Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

Levi-

hey Lilt-just a short one as I'm low on time but the scene of jelly and your folks and the restaurant was adorable, she is clearly so fond of them:) that is heartwarming.
and the bedding set sounds amazing, deffo fate for you to get it.
thanks for the turquoise links on my thread -great stuff, greyfox pointed me to the same z-bed too so that must be fate! much more suitable prices but i am going to wait until car boot sale season kicks in and see how we do, along with a bit of tester-pot painting if i feel brave. the colour he likes is the colour of our car which is quite specific so i will have to take the car in to B&Q to get a colour match:D i want to leave his walls white if possible but happy to accessories with the colour. oops i have gone off on a tangent now.. just wanted to say.. love ya loaads and hang on in there chicken.. plus, i'm ride beside you at dignitas for sure .. xx

MeandO

Hi Lilty,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Pops and the stress your Mum is going through with your Nanny alongside everything else. Wish I could take the nasty stuff away for you all.
Alzheimer's is an awful thing. My dear, much-adored Grandad was struck down with it for the last 10 years or so of his life, it was truly, truly awful.

With regards to the funeral, I have a story for you... (sorry, it will be long!)

2.5 years ago my wonderful Nan died, 12 days off her 100th birthday.
When the funeral had been arranged, I spoke to my Mum on the phone and, clear as day, she told me the funeral was at "twenty to four", at the time, I commented that it was late in the day. Our plan was to drive down the night before the funeral, but as it was, we all were exhausted for no particular reason and I didn't feel safe driving down, so we decided to get up early and drive down the next morning. For the first time EVER, O slept in the next day, my alarm didn't go off and we were late leaving, but I still thought we had loads of time to get there. We stopped for breakfast and then continued on our way, having to stop and change Oscar who had always normally slept all the way down there in the car - this was unheard of! My sister phoned me when we were halfway there to ask where we were, we told her our location and nothing was said.
Then, about 5 minutes away from my parent's house, we passed a hearse with a coffin in with a simple but beautiful spray of pink flowers on top, obviously going to the crematorium. I don't know how or why, but I knew it was my Nan and I told my ex so. He told me not to be silly, the funeral wasn't for hours, but I knew.

We got to my parent's house and no-one was home, my sister phoned and it transpired that the funeral was 10 minutes from starting. We had time to get there if I threw on some clothes quickly as I was wearing my scruffy jeans, trainers and top with baby sick down it! But you know what, my key to my parent's door would not work, despite trying everything. The ex tried, I tried, we could not get that door open - it had never happened before, it has never happened since.

I missed the funeral and was distraught. I questioned my Mum about the timing, but she was adamant that she had told me it was at noon - I'm sure she had, I don't doubt her as she would never tell me the wrong time, but so many small things delayed us, that to this day I am convinced that my Nan had a hand in it. She didn't want me to go and take Oscar with me. She always hated funerals, only went if she really had to (ie. my Grandad's) and so she always used to look after the children of friends or family if there was ever a funeral, rather than attending.
I also believe she wanted me to see her beautiful pink flowers and that me seeing the hearse was her goodbye. She loved flowers and pink was her favourite colour.

I regret going to my Grandad's funeral. I adored him and he was the first person I'd lost, but to this day, the image of my Dad and my Nan clutching each other, sobbing, and the coffin, will stay in my head forever. I hate that that is one of my last memories of him.

What I am saying, is that you know in your heart if you have said goodbye to your Pops, funeral or not, and you also know that he knows. It sounds to me like you have, and it also sounds like he wouldn't want you spending money to go and sit through the 'service' as such. I think, as INOD said, it would be a great idea to spend the £65 in another way - either going to see your Mum at a later date, taking the family out for a meal to celebrate your Pop's life, or taking Jelly out somewhere special on the 22nd and just marking it that way, making happy memories instead of sad ones.

You do whatever you know is right lovely girl,
sending you lots of love and hugs xx

liltdiddylilt

WELL... To start my day with tears the second I get on MSE is not what I planned.

