A Singularly Lonely Christmas

LavenderBees

paulineb wrote: »

I have no idea tbh, just going to keep plodding away with meet up and see if I find a better group.

I'm really boring, I like exercise, going to the football. The occasional night out and that's it. Oh and staying in when hermit mode overtakes me

I used to do lots of voluntary work but although it got me out, can't say I made many friends from it.

It's not boring! You like what you like. But I know that gym work etc isn't necessarily sociable. Even classes often aren't.

But what you are trying doesn't seem to be working for you just now, so perhaps, and this is just a suggestion, you could maybe look into trying some different things; things that may not be in your comfort zone or even things that you initially disregard, to see if you unexpectedly enjoy them/meet more like minded people.

It's very difficult, I know. But if something isn't working, my own feeling is stop, take time to rethink and try something (even slightly) different.

Just a thought....

LavenderBees

MummyBobble wrote: »

Thanks Calicocat.

Not really anything to do with the thread (I hope this isn't going to be huge and clog everyone's feed), but I just thought I'd share a drawing my (I think) very talented 16yo daughter drew this afternoon. Feeling very proud



PS LB, I'd have to laugh if anyone fell in cow poo! (Well, unless it was me :rotfl:)

Just scrolled back up to see what I've inadvertently forgotten, and yes, realised I hadn't commented on this wonderful drawing.

I'm not surprised you're proud of your DD. Not only a thoughtful, caring girl, but talented too :T

sniffles

There are many lurkers on these boards and as my grampa was the oldest publican in Scotland who swept his sawdust away 30 years ago, I would love to know what pub you were in Pauline.
I feel your image of Glasgow pubs is just a wee bit out of date and slightly offensive to our city.

sundevil_rachael

sniffles wrote: »

There are many lurkers on these boards and as my grampa was the oldest publican in Scotland who swept his sawdust away 30 years ago, I would love to know what pub you were in Pauline.
I feel your image of Glasgow pubs is just a wee bit out of date and slightly offensive to our city.

To be fair her reply two down speaks about lovely Glasgow pubs and bars, just her friends don't go to them.

Lilyplonk

Just been having a catch-up read on this thread .................... have to say that I can see myself in many of the posts.

I love to 'get out and about' meeting people, but I'm not sure that I've got space in my life for 'proper friends' - though I have many, many acquaintances who I love to catch up with and spend time with over coffee.

I also go to a gym - albeit sporadically; I'm a regular member of our Local Family History Group for researching my Family Tree; I'm a volunteer at a Charity Shop where other volunteers are really lovely people though not many of them live close to where I live.

On top of that, I've got 3 adult kids - with 5 grandkids between them. I like to be free to help with the kids at a moment's notice. My elderly mother (83) lives with my sister and I also like to be able to give her some support when she needs 'escape time' - I stay at her house to 'mother-sit' while she and her husband go away on holiday / visit their caravan for the occasional weekend.

That's why I say that I don't really have space for 'friends' - I just can't give enough time to a friendship.

Have to say that I think my closest/oldest friend is a 'second-cousin' in USA. We've been writing/phoning each other for around 55yrs and I've visited her on 4 occasions in the past 25yrs. Our grandparents had been in touch with each other from being very young and we're continuing the tradition. Our children are also in touch via Facebook .

I DO have a partner - we've been together for 24yrs - and he's quite similar to me. He also doesn't feel the need for 'friends' - maybe that's why we first drifted together and have stayed together all this time. When we go on holiday we don't spend every minute of every day in each other's company .................... he often does his thing and I do mine. I promise NOT to drag him to art/culture stuff and he promises NOT to try to drag me up any mountains.

I think the important thing is to find what suits the individual - what works in their life - and go with THAT. When you find a friendship that works well it's a great bonus in life - but the surprising thing is that you might find it in the most unexpected places. It can't be forced .

PS - I can't abide noisy pubs either! I don't have an aversion to pubs as such - it's the noisy environment that I can't abide. All those people desperately trying to convince themselves, and everybody else around them, that they're having a riotous time .................. nah, it's not for me .

paulineb_2

sundevil_rachael wrote: »

To be fair her reply two down speaks about lovely Glasgow pubs and bars, just her friends don't go to them.

Quite.

sniffles wrote: »

There are many lurkers on these boards and as my grampa was the oldest publican in Scotland who swept his sawdust away 30 years ago, I would love to know what pub you were in Pauline.
I feel your image of Glasgow pubs is just a wee bit out of date and slightly offensive to our city.

