Time off from school for access visits

Nikkisun

My sons father has recently relocated 350 miles away from where we live and once a month my son travels up by train to visit him.

The journey takes almost 6 hours so if he travels up after school on a Friday he doesn't get there until nearly 10pm and he has to leave just after lunch on the Sunday to get back home, this effectively only gives them one whole day together per month.

During the months when a school holiday falls it's not as issue as obviously he can go up for longer periods.

My question is where would we stand if we asked the school if my son could be absent for one day a month when there are no holidays (this would be 5 missed days of school per year).

FatVonD

I think the father should take a day off work to do the 6 hour journey once a month and stay in B&B or a Travelodge locally with your son.

Nikkisun

FatVonD wrote: »

I think the father should take a day off work to do the 6 hour journey once a month and stay in B&B or a Travelodge locally with your son.

In an ideal world yes but it'll never happen and I'd rather my son saw something of his father even if it means me putting the time in to take him up to London to put him on the train and going back up to collect him.

LEJC

Nikkisun wrote: »

In an ideal word yes but it'll never happen and I'd rather my son saw something of his father

access really needs to be a 2 way compromise and its unfair on your son to miss school just to travel to see his dad,and unfair to ask the school to authorise it IMO.


The boys father should make the effort to see his son...your quote makes it seem that perhaps hes not interested in contact...is that the case?

Nikkisun

LEJC wrote: »

access really needs to be a 2 way compromise and its unfair on your son to miss school just to travel to see his dad,and unfair to ask the school to authorise it IMO.


The boys father should make the effort to see his son...your quote makes it seem that perhaps hes not interested in contact...is that the case?

He is interested in contact but he says he can't afford to travel down here for access. My initial thought to that is 'tough' but then it's my son who misses out.

peachyprice

So your ex goes to work as normal then sits at home waiting for his son to be delivered almost to his doorstep while your son misses a day of school and makes a 6 hour journey? Sounds like there's an awful lot of take and not a lot of give.

I sincerely hope the school do not authorise this absence as it's purely down to parental selfishness. However, there's nothing they can do if you simply don't send your son to school on those days, they can't fine you or prosecute you for allowing him to take one day off, it will just show on his record as unauthorised absence.

How old is your son BTW?

Amanda65

So when your son's father moved 350 miles away, how did he think access arrangements would work?

I would have thought that if he genuinely wants to see his son then he should find some way to make it work for you all. As much as he wants to see his Dad, your poor boy must be exhausted when he visits. How old is he?

Nikkisun

My son is just 13 - and trust me I really don't want to take him out of school. To be honest it would be easier all round if I could just cut out all contact with his father (he's useless in more ways than one) but my son only sees the good parts (I know this will change as he gets older and he realises the truth of the matter but until then he's going to think the sun shines out of his backside)

The problem is I'm the one who's being seen as the bad guy and I don't want my son to think I'm stopping him from seeing his dad.

peachyprice

Would your son accept it if it were the school refusing him time off rather than you not wanting him to take time off?

It might be worth having a chat with his head of year, explaining the situation that you would really rather they didn't authorise the absence, then it relieves you of the burden of being the baddie.

tyllwyd

Schools have got much tougher about attendance, so I can't see them authorising days off for travelling. If you want to do that, I think you have to be prepared for a certain amount of grief for unauthorised absence, or attendance dropping below a certain percentage.


If he's 13, will he be going into year 10 next year? From my DDs experience, once they start GCSE it gets much more difficult to catch up with absences - the lesson they miss always turns out to be important for one reason or another - so personally I'd be looking for a different way to organise things. If they only get one day together some months, maybe that's just the way it is. Perhaps if you can find out the dates for TD days asap you can organise some slightly longer trips around those?

Nikkisun

peachyprice wrote: »

Would your son accept it if it were the school refusing him time off rather than you not wanting him to take time off?

It might be worth having a chat with his head of year, explaining the situation that you would really rather they didn't authorise the absence, then it relieves you of the burden of being the baddie.

That's a good idea - I think I'll pop in and have a word with his tutor and take it from there.

As a compromise I've emailed his dad suggesting that on the seven months that there's a school holiday then my son travels up as he can spend more time up there and on the other five months then he travels down, I'll be surprised if I get a reply and downright astounded if he agrees!