I honestly don't know what to say to you all... INOD what a lovely idea about the pot for a surprise visit when mum needs it. And MeandO you are the reason for my tears. Bless you and thank you for sharing. My mama, who died 15 years ago leaves me white feathers all over the house sometimes, despite me not owning a single thing with feathers... and the same with my mum. Little messages at times when they are needed most, like my mums most recent diagnosis.

I had a look around for something that would remind me of my Pop, and be a strong and silent way of reminding me of him, as he was very much strong and noble and silent and not good with words but obviously adored me and Jellytot even when he couldn't say it. I've found the perfect thing which combines my geekiness and love of subtlety in messages, the necklace that my mum was hinting at, and a strong meaning for me personally. I don't even know whether to show it to anyone. Similar to my tattoo written in elvish that only a select couple of people know the meaning of, I like the idea of something just for me.

I am still undecided about the funeral, but I have the time to think about it. I know my mums thoughts and what my Pop would have said and I also know my nanny won't remember the funeral let alone if I was there. But I am thinking of Uncles and Great Uncles and cousins who will be there. But that is precisely what my Pop would not want. He rarely did something because other people wanted it. So much to think of.

In the meantime I am dressed up and I have my mum and dad coming shortly with Jellys birthday bike a day early so they get chance to see her on it. She has SO much stuff to open on her actual birthday and the in laws are coming the day after to do it all over again. Have to get my Peppa Pig icing head on later on too

Right mum and dad are here... See you later guys.

Love you all xxx

Brightspark87

lit we had this with my DH gran recently. We went, to support his dad mainly really but the cost was hard to take. Do whatever you feel you should do. Make yourself happy x

debtfreewannabe321

:grouphug: Oh Lilt, I'm so sorry for your loss. Even when it's expected it's still a shock and upsetting. My grandad was very ill before he passed (his cancer had spread everywhere and he was literally skin and bones in a hospice waiting to go) and I still cried and cried afterwards. It's sad . I hope you're ok. What a lovely idea to buy some jewellery to remember him by . The service, that's entirely up to you. I would go but I don't work and wouldn't be losing a day's wages and have to pay travel etc. You've already told him what you needed to, you can say your goodbyes wherever you are the only reason i'd go is perhaps to offer support to your grandma.

As for my big spends on clothes (!!!) definitely your fault :rotfl: definitely NOT mine :silenced::whistle: haha, although i'm sending lots back as they sent me the wrong size :mad: So now need to find more jeggings! Where are the ones you have lived in from? Are they the ones you directed me to on my diary? If so I have some arriving today to try on so if they fit well I may have to order more like you have :T @sda can have theirs back cheeky so and sos sending me a 14-16 instead of a 12 like I asked :eek:! xx

sashybo

Lilt, my heart goes out to you over the funeral/memorial dilemma. I think your mum's advice is very sensible but in the end only you can decide.

I think it would be nice for you to mark the day/time of the funeral in your own way, perhaps doing something nice for you & Jelly so that you have a nice memory to look back on. I wish I hadn't had to go to my Grampa's funeral, it was emotionally horrible and we were practically holding my mum up. The coffin being lowered into the ground is not a nice memory for me and I would rather remember my Grampa working in his garden, which is what he loved to do.

I actually have a picture of my Grampa as a wee boy on my dressing table now. Photo taken in 1928-30, not quite sure but he is around 8-10 y.o. and I like to say hello to him every day. I remember him showing me the photo and telling me the story behind why it was taken. He was holding a model ship which his dad built and according to him the photo was of the ship - he was just there to hold it. :rotfl: That is a good memory for me and just encapsulates his character.

I hope you enjoy the day with Jelly and your parents today.

MeandO

So sorry Lilty, I didn't mean to make you upset. If it's any consolation, it took me about an hour, half a box of tissues and lots of tears at my desk to write that post.
As for the white feathers, we used to get 5p pieces from my auntie after she died. She used to collect 5p pieces in a huge bottle and every year would donate it to children in need, we were always saving them for her. She died suddenly and unexpectedly and we were all bereft. For years, we used to find 5p's in the craziest of places when we were down or upset. Sometimes they would disappear from where we put them after finding them and on one occasion, one literally fell from the lounge ceiling in front of us. Pennies from heaven, for sure.
It stopped immediately when her sister, my other auntie, with whom she lived with all her life, also died.