I was in a nightclub in a town on the outskirts of London around 6 years ago. The place was packed. It had a small dancefloor that I was crossing to get back to my seat, unfortunately I only realised that people had been spilling their drinks on the dancefloor when I was flat on my back with a fractured wrist. I had to wait until I got back to Scotland to get to hospital to get my arm put in plaster as the wait times at the hospital were so long I couldnt get it done down south and Id have missed my train home. I had a horrible night, I wouldnt go back to that pub. But that hasnt put me off going back to London and Ive been down several times since. Its not offensive to Londoners to say I didnt have the best night out in that pub and I wouldnt go again, its the truth.

I dont see that its offensive to an entire city to say that youve been in a pub and had a really awful night out. There are pubs in my own home town that I wouldnt go in if I was paid a million quid. That doesnt mean Im slating the whole area, its just certain pubs I wouldnt go near.

If you go out on a Saturday night and go to a pub where you end up being shoved around by other people in the pub, get your feet trodden on, drink spilled on you, being approached by a rude member of staff who wants to know if you are in the pub on your own because in her words you are being "shoved around", its fair to say you might go home thinking, Im not going back into that pub.

And its subjective. My opinion is my opinion. Other peoples might not match it. But one girl, who came along with my friends on a night out and we went into two of the pubs I mentioned earlier, she turned round to me and said, is it always like this? And mentioned that there were some really decent pubs in the town, what the hell were we doing in this one? I also think its fair to say that in any city with a few hundred pubs, you might find a few that you arent going to have a good night in, you could probably swap Glasgow for any other big UK city and you'd find some pubs that are great and some pubs that arent so great.

By the way, I was born in Glasgow and lived there until my parents split up. I went to university there, I worked in the Gorbals for 5 years and my last long term relationship was with someone who lived in the Gallowgate. So I think its fair to say that I know the city fairly well and Im not just some day tripper from Lanarkshire who has swanned in and back out and has a poor impression of a city I dont actually know, Ive spent a lot of the last 20 years in Glasgow.

Yes there are many lurkers on these boards, but if I had said dont go to Glasgow, all the pubs are horrible and the people are horrible, I could understand people being up in arms. Thats not what I said.

Im actually a member of a few meet up groups who will be meeting in Glasgow over the next few weeks, Im booked to go on more than one night out. It hasnt put me off socialising in the city. But I think its fair to say if youve been in a couple of pubs over a dozen times over the course of a year and every time youve been in theres been some issue, such as getting pestered by drunk men who wont leave you alone and Im not talking just about me, Im talking about most of us, because some people want to cop off with anyone and if your mate tells them to go away they'll move onto you, that might be some peoples idea of a good night out. But its not mine. I was talking to my brother a couple of weeks ago because his work night out ended up being at a very ordinary pub in Lanakshire near where he works, he said that the previous year they had been to a posher place in Lanarkshire, he didnt enjoy it, the year before he went to a club in Glasgow and didnt enjoy that either, but by all accounts they had a great time this a year, as I said, a very ordinary pub that allows people to bring in food (kebabs and the like) from outside and have with their drinks. As I said, subjective. Its not a slight on any area to say youve been somewhere and not had a good night out, its how you feel.

Im not an offensive person. Im honest. And lots of things happen on a daily basis that could put any town or city in a bad light, crime, fights, assaults. It doesnt mean the entire place is bad.

By the same token, if you go to a town and you end up having a bad night out in a pub or a group of pubs, it doesnt mean every pub in the city is awful. It would be absolutely unrealistic to say that every pub in every city in the UK is wonderful, lovely and a place you'll always go and have a great night out.

Sorry if theres any Londoners who want to put me in the stocks and pelt me with fruit because I broke my arm in a pub in London, not trying to be offensive :rotfl:

This is going to be my only post on this subject on this thread, because its now in danger of being derailed and until now I thought I could post on here freely without being asked to explain myself on a thread like this in particular. If someone had an issue with anything I said, they could have PMd me.

Id also like to say that the reason I went out with my friends a lot last year, was because 2012 was a complete write off for me and mine. A family member went through some stuff that many people wont go through in a lifetime, she ended up quite unwell and I ended up unwell through sheer worry about her, it took over 7 months to sort out and really wasnt pleasant at all and thats the understatement of the century. I had hardly any social life that year because I just wasnt able to do it, we were all under too much stress. I also went through some fairly tough personal stuff myself towards the end of 2012, due to a bully boss who was so obnoxious to me I ended up on anti depressants and in counselling and 2013 saw me try and get back on my feet in a lot of ways. It was important to me to try and pick up a social life even if in the end I didnt always have a great time doing so. My gran had a massive unexpected stroke and died at the end of 2010, I spent most of 2011 not socialising and just as I was getting back on my feet my family had a horrendous 2012. Im actually proud of myself for being able to get back on my feet and get back out there with friends last year, given the way the last few years have been, irrespective of whether I had a good night out or not in the end.

