Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

Levi-

Hey Lilty - that is AMAZING on the savings figure:eek: What a tidy little nestegg It shows what can be done and it is inspiration to me, I hope one day I can be in a position like that if I just keep on going in the right direction and the day will come when some extra can be tucked away, it must be feeling amazing- so proud of ya too :heart2:

Regarding Alzheimers - you have my complete and utmost sympathy here. My beautiful beloved Grandmother who was an integral part of my life became very severely affected by it over the past 5 years, somewhat gradually but now more or less completely. She is a resident in a specialist home for Alzheimers patients and I went to see her for a visit at the weekend - something I find very difficult to do but its catch 22 as I feel bad not seeing her, but then feel really bad when I do. We also went through much as you describe as last summer her closest and best lifelong friend passed away - they had grown up together and remained friends throughout adulthood, including giving birth to babies on the same day and being side by side in hospital beds!
Anyway we had to tell my Grandma that Doreen had died.. and then my poor parents had to tell her again almost every day for the next 7 months, and every day, face her being shocked, distraught and grieving as if it were the first time she had heard the news - every time. Awful situation.
We are fortunate that she is in a very good (state-funded) residential setting but the overall situation and toll it takes on loved ones is unmatched. We had to empty out her flat a couple of years ago and it compounded so much that she was 'gone' but.. not gone.
I feel for ya so much, and your mum with everything else on her plate too.
Warriors - the lot of you. :heart2:
Hope all goes well with the IL's and great news on the promotion of Him! :beer: xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

It really does suck Hun. Big style.

You will have to spoil your Mum with love tomorrow. Hugs Xx

Eager_Elephant

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

Just been face timing with mum when the home phone rang. Was my nan insistent that she had only just found out about Pop. Mum just had to talk her down and talk over the angry shouting of 'you kept me away from him and why didn't you tell me' blah blah blah. I don't know how she has the patience to deal with her. I really don't. If my nan was a dog, she would have been put down. I don't understand why it is illegal to extend that human kindness to people. I am one of those people who will end up in prison for helping someone go to Dignitas... Or for murder after I've fed my nan too many of her dozens of daily tablets. As it is, my mum is left in tears because she has to keep photos of my pop, dead in his bed, with my nan and my Uncle next to him just to show nan at times like this. She is not my nan any more. My nan would never put people through what she is doing now if she was well. I am aware that that is controversial, but I don't really care after what I have just witnessed. An old woman in a lot of pain, beside herself with grief over something which she is going to forget and be told every day for the rest of her life until she forgets he ever existed and lives. And the damage that is causing to my immensely fragile mum and her brother.

Alzheimers sucks.

Sorry to hear about your Pops passing away.


I am with you all the way on this Lilt.


I think Dignitas is the best idea ever and I have told my DH that if I ever get to the stage where my life is not what I would want it to be he is to take me to Dignitas.


When my MIL was in a care home (after having a stroke at 56 - too much drinking and smoking) it always shocked me to see some of the other residents. Some of the residents could not walk or talk so they just 'sat' in a chair in the lounge all day and were spoon fed pureed food - I often wondered what their life was like before and whether they could be happy how they were.
They never seemed to get any visitors although I appreciate they may have had visitors when we were not there.


MIL was lucky as she was one of the most capable so she was always off on day trips and outings - her 5 years there were the best of her life.


MIL did have dementia by the end and often talked about her childhood, when my DH had to tell her that her mother had died (she died when MIL was 14) the grief was awful. After that we managed to keep the conversation away from her mothers and concentrated on other things which did not cause too much upset.


All due respect to the carers, they still spoke to those immobile and uncommunicative in the same way they did everyone else - it was a joy to see.

sashybo

Hi Lilt, you're going through the mill just now, eh? *hugs* So sorry to hear about your pop and the problems with your nan.

Hope Jelly is feeling better, poor wee soul, it's no fun throwing up and having a sore tummy all the time.

Well done on your savings. :T

HarrysMummy

Lilt - Hugs, just the biggest hugs! You're really going through everything at the moment and I wish I could take it all away.

I have much the same thoughts as you and would also probably end up in jail for the same reasons (maybe we could be cell mates?) It's so hard to watch something like that. I haven't had experience with it but my Grandma was heading down that route not long before she passed away.

I hope you're kicking somebody into gear regarding Jelly seeing a speacialist and really hope she gets something to ease all this illness and alergy suffering, she doesn't deserve all that hassle.

Well done on the savings though, thats such a great achievment :T

liltdiddylilt

Hi guys

Late check in for me. Sleep eludes the Liltster tonight.

£15 spent on a lovely white (am I mad?) seersucker and cotton kingsize duvet set reduced from £45. Have been hanging my nose over it for so long wishing for a price reduction and there it was. I went there especially to buy one today regardless of the price and boom, karma was my friend. Am lounging under it now have yorkie buttons and a cup of tea!