With my Grandad, it seems to be bonfire smoke. He had apple trees in his garden and used to burn the offcuts and pruning of the branches and it would leave a marvelous fragrant toffee-apple type smell in the air. Both my Mum and I have smelt this when we have been down or something bad has happened, with no apparent signs of a bonfire around. I find it really comforting.

Damnit, more tears!


I hope you have a wonderful day with jelly and your folks today. Mine have left for home today, so no doubt I will have a very upset Oscar on my hands tonight.

Love to you all
xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Lovely post this morning MeandO. Hugs to you Xx

Lilty, you should do whatever feels right to you. Is there any way your Mum thinks it would be better for you to stay at home so as not to see your Nanny in her confused and upset state?

Hugs to you too Xx

killerpeaty

I've been to 2 funerals, my grandad's and my dad's. I've avoided others.

I think the limo ride is the worst part, the whole sitting in silence was just awful. But I wouldn't have missed it though, I think it is good to say goodbye. My thoughts of funerals is that it's not really to do with the person who died, it is for those left behind and a big deal or a little deal is up to them. My uncle has asked that people wear red to his. Tempted to wear pink instead. :rotfl:

^that's just babbling.

I would say that if you decide not to go, have people around you. It'll be a difficult day and you deserve some luffles that day.

liltdiddylilt

Hello guys

dfw have PM'd you. Aren't I naughty pointing you to more clothes :rotfl: but they are also bargains like the others of course

brightspark & Lucky I think my mums worry is about the cost of a trip to see a coffin dropped into the ground followed by a half an hour wake, and also the state of my nanny. It has bothered me the last few times I saw her because she insists she hasn't seen us in years and says some hurtful tuff about how it is so kind of me to take the time to drop in, heavily loaded with self righteous sarcasm. This can be the day after I last saw her on a 4 day trip home and I try very hard to see her as often as possible. She also insists loudly within earshot that she never sees me to anyone who will listen, and says she has never met Jelly. She often asks on FaceTime 'who is that? isn't she beautiful, she has lovely curly hair doesn't she' and just has no idea who Jelly is. So yes my mum thinks it will be a waste and knows that I repeatedly went to see my Pop when I could over the last year and said my goodbyes to him personally each time. I've no regrets about not seeing him enough; I am peaceful knowing I always went when I could which is far more than can be said for others in my family. There are so many reasons for and against but it boils down to £65 minimum, 8 hours travel for a half hour service and a half hour wake. Strain for my poorly mum trying to put me up for a night... being without Jelly and not actually getting to do any of the usual things I do when I go up. I am leaning towards not going. There will be a handful of people I barely know there and they can think what they wish of me. My nanny will like playing the sad widower because she loves the attention these days. My mum and her brother have each other, my dad.. and my sister will be there. I think I will send a rose with my mum from me. And spend the day with Jelly remembering him.

sashybo I love that story of your grampy. So sweet!

Peaty bless you, pink will clash awfully you contrary sod, sounds fab I've sadly been to too many funerals and the one that haunts me is for Harry, who lived opposite us and my mum cooked for every day. He was cremated and I only had a bare understanding of the logistics of it. They messed up and the coffin dropped down before the curtain went around and it frightened the life out of me. I was only 7 or so and convinced I had just watched him going to hell even though he was a lovely old man. Got the whole cremation thing really confused! So crematoriums hold some bad memories for me. The worst ever funeral though was when my friend died when we were all just 18. Motorbike accident. A church full of children... it should never happen. I sobbed my heart out and was a broken mess for a while.


Right.. today we fed squirrels monkey nuts (any objections animal lovers? ) and played on the park. jelly rode her new bike that the birthday fairy brought a day early so nanny and go-go could see! We had a lovely indoor picnic from Morries and then went out for dinner after everyone had a nap from 3pm until half 5 lol. Jelly went to bed very late and then wouldn't go to sleep but was asleep by half 8 so hoping she just sleeps in a bit... fat chance!

Have yet to make peppa pig but have started prep.. aka googling it. :rotfl:

Spend free day number 5 today :T

Bedtime for me. Night guys. xxxx