Ive had much more to worry me lately than whether someone thinks its offensive that I said that I had a rotten night out or even more than one rotten night out in Glasgow and I wont be spending another second explaning myself for what I said in previous posts.Theres always a bigger picture and my point is, sometimes it takes a lot for people to post on these boards and share their experiences or even part of them, more than people will ever know.

Changing the subject, I didnt make thump nor body attack this morning, I slept well which I generally dont, I must have knackered myself in grit plyo last night, so I'll look for something else to do either at lunchtime if I get a move on and get out of my onesie or tonight.

Have a good day everyone.:)

paulineb_2

LavenderBees wrote: »

It's not boring! You like what you like. But I know that gym work etc isn't necessarily sociable. Even classes often aren't.

But what you are trying doesn't seem to be working for you just now, so perhaps, and this is just a suggestion, you could maybe look into trying some different things; things that may not be in your comfort zone or even things that you initially disregard, to see if you unexpectedly enjoy them/meet more like minded people.

It's very difficult, I know. But if something isn't working, my own feeling is stop, take time to rethink and try something (even slightly) different.

Just a thought....

Yes you are right. Part of the problem is that theres not a lot to do in the town I live in or the next couple. Im not flush so Ive always resisted spending more money on something like dance classes lets say, because my gym membership only costs 20 pounds a month, I used to do an adult tap class before I broke my arm but I never picked it back up after that happened.

Just not sure, theres nothing that immediately grabs me, what I may do is do an evening course at the local college in August or September, I might get a fee waiver because Im on a low income, I had thought of doing it last year but didnt get off my bottom quick enough.

Ive done nothing much today apart from sit in my onesie, have made a pot of soup, most of the classes I would want to do at my local centre tonight are full because everyone is in their its January get fit mode. Fed the birds as well and need to go out and buy more cat food, but that is about it for me today.

And take my collection of empty soda water bottles back to the shop, you get 30p back for every bottle, but the shop lets you spend them, Ive got about two pounds worth sitting looking at me just now.

Ive got really bad DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) anyway so I dont think I could have squashed out a burpee today if I had tried anyway.

calicocat

Well people.....

I have had a challenging day. I was telling a friend last night about my 'no buying clothes for 6 month'....her response was loud laughter for around 7 minutes....uninterrupted.

Anyhow to day...

In Durham shopping with mum.....did by a couple of discounted flipping xmas tree baubles (blast it).....but NO spends on clothes, and I was in about 8 clothes shops with her.

I'm not going to say it was easy.

Lunch.....had healthy jacket with coleslaw..!!......and NO glass of wine...that wasn't that easy either as it's just habit that we have one. Anyhow, resisted.

Due to not spending ended up swiping a few things from mums house instead.....lol....including another herb.

Tonight......this is going to be another danger zone, my life is full of danger zones.!!...lol. I can't buy clothes as it's a restaurant, but ordering healthy food may go buy the wayside, and will allow myself two glasses of wine if i'm not driving.

No alcohol in house as took one to friend other day for birthday and drank other over a couple of nights......so I am in an alcohol free zone.( god that's another zone)...wish me luck keeping it that way!!

Have a new money jar at the ready.


Seeds are being very elusive so far....Hmmmmm....we've had a chat about this, but they are still nowhere to be seen.

Byatt

Well done Calico, :T

I've been in the zone for organising my paperwork, making phone calls, asking for cash instead of a cheque for small payments of my cat sitting gig.

I still have alcohol in the house, but except for extreme stress, I don't drink a lot, and also I have times when it just doesn;t appeal to me.

Popped to see the only relatives I'm speaking to aside from my DD :cool:, and they seemed really pleased to see me, as I them and I've promised to make more effort this year.

Had a duvet day though after sorting stuff, but I think I needed it to recharge my batteries.

I'm not spending except for bills, so eating out of the LO's and store cupboard, oh I forgot I did get some food items yesterday but under a fiver. Weird meal concotion tonight but very tasty.

So, nothing mind blowing , but I am aware of a shift in my core, and considering it's only day 7 of the NY, I feel I;ve achieved a lot.

I'm still eating chocolate though.

calicocat

Byatt...

The food thing is another area I need to look at as I have an insane amount of stuff in my freezer. To get it all out and back in would be impossible as it is packed like a tardis.

I shall just have to eat my way through the stuff that comes immediately to hand at first and then have a good sort out. It used to be very organised, but somehow I have been shoving stuff in anywhere (probably due to literally using every inch of the thing.)

Glad you have made contact with some relatives and have a plan to keep in contact more, and duvet afternoons are just the best.