£41 spent in Cloudspoons on my dads birthday dinner a month late lovely lovely lovely to see them tonight. They were late and so we met at the spoons after they had dropped off at the hotel. Jelly saw Go Go as she calls Grandad, and went running the 30 yards to his arms shrieking his name all the way, enveloping him in a bear hug and she couldn't contain her grin! Then she gave Nanny the same treatment when we got inside to the table she was saving..:happy love:kisses: Food was great on steak night, and we ate until we were totally stuffed... even Jelly! A chicken wing, followed by two whole sausages, 4 chips, an onion ring, some peas and some cucumber!! :T:T this is a serious win. At home, give her that dinner choice... she would eat the sausages. The end. :rotfl:

Have ordered a soup booster from the freebies board (actually ordered 2 and it has cost all of £2 via paypal) and am looking forward to whizzing up some happy soups love covent garden soup co. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5214810

Also had the osteopath today. As much as he has done me a lot of good, I wasn't all that ok with his suggestion of feeling my coccyx via some rather.. unpleasant means. So when given the choice between that or helping my pelvic floor, I took that one... and ended up sat on a cushion on his lap.. he is a bit of a hippy. Last week he dug his fingers under my sternum and was pushing hard with each breath in. He also pushed all of his bodyweight into his thumb right into my groin to release some pressure from my bladder (apparently) and tells me this week that that area is much better. I feel a bit.. weird about it all but I actually can't fault the results. After the weird bladder push which seemed to last for 10 minutes and got more and more painful, I have to be honest I have barely bothered with painkillers all week. And that has been the only change. Paid £25 of my own money towards this session. Booked another one next week but undecided whether to go or not. Would be paying all of it and that is £40 directly from my savings...

So.. Pop's funeral is the 22nd. Dilemma. It isn't a funeral per se but a meeting at a crematorium. He wasn't religious and he didn't ever want a fuss. Nor would he be happy paying out money for a funeral to suit others grand ideas. So mum and her brother will be reading a poem and a verse from somewhere. And that will be that, over in half an hour, followed by a drive back to my nanny for an M&S spread with the few people who will actually be invited to go/still alive to go. Mum says I shouldn't go. She doesn't want me to waste £65+ on train fares and miss a day of work for essentially nothing. She is adamant I have said my goodbyes and I should just mark the day in my own way. I also know I have some money coming from him. Not a kings ransom, but enough to let me buy something... I am going to buy myself a piece of jewellery which will remind me of him always. Jelly will be getting some too, and again I am going to buy her a necklace or something that she can have when she is older. But still undecided on the funeral...

There is a phrase which I always smile at, but seems particularly apt right now. TBBT

'I don't object to the concept of a deity, but I am baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance'... Likewise, my Pop knows that I have been to see him on every occasion I could possibly have done so. The last words that I said to him the last four times I saw him were 'Bye, I love you Pop'...I meant it in more ways than one and was always grateful for the opportunity to say it again. I last saw him on FaceTime at the beginning of March and had a brief chat although he was very unwell. Again my last words were I love you. His will was written only a few short months ago, and it stated that if my mum or my uncle were to predecease my Pop, then their share of his estate would go solely to me. He has two other granddaughters, and only I know the ins and outs of his reasoning, but what it means is that he knows I did my best and thought of him often. I just looked up and there is an old passport photo of him stuck to the mirror in my bedroom. It has been there as long as I can remember. it is too high for me to reach, and he is smiling and looking at me with his crinkly eyes in that way that only a photograph can, no matter where you are in the room. I miss him but I will firmly believe in the philosophic idea that we are all energy and no energy can ever truly be gone. He is still here; Science tells me so.

Rigt I better go to sleep.

Thank you so much for checking in.. and your support. Especially to EagerElephant for your understanding of the issues surrounding alzheimers and the way the memory loss works. I needed that understanding ear so you are lovely as ever for your post. xx

Glad I am not the only one with a one way ticket booked to Dignitas xxx

apple_muncher

Hope you managed to sleep xx

I'd go to the crematorium myself, no matter how short the 'service' bit. My uncle's was also v short - and he was a vicar! (had a service of thanksgiving a few weeks later, which lasted muuuuuch longer).

Mega hugs xx

pennywisepoundstupid

Good morning Lilty, Oh honey how I wish I could give you a big hug, I was thinking about you last night and hoping you were ok as I hadn't read any posts from you yesterday. Only you can decide what is best regarding the service of your Pop, as you have said he knew that you loved him and I also truly believe that nobody ever really leaves us. I still feel my Dad's presence and talk to him sometimes.


Dementia is a cruel thing, I worked in an old people's home a few hour's a week when my DD/DS were small and it was hard to see how it effected the families of those with dementia. DH Grandmother also suffered from it and It was quite a scary time as she went off wandering in the middle of the night a couple of times, she was found one time at 3am wandering around a farm yard, god only knows what could have happened. I have joked with My DH that if it happens to me then to end it if needs be, I truly hope by the time I get to that age that things will have changed and people aren't allowed to suffer, I wouldn't be allowed to let one of my animals to
suffer and yet people are, complete madness to me. I've also discussed it with my children (due to G Grandma having had it) and they have been to told to lie to me if DH has passed away, If I think he is at work then just keep telling me he is milking the cows, don't put us all through the pain daily of reliving something that in an hours time I won't remember anyway.


Sorry I seem to have rambled on, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and to take care of yourself.x.

in_need_of_direction

I'd duck the service if it were me. You've said your goodbyes and are at peace with that. Do what's best for the family that remains. What I would do however is put the £65 in a special pot to be used when your mum is struggling with her treatment and make an unexpected visit home. Based on what you've said about your pop, he'd prefer that to anything. As for dignitas, my offspring have said that they will fund the ticket!

October_Starter

Hi Lilty


So sorry about your Pops. My deepest sympathy goes to you and the family.


It was great to hear you had a nice meal with your parents. So glad Jelly ate all her dinner. Don't feel bad about spending. You got a great deal and you deserve a treat every now and then.


My thoughts are with you Hon.


October xx