I'm a saver, he's a BIG spender.

Goldiegirl

As they are just friends, and not dating or in a relationship, what he does with his money is really nothing to do with the OP.

I'm sure we all have friends with completely different attitudes to money, yet we still remain friends.

If they got into a relationship, which turned serious, then they'd need to talk about money.

As long as both people in the relationship are willing to compromise, having different attitudes to money can be healthy.

A spender will help a saver to part with money from time to time, and a saver will curb the spenders expenditure.

Two savers together is not necessarily a good thing. They might scrimp and save and never spend anything, and end up missing out on a lot of exciting things they could have done just by loosening the purse strings from time to time.

I have always saved, or tried to save each month, right from childhood when pennies went into my piggy bank and then into my post office account.

On the other hand, when I met my husband, he had no savings at all. He was paid his monthly salary, paid his mum his keep and then spent the rest on his car and enjoying himself.

34 years later, we have no debts, savings in the bank, and have also enjoyed lots of good times by spending some of that hard earned money.

It's all about balance and compromise, and learning from each other.

paulineb_2

Goldiegirl wrote: »

As they are just friends, and not dating or in a relationship, what he does with his money is really nothing to do with the OP.

I'm sure we all have friends with completely different attitudes to money, yet we still remain friends.

If they got into a relationship, which turned serious, then they'd need to talk about money.

As long as both people in the relationship are willing to compromise, having different attitudes to money can be healthy.

A spender will help a saver to part with money from time to time, and a saver will curb the spenders expenditure.

Two savers together is not necessarily a good thing. They might scrimp and save and never spend anything, and end up missing out on a lot of exciting things they could have done just by loosening the purse strings from time to time.

I have always saved, or tried to save each month, right from childhood when pennies went into my piggy bank and then into my post office account.

On the other hand, when I met my husband, he had no savings at all. He was paid his monthly salary, paid his mum his keep and then spent the rest on his car and enjoying himself.

34 years later, we have no debts, savings in the bank, and have also enjoyed lots of good times by spending some of that hard earned money.

It's all about balance and compromise, and learning from each other.

I think thats spot on.

MissMango08

UPDATE

I tried talking to him some more about all of this and to try find out some more about why,and I found out that he's taken out three loans so far in his life to buy 'shiny things' . He said he had the money in his account but 'didn't like spending it' so took out loans to pay for the stuff and then paid the loans back, and obviously with interest. And he sees nothing wrong with it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

MissMango08 wrote: »

UPDATE

I tried talking to him some more about all of this and to try find out some more about why,and I found out that he's taken out three loans so far in his life to buy 'shiny things' . He said he had the money in his account but 'didn't like spending it' so took out loans to pay for the stuff and then paid the loans back, and obviously with interest. And he sees nothing wrong with it.

Run. Now.


That was my ex. Always taking out loans rather than living just fine on what he earned.

And now, thanks to that, the house he bought with his partner is tatty, they're both up to their eyeballs in debt and once their house is sold (they split up recently and their debts mean neither can take over the mortgage), they will have absolutely nothing. Not great at the age of 40.

paulineb_2

MissMango08 wrote: »

UPDATE

I tried talking to him some more about all of this and to try find out some more about why,and I found out that he's taken out three loans so far in his life to buy 'shiny things' . He said he had the money in his account but 'didn't like spending it' so took out loans to pay for the stuff and then paid the loans back, and obviously with interest. And he sees nothing wrong with it.

Hes repaid the loans. Id have more cause for concern if he took out loans and didnt pay them back.

Tbh, considering you arent his gf I dont think you should be so interested in what he spends his money on.

Laurajo_2

To be honest...

I'm not terrible with money, but I'm not inherently a saver. I have a fund for 'everyday' emergencies and put away for christmas etc, but certainly wouldn't have enough savings to live on for six months. I probably should worry about this, but I don't. It isn't my nature.

The only time I have saved hard was for our wedding - we had to bring it forward due to illness of a close family member so had to find the money quicker than we otherwise would have. Although we were still able to maintain a 'reasonable' lifestyle ie had enough for food, clothes, heat etc, it was quite a miserable time....I think there needs to be a balance. I did manage to save for the deposit for our house, too, but that wasn't as bad.

Am I correct in assuming you're not actually in a relationship with this guy yet? If so, I think you're putting the cart before the horse.

Yes, he sounds like he's a bit silly with money, but I would guess that most people, male or female, are a lot dafter with money when they are younger. My brother was horrendous - managing to get in debt up to his eyeballs whilst still living at home with my parents, always skint two days after payday, blowing money for the sake of it...now he owns a very nice three bedroomed house, contributes to a pension and has savings. Obviously, this didn't happen overnight, and as far as I can tell, his mrs isn't particularly money savvy either so I don't think she's licked him into shape, I genuinely do think he just got more mature towards his money management.

To me, it sounds like you are concentrating far too much on his financial management, and, at this stage, I don't know how it really affects you in any way....is he constantly borrowing money from you? Are you planning on moving in together in the near future etc? Dh and I have separate finances, no particular reason, it just suits us better but it does mean that if I want a £700 drumkit or he wants to spend £300 going to watch football, it comes out of the our own money, not the household money.

