probably not. You spend yuor time convincing yourself he isn't cheating - he is really with a mate, he is playing a game on the phone or on the computer.


Money side - I am no expert when people are married, but he would probably have to pay towards the mortgage and you would get benefits and maintance. Someone with more experience on this will be able to help more. But no amount of money would make me want to go back to a bad relationship, life is too short.

craftymummyof3

Cheating is cheating regardless of what sex that person is. Would you really be able to trust him again( and would you want to). I think three times is three times to many. Put yourself and your children first. Have you got any family support? You are not the one to feel embarrassed ...he is!

egoode

I wouldn't be worrying about the money side of things you really need to work out if you want the relationship to even continue, but for the money side he will still need to be financially responsible for the children and I think some financial agreements with divorces can delay the sale of the family home until the youngest child is 18. Also you might be eligible for some govt benefits as a single mother.

As for the emotional level, no matter what gender he has cheated on you and has probably done it before. I personally could never stay with someone who had cheated on me and even if it was another woman he cheated on you with do you really want to feel like you need to compete for your husbands attention?

Personally I think he's deluding himself if he thinks a gay relationship is easier. Casual sex is easier because you don't have to comprise on what you want and gay casual sex probably is easier than finding a woman for a quick fling.

However relationships are hard whether it's a gay or straight relationship and clearly he's not willing to put the effort in to develop and maintain a relationship because if he was he wouldn't have done this.