I'm a saver, he's a BIG spender.

paulineb_2

MissMango08 wrote: »

Sorry I should've explained a little more! From as far as I can tell, his parents don't have a mortgage, I know they don't have any insurance for anything from things he's told me, he pays all the utilities, phone/tv/internet, and he's mentioned his mum spends £100 a week of his money on shopping. But you do actually raise a very good point!When I was thinking about it this morning, how can he afford everything? I know he's not on a brilliant wage.. and I have asked him why he lets his mum spend that much a week at the supermarket, and then doesn't actually utilise much of it and has takeaways. He says it's because its so good :huh:

Urgh... why am I even bothering with this? I know that his hobby isn't something he will ever give up so why am I still hanging around? He's really REALLY into it, he's been around it all since he was born, his family is into it, all his friends are from it, it's a life long thing...

I feel sorry for him if that's the life hes leading, where he looks as if hes being taken advantage of.


Also, I think theres a very fine line between spending too much and saving too much. Im not sure in your position Id be saving as much as you are but that's your choice


Also, you talk to him, you aren't dating him. You cant know hes the perfect guy right now. But if you are a friend and you do care about him, perhaps you should ask if he is ok with everything that goes on at home for him rather than worrying about how hes perfect but doesn't fit into the way you like to handle finances.


It would only be a concern if you were ever going to live with him and you aren't even dating him yet.

paulineb_2

I didn't start saving until I was in my mid 20s. I have pensions and have had for a long time, but Ive worked in jobs where theres hardly any security and I now work in a job that's not well paid at all, none of us can predict the future and know what kind of job we will be in in 20 years time, maybe some people still have a job for life.


If hes not a saver, that's entirely his choice, for all you know he could be paying into a works pension and for now, that's enough for him.

Callie22

If he is subsidising his parents to the extent that the OP suggests, then I seriously would not want to be the potential daughter-in-law that gets in the middle of that. It really does not bode well for a harmonious relationship.

January20

OP, have you been reading the thread Ostrichnomore has just started on this board? About sharing her life with someone who doesn't have the same attitude to finances. Might be a useful read.

Saturnalia

It sounds like his hobby is one that needs regular upgrades of kit. If he does know plenty of others who take part, can he not buy their outgrown gear and sell on some of his, to keep costs down? I'd have thought most pricy social hobbies would have some sort of sell n'swop system.

As for paying to keep 3 adults on a low wage... hmm. I'm hearing alarm bells.

paulineb_2

They've not even been on a date yet. I think the OP is getting way ahead of herself. Its possible to like someone and not have the same attitude to money, but if she wants to look for someone with the same attitude to spending as she has, Im sure there will be plenty of young men out there saving for all they are worth.

theoretica

I am wondering if this might be a cultural thing? There are cultures where it is common for larger family units to live together so sons would not move out and I can see that so long as someone is earning enough for the moment then that could be seen as sufficient.

kitrat

MissMango08 wrote: »

I've learnt a hard lesson, you really can't change people, they have to change for themselves.. is this something that will apply to this situation do you think? I don't know what to do, apart from this issue he is the perfect guy...

Yes, sorry

Just to expand - I think considering your relationship hasn't even taken off yet you're already going to be making too many compromises. And as a wise person before has already said, you don't want to be the woman who get's in between him and his family with regards to the money he's paying. I think there are enough of those sort of threads on here already!

paulineb_2

My goodness, all this effort and worry over someone who isn't even your boyfriend. Just a word of caution though, you might find someone who likes to salt away every single penny he earns, but you might need to kiss a few frogs who aren't good with cash until you meet him, and is there such a big deal about going on a few dates with someone to see if you get on? Do you need to be planning your future together when you haven't even been for a coffee yet?

paulineb_2

I know someone who drifted through his 20s not doing very much and unable to find permanent work but when he did, got on with it and now has a full time job, his own business part time and has just bought a house.


The way someone is at 22 isn't necessarily the way they will be at 32, its called growing up for a lot of people. Some young people want to be able to live at home, not save and make a few mistakes along the way before settling down, other people will have a family, kids and a mortgage by the time they are 25. Just because someone isn't very motivated or good with cash by their early 20s, doesn't mean its always going to be like that.