I agree caution is needed, and I can appreciate your concerns but I know plenty of couples where one is a saver and one is a splurger -

Dozey_crow

MissMango08 wrote: »

I've just replied to someone about the quote you've just quoted, and I honestly don't understand why he pays so much. I don't know what his parents do, I completely understand paying your fair share, which I do, my parents let me pay a little less than my fair share as they know I'm trying to save for the future, but I compensate by doing all of the hoovering, cleaning, dusting, washing, and cook dinner a lot of the time. My mum does the ironing, and cooks dinner with me, and my dad is disabled so can't do much.

I have a question for the people for the people who say that if he doesn't have an incentive to save why should he? I completely understand what you're saying and value your opinion, but I can't help but think, if you have the means to save, isn't it like an instinctive thing to do to save? It brings security, and less worry about your financial status. And eventually he will want to move out, just like I eventually will want to move out, I am saving up so I am in the position to do so. I don't have any definite plans as of yet, but I want to have that option when I decide I want to. So shouldn't he be saving anyway?

MissMango08 wrote: »

UPDATE

I tried talking to him some more about all of this and to try find out some more about why,and I found out that he's taken out three loans so far in his life to buy 'shiny things' . He said he had the money in his account but 'didn't like spending it' so took out loans to pay for the stuff and then paid the loans back, and obviously with interest. And he sees nothing wrong with it.

It sounds like you are going about things in the 'right' way and that you have had a good, positive influence from your parents which is great. It also sounds your friend hasn't been so lucky and that is really unfortunate and sad. BUT...I think it would be very detrimental to you to get involved with this man. He obviously has completely ideas about what is appropriate with money which is one very worrying thing. Perhaps, as others have suggested, it could be resolved in the longer term, but it may be an expensive lesson to learn. When I say this I am mindful that you can't really have a day about his finances until you live together (way way ahead I know) but at that point you could be paying for living costs for your (joint) home whilst he supports his parents out carries on as he is. so if he was unwilling out unable to change, his financial circumstances are relatively unchanged but yours may have taken a hit.

The second thing is becoming embroilled in these family dynamics will be tough. Even if he decides to change and withdraws support from his family there will be hell to pay and they may think that it is your influence. It won't make for a happy harmonious relationship in the longer term.

Do you do any hobbies or anything where you may meet someone more suited to your way of life and ideals... I think you should hold off on this one personally. But it is your decision and I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

krlyr

MissMango08 wrote: »

UPDATE

I tried talking to him some more about all of this and to try find out some more about why,and I found out that he's taken out three loans so far in his life to buy 'shiny things' . He said he had the money in his account but 'didn't like spending it' so took out loans to pay for the stuff and then paid the loans back, and obviously with interest. And he sees nothing wrong with it.

If he has a lot of financial responsibility within his family, perhaps he likes the security of savings for essentials and therefore sees loans for the non-essentials as the best way to maintain that security. E.g. boiler blows up tomorrow, he hasn't just spent all his money on 'shiny things', so can sort out his family - and he knows he can afford to pay back the loan bit by bit.

OH and I have a fair bit of emergency savings, incase any of us were off work for a while, incase there were big repair costs around the house or for my car, etc. and we have considered buying non-essential things on finance to leave those savings as just that - emergency savings. As it is, we've waited, saved up, etc. but that's just us and our outlooks.

To be honest, if these things are putting you off, no one's forcing you to be in a relationship. I'd say leave the bloke to live his life how he wants - if you're nitpicking before you're even in a relationship, I'd take that as a warning sign already and leave it be.

duchy

Hmmm I'm kind of reminded of some of the "How much rent should I pay" threads

HE says "I pay for everything"

MUM says "He's got no idea how to budget and won't move out even though it'd be better for him if he did so I'm charging him the same as a house-share and expect him to buy his own food (which he can't be bothered to shop for himself so gives me his debitcard when I do the weekly shop).

Which sounds more likely ?

paulineb_2

krlyr wrote: »

If he has a lot of financial responsibility within his family, perhaps he likes the security of savings for essentials and therefore sees loans for the non-essentials as the best way to maintain that security. E.g. boiler blows up tomorrow, he hasn't just spent all his money on 'shiny things', so can sort out his family - and he knows he can afford to pay back the loan bit by bit.

OH and I have a fair bit of emergency savings, incase any of us were off work for a while, incase there were big repair costs around the house or for my car, etc. and we have considered buying non-essential things on finance to leave those savings as just that - emergency savings. As it is, we've waited, saved up, etc. but that's just us and our outlooks.

To be honest, if these things are putting you off, no one's forcing you to be in a relationship. I'd say leave the bloke to live his life how he wants - if you're nitpicking before you're even in a relationship, I'd take that as a warning sign already and leave it be.

Quite, its a bit odd, all these concerns about someone who isnt your bf

OP, if you really want to be with someone who does nothing but save get out there and get dating and eventually you'll find someone like that. Hopefully.