A Singularly Lonely Christmas

LolaLemon

LavenderBees wrote: »

Thank you for your hugs, very gratefully received

Last year, I went to the carol concert...lovely service, very lovely people, but I felt such a fraud as I'm not religious and I was in grave danger of being roped in to lots of church things as no one believed me when I said I wasn't religious . I need the community atmosphere and generosity of the church but without the religion (hope I haven't offended anyone). So any suggestions along these lines will be much appreciated.

Everyone has given great ideas, but on this particular post I have a suggestion that will need on going work throughout the year to get that community spirit you are craving. Committee's. Join or start a club, book/crafts etc, or something of interest, museums, theatre, amateur dramatics etc. Most of these type of groups meet up at least once a month, and from my own experiences of one, these people became the family I would choose, due to the shared interests. As much as they are friends, they have not been there during my worst/best times in the past, we have a limited shared history so u don't get that "reverting to teenage version of ourselves that happens a lot when adults meet up with their old school/college/uni friends. I know it's not of great use for this year, but could help you to find a group that you would like to commit to.

Downsizing__for_sanity

This might sound awful, but believe me from a busy mum of two who is studying full time, I would love to have the choice to just think of "me" for one day. Obviously I adore my children and husband, and love my work, but sometimes it can seem as though the grass is always greener somewhere else. Thankfully we have no inlaws or parents staying this year and can do whatever we want as a family. The times we have been with extended family there has always been some level of conflict, as it seems that sometimes people aren't willing to change their traditions or incorporate any other family's traditions. You are free from that right now and can establish whatever Christmas traditions you would like, whether that's to go for a walk or to open the Champagne at breakfast. You are the most important person in your life. Make yourself happy first Have a lovely day whatever you do and (if I get a chance) I will be catching up to hear what you got up to on here!

Ellie
DFS (from your MSE Family )

MummyBobble

For many years myself, DD and DS went to the ex-in-laws (without their dad) on Christmas Day where everything was done their way. Several years ago they decided they didn't want us to go anymore (after I had unfortunately given them a few home truths about their son, my children's father). Although I was initially very upset it was the best thing ever as the three of us now do whatever we fancy on the big day (we have been known to stay in PJs all day :shocked: ).

We have a kind of traditional Christmas dinner (no bread sauce, cranberry sauce, sprouts etc, though we do have it with mushy peas ).

I realise that with DD now 16 and DS 13 there may not be many years left where they will be at home on Christmas Day and I think that volunteering will be the way forward for me at that time.

I think it's a shame that so much is made of one day when people can be lonely and in need of help and support every day. Hope everyone manages to find a way to spend Christmas in a way that lets them find peace and contentment.

Ballymackeonan

LavenderBees, I've just come across this thread, I was in a similar position a few years back, my first Christmas without my mother, which left a real gap as I'd been looking after her (and my aunt who'd died the previous year) for a long time. Plus I'd lost a big contract in November, which left me with very little income, so going for a holiday wasn't an option. I'd had a couple of invitations, but to other families' Christmas dinners, which I was glad of - but I wasn't in the mood for that.

Christmas morning that year was foggy, so I decided to go to the beach about 20 miles away, It was sunny there, though cold, and I had the entire beach to myself for a couple of hours, and thought about previous Christmasses. I realised that I was my own woman for the first time in years, and that helped me through the rest of the Christmas period and for the next few difficult months.

Need2bthrifty

Hi Lavenderbees, :wave: long time

Sorry to read about the sad year you’ve had and I can’t really come up with anything that hasn’t already been suggested.

I can totally empathise with your situation and that of others, I’m sure we’re not alone in saying that this time of year is particularly poignant and Christmas could be pants if you let it, but you sound as though your positive attitude is going to see you through what will most likely be the worst one.

Both my parents and a grandfather, who I was particularly fond of, died around this time of year – my warped sense of humour has me thinking that they all had it planned…….just to make sure that they were in our thoughts at this family orientated time .

I often think that we put ourselves under enormous pressure to be seen to be busy and socially embracing the season – but there have been years when I actively sought my own company and treated myself right royally too.

Presents-wise - I do treat myself, depending on how flush I am, maybe a couple of dvds/cd’s, perfume, new pj’s – you can’t beat cosy new ones at Christmas.

You’ve got Christmas Day sorted and I’m sure that you will have fun helping out, I don’t know if I would go as far as visiting a Care Home, I experienced that during my working life and found it all quite depressing and got me thinking - that will be me several years from now :eek:.

Like others I have picked up some good ideas from this thread so thanks for starting it :T

ETA - By the way congrats on becoming Mortgage Free - that along with the success of your allotment makes two goals achieved, can you make it a third before New Years!!

TC - N2BT

LavenderBees

Hey, Folks

I have spent hours this afternoon going carefully through all your suggestions/researching what is open/when near me, and I now have a plan, and I am (very unexpectedly) thoroughly looking forward to my time off now . I do like the idea that it's time to realise I have the luxury of freedom, and can take the time to make my own traditions now.

