Time off from school for access visits

sillygoose

As a father I am still trying to get my head around the thought of being 350 miles away from my child, and can't.

Sorry but I think the father has made this unworkable on purpose and you need to go forward on that basis.

Desperado99

Wouldn't it be a bit more sensible (granted the father doesn't sound the most sensible person in the world) if your son visited just in the school hols? As it's not much different to monthly really. That way he could stay a little longer so he gets more time with his dad with less travelling time (I'm not saying whole weeks, but he could travel back a day or two later).

Toto

There is a school holiday every 6 weeks or so, I'd stick to longer visits then if it were my son. There is no way I'd allow my child to miss school regularly just because the dad is too bloomin lazy/tight/inconsiderate (take your pick) to compromise and take some of the travel burden away from his 13 year old child.

Spendless

There's not that many months that don't have a school holiday in them, so I'd go with sticking to school hols even if that means visiting once every 6-7 weeks rather than every 4. Autumn term is usually the longest school term anyway and that's almost over. Spring and Summer term are shorter. I think where I am the 1/2 term between Easter and Whitsun is only 4 weeks long.

Have you had a look on your son's school website for any inset days planned? These could be planned as times to visit. They aren't always tagged on to a holiday eg, my 13yo had a 'random' Friday in October, 2 weeks before half term, my 10yo has a random Friday in March and another in June.

maman

I don't know if son has complained about excess travelling to see father for one day or it's just your take on it. If he's happy with it then I'd stick with it for the time being. Son may get fed up or find other activates get in the way after a while.


Alternately, I'd put it to son that he goes for the same amount of access (or more) but spread out differently. So every school holiday for several days (or even weeks at the ends of terms) and weekends when there's a training day on a Friday or Monday. That seems like a reasonable compromise.

Pthree

Is there perhaps a way where they meet in the "middle" every now and again?

I guess this would mean additional hotel costs etc but as someone who also travels 350 miles (London to Penrith / Carlisle) by train every few weeks and knowing the cost, a night or two in travel lodge somewhere would more than likely be a cheaper option.

P3

mummyroysof3

I lived 250 mile away from my dad and by the time I got to 14 I wanted to travel less as I wanted to do things with my friends and got a part time job. This issue could sort itself in time but I highly recomend not doing anything to affect your child's school attendance and work.

Nikkisun

Thanks all - I have suggested that he visit only in school holidays - you'd gave thought it suggested he got a part time job drowning kittens (neither son or ex was happy with this).

Meeting in the middle and staying in a travelodge etc is apparently not acceptable due the cost (the train fare each month even including 2 return trips to London for me is around £60 and ex will not pay more than this).

I'm going to talk to the school and hope they say no or at least agree that if ex contacts them then they'll say that it's not possible.

Then I'm going to grin and bear the whinging and just hope that the novelty of travelling wears thin especially when other activities seem more interesting!

He's only done the trip twice so far, once in October half term and last weekend, his next trip is to go up for Christmas which is going to be hard as I've always seen him on Christmas before but he asked to go and I don't want to be the mean person who says no!

Nikkisun

Driving won't make any difference unfortunately as it's a six hour drive on a good day with no traffic let alone Friday evening rush hour so we'd still have the same problem that he wouldn't get there until 10pm on the Friday.

ostrichnomore_2

• The law says that from September 2013 parents do not have the right to take their children out of school for a holiday during term time.

• In exceptional circumstances a request for absence must be made in advance to the Headteacher who will inform you of his decision prior to holiday booking.

• If absence is not authorised and the student goes on holiday, the absence will be recorded as unauthorised and reported to the Local Education Authority, who may issue a Fixed Penalty Notice
which means a parent may be fined by the Education Welfare Service.

I think these days count as a 'holiday' from school, so the school is not supposed to authorise them. If he is absent anyway, then there is a Fixed Penalty Notice (I believe from other posts on here it's £60? for each day PER PARENT, so a total of £120). Ask your ex if he is willing to take on all responsiblity for dealing with the Education Welfare officer who will get involved, and for paying the £120 penalty likely to be raised for each day's absence. Bet that changes his mind.