A Singularly Lonely Christmas

duchy

I think it is very easy to believe the nonsense on the TV that everyone is with family .....and for the whole holiday period too. Lots of people aren't-and even if they have an invite for Christmas day itself still find the ridiculously long holiday leaves them with too much time on their hands. You certainly won't be the only one doing the museums and galleries or anything else you choose to do alone. Lots of lone parents find themselves alone as their kids go to the other parent -people who work shifts and can't get to their family and back , others who have people around them who have to work over the holidays -partners of police officers, hospital staff, firefighters, retail workers-the list is endless. It is only office and factory workers on the whole who have this enforced break -not "everyone".... It just feels that way but you'll meet people and who knows they may become good friends in time-better ones than those who you feel have let you down this year. New year is always about new starts.....you'll be getting a few days head start on everyone else and working at making sure next year is a far better one for you than this year.

moments_of_sanity

What a lovely but emotional post.

The ideas given have been really great so far but I am afraid I can't add anything that might be remotely useful to you as I would have suggested similar things to those that have already been mentioned.

My DH has no family at all, other than me and my 2 girls and Christmas is a hard time for him too. I don't have a huge family and can count the relatives on one hand.

With regards to the adverts, I just laugh at them as if we all believed that everyone has a wonderful Christmas and all you need to complete it are the items advertised i can only imagine the debt I would be in.

So having seen adverts over the weekend, my imaginary list for having a 'wonderful' Christmas will be:

Dulux advert - oh of course my living room needs painting, I can't have visitors visiting me when my walls were painted over 5 years ago! :eek:

DfS - now, we all know that we need a new sofa otherwise Nanna will have to sit on my 10 year old, uncomfortable leather chairs that I have (ok, so I don't have Nanna's anymore but surely DfS can't be wrong can they?)

Dining rom table - oh again, poor Nanna can't be made to sit at my too small table with chairs that might not reach the table as well as others

Perfumes and bath 'things' - now who wants to smell like they do all year, of course I will need some new body wash on Christmas Day.......come on people keep up! :rotfl:

Clothes - let's go and buy a dress or lovely outfit just for Christmas Day.........let's not, Nanna's eye sight is fading and she won't even notice........

And finally..........Everyone needs a tablet so we can sit on the very uncomfortable 10 year old leather chairs and moan about them via 'tablet chat'!

Well, having done none of the above, I am in for a very very sad Christmas........NOT.

I really admire you giving up your time for others at Christmas, many people would just sit back and do nothing.

I am sure you will have a wonderful Christmas and New Year whatever you decide to do. I wish I lived nearer a beach as a winter walk along one sounds amazing.

Hugs and best wishes x

[Deleted User]

LAVENDERBEES I hope you can find a way to actually enjoy the holiday period, and that it isn't all a chore to be worked through. My DD lives on her own, and has never been married and I always worried about her feeling the way you do until she got her pet cat, he is a loving and warm being to welcome her in when she goes home and be there waiting as she goes through the front door. He is company for her, loves her unconditionally and has rapidly become her best friend! I don't know if you are a 'pet' person or even in a position to consider having a furry friend but it has made her so happy, I wonder if it might help you have love in your life and like her a purpose to being? Love Lyn xxx.

bargainbetty

Hello,

Have a look at this - http://sundayassembly.com/

It is a group that meet in a similar way to church groups, have a sing song, quiet thoughts, social activities etc, but are all secular, humanist or atheist. They still want to participate in community activities and help people, just for different reasons.

I hope that 2014 brings you peace and contentment x

Jo12

Hi LavenderBees

Totally understand where you are coming from. I like you, find this a very difficult time of year. My dad died 5 years ago and since then Ive really hated all of it (and wasn't that keen before that happened!). Ive also done voluntary work and that really does take your mind off it, so hope you enjoy that.
The first year after he died, I decided to go to Titchmarsh nature reserve in Norfolk. I packed some sarnies and a flask and expected to spend the day in glorious isolation watching the birds. I was somewhat surprised and actually quite heartened to find there were a lot of people there and many in my position.
I found it sad that so many people felt as I did and couldn't cope with it all, but actually also touching that there are more of us than I thought! I ended up chatting to a man who had lost his wife and also wanted to escape the whole 'perfect Christmas' thing.
There was also a couple in the car next to mine that had an entire Christmas dinner on plates that they were busy tucking into. It was a surreal experience.
Like many others have said, there are a lot of us who struggle with it all. If Im honest, I have sometimes felt Im missing out, but from what most posters have said, maybe Im not!
I do like the freedom of living and being alone, but I think the media has a lot to answer to sometimes and tries to make anyone who doesn't fit into their norm feel bad.
Love the ideas about making the most of the break, so thanks to those people who suggested stuff - Im off to make plans!!

poppyjane

Hi LavenderBees,

I just wanted to add again, that these happy families.... you can bet that most of them aren't! I've been a single parent since my daughter was a baby, and I had SUCH a chip on my shoulder. And then I stopped, and really looked around me. Turned out me and her always seemed to be having more fun than the 'happily marrieds'!

Hope you have a lovely Christmas whatever you end up doing. Do you like reading? Could be a good opportunity to bury your head in some good stories, and it will keep you away from the puke inducing adverts on the TV!

Jane

viv0147

Hi I live alone, and although I have a loving family they all have their lives to lead! So since my retirement I have had to adjust to living alone, except for the occasional visits from my family and friends and if I didn't make an effort I could be days without other human contact. So this is where Skype came in, although I am not an english teacher I have been teaching basic english to people all over the World who are desperate to learn english, so besides it being very interesting it's also been good company and on times a good laugh, over the last 18 months I have had 4 offers of a free holiday as a thank you for my help which was nice to receive but my travelling days are over.
So download Skype which is free and free to use, it will also be good to keep in contact with family and friends where distance could be a problem. There are people all over the World who could do with your help, and you can do it from the comfort of your own home.Merry Christmas

115K

LavenderBees wrote: »

Hi All

At the risk of bringing the Christmas preparation mood down, I could do with some good, constructive OS advice, please.

For reasons too depressing to go into here, I find myself this Christmas with no family, no partner, and my few very good friends too far away, to spend Christmas with. In fact, having lost both my parents this year, and having been left unexpectedly and very sadly unsupported all year by siblings and "friends", I feel I pretty much have no one.

((Hugs)) I have spent a few Christmas times alone too and it's hard.:(

Tiglath wrote: »

Howabout meetup? There's probably a group near you with likeminded people:

http://uk.meetup.com/

LavenderBees wrote: »

Inspired by the positive vibes on here, and starting to feel less pathetic by the minute, I have just this evening joined a Newcastle Meetup group. Hoping there will be something advertised between Christmas and New Year that I fancy meeting up with people to do. ::)

I was going to suggest meetup too. I know people who have made great friends through it.

dandy-candy

So sorry you are having a tough time this festive season. I don't have much to add as everyone has given you wonderful suggestions.
I personally always found the large family gatherings meant I missed all the good stuff on tv! I would get you Xmas viewing planned for the quiet days, go to somewhere really nice like M&S and buy yourself a special naughty pud, and very importantly make sure you get yourself an Xmas pressie (and the cats too ofc).
And don't forget there will be loads of people on here moaning about burnt dinners, annoying relatives and heaps of washing up - at least you will avoid that!

lushplus4

I was going to suggest you buy yourself something really lovely, that is something that you wouldn't normally treat yourself to. Wrap it up and put it under the tree along with treats for the cats too.
I am sure your day will be relaxing, calm and peaceful .