I have fairy lights up, candles lit, and poinsettia plants (as they are far cheaper than a tree and look very festive). There are lots of treats in my "Christmas Cupboard"- far too much really, and I still have a visit to Waitr0se with £35 of vouchers collected on surveys in the last few months to look forward to next weekend. Believe me, I don't need encouraging to treat myself to foodie treats...:rotfl:

I have treated myself to an early present - a smart phone -the package for which will help me keep in touch with far flung friends as I will already have budgeted for the costs. Just got to learn how to use it!! :rotfl:

I have had a Christmassy day today wrapping a few wee pressies (mainly for the cats :rotfl:) and writing cards for neighbours and colleagues, with the fairy lights on etc. It's felt really nice to do something positive. My very good friend hundreds of miles away, has "warned" me to watch out for a few packages arriving over the next few days. How lovely! ....last year, one addressed to my cats was delivered through the cat flap...no kidding :rotfl:

So....generally feeling much more positive, and am going to document my plan here, derived from so many of your suggestions, so I challenge myself to achieve it (this can be my 3rd significant achievement, NBT...my mission that I have chosen to accept ). It's in some detail so I don't lose sight of any of it. I'm going to be busy!!

ETA - Run up to Holiday time - Housework , and inviting nice lady neighbour out for a lunch/walk etc

Sat 21st now changed to a walk/possible lunch with Newcastle Meetup group and then back to mine for a lovely soaky bubble bath with a good glass of wine/Christmas Cake (not in the bath...:rotfl:), and presumably the Strictly final.

Sun 22nd - A visit to Meldon Park not too far from me (free gardens/cafe/Christmas Trees), bit of fresh air/nice drive out. Then back for a lazy watch of a DVD (or whatever is on TV if better)

Mon 23rd - Visit to local Garden Centre to get a pot of spring flowers or bulbs. Then plant up and nurture them for the spring. There may be some bargains going for the allotment or garden or house,...maybe

Tues 24th - Visit local Care Home; build the Pusscats main pressie (a cardboard thing that will take all day probably ), as it gets dark, listen to Carols from Kings & light a candle for my losses. Easy luxury meal (possibly seafood based) and nice wine.

Wed 25th - Ring far flung friends ; Good breakfast to keep me going; Volunteering in afternoon and evening. Fall into bed exhausted, no doubt (probably without a fireman, though, unfortunately :rotfl:)

Thurs 26th - PJ Day :j. I have my new PJs ready :T Pink champagne with a light breakfast; open my friend's presents; potter in kitchen making a celebration dinner (not decided what yet). Watch TV/iplayer to catch up on Dr Who :rotfl:

Fri 27th - Hope weather will be nice enough for a walk on the local beach. Intend to visit the nature reserve so must remember my binos, and also my camera if the light is good for photos. If the farmshop is open, pop in on way home for hot chocolate

Sat 28th - Visit the sales in Morpeth

Sun 29th - Circular Walk from back door; check allotment (no parties at mine, I'm afraid); manicure/pedicure

Mon 30th - Batch cooking for freezer; nice wine while doing so :rotfl:

Tues 31st - Newcastle in afternoon - visit art galleries for a couple of hours. Then the New Year's Eve carnival (I can't believe I didn't know about this!!) in Newcastle in the early evening. Then onto meet various members of my walking group for an Italian meal. Will aim to drive home before midnight, so I can join other villagers on the village green to welcome in the new year.

Wed 1st - Quiet day. I love the suggestion for a symbolic day. I think this is the day to do this - possibly on the beach again - throwing away my troubles and fears and upset with each pebble landing as far out to sea as I can manage sounds very cathartic. Then back home to a celebration meal (probably the leftovers from Boxing day) and a sit down to decide what my hopes and aims are for the coming year. Writing these down so I can refer back to them and see what I achieve next year e.g. plan time to meet up with far flung friends/how to make new friends etc.

Oh yeah....and BIG BIG DIET :eek: That's traditional, isn't it!

Then back to work, but hopefully feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, and with a bit of hope in my heart for a better year to come.

There are many suggestions on this thread that I have managed to incorporate into my plan :T. Likewise there are many that will be carried forward and cogitated over for the coming months.

I think my plan allows for the need to be fairly frugal, allows downtime for much needed rest or to be spontaneous should I decide to be, and enough activity to keep me interested and looking forward to each day.

Whatever you decide to do with your own time, I wish you all the loveliest and most peaceful Christmas ever. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

LB xx

whitewing

Oh LavenderBees,

What a great plan. I'm very tempted to join you!

savingqueen

LavenderBees - wow! I love your plan, its sounds truly wonderful.


I look forward to reading this thread and hearing you enjoy each day.


warm wishes
sq (another member of your MSE family)

LavenderBees

whitewing wrote: »

Oh LavenderBees,

What a great plan. I'm very tempted to join you!

Party at mine :beer:

:rotfl:

I hadn't thought about updating the thread each day, but maybe I will, if only to prove I've done what I said...also, if anyone would like to join me, you'd all be very welcome

whitewing

I will definitely pop in to read daily updates - tears and smiles.

Now, you appear to have missed out opening your Christmas stocking on your plan but it may be mentioned elsewhere in the thread. I am somewhat immersed in Christmas so I am getting me threads muddled. As Santa is busy with the children this year, you will have to own source your presents and wrap them yourself but he has promised you some inspiration and bargains!

Must contain a Satsuma, nuts, chocolate (coins perhaps), nice smelly stuff, maybe a microwave cuddly toy (garages have some cute ones in and pretty cheap - we have bought DD a monkey version), a book, maybe a DVD, socks....