Fab Frugal Wedding

FBaby

Many people do even better and get it for nothing at all....they get their parents to pay for it

*max*

Bazey wrote: »

These are facts not my opinions. Good grief you lot can be horrible sometimes.

Just because it's a fact doesn't mean it's welcome or appropriate. If someone came to you and said "Oh I'm so happy today!", would you then go and reply "That's great, but you know we're all gonna die, right?".

The name calling wasn't nice though, not on.

fluffnutter

I think it's great not to spend the crazy amounts that people seem to expect a wedding to cost these days. On the other hand, coming on a public site to bang on about how tight you've been just seems, well, tight. Saving on your gas bill, sure. Shopping around for the best insurance deal, you're mad not to. Counting the pennies like some old scrooge whilst you're still wearing your wedding frock, nah, not for me.

There's a danger it becomes an end in itself. 'How much we managed to save when we got married'. What was more important? Getting married, or being able to tell everyone you came in under budget? Are you going to be trotting out the story of your parsimonious wedding every christmas ad infinitum to your kids, grandkids etc.?

fluffnutter

Methinks lots of people have failed to get the awesome (and hot!) Bazey's sense of humour. Bazey, stick to the Arms my sweets. It's all a bit hormonal over on the marriages board

lostinrates

fluffnutter wrote: »

I think it's great not to spend the crazy amounts that people seem to expect a wedding to cost these days. On the other hand, coming on a public site to bang on about how tight you've been just seems, well, tight. Saving on your gas bill, sure. Shopping around for the best insurance deal, you're mad not to. Counting the pennies like some old scrooge whilst you're still wearing your wedding frock, nah, not for me.

We all have different priorities. .

Fwiw, ours was by that point speed, as we wanted DH to be more recognisably my NOK for medical purposes. Our parents WERE planning a huge wedding and we were getting less and less say, no deposits had been put down so no one lost anything, and we held hands the whole day. While I sometimes wish I'd had a 'proper' wedding when I really think about it I love the way we did it. We wore clothes we already owned....I picked flowers from the garden that morning to carry, and we held hands the whole day and faced it much like we have everything else in our marriage, together, ourselves. . It really wasn't about saving, it was about getting formalised what we already felt, quickly, simply, and not taking our eyes away from other goals that were, to us, more meaning ful. We already felt committed and saw what we did as a formality. An important one, but something we had already committed to, agreed and made clear to friends and family. I think it might be different if you haven't lived together and stuff...and I love all the traditions, its just, they were not our priority.

Dh's finals started the next day (I think, it might have been two days) later. His mates all were asking what everyone had been up to in the run up to exams and DH said 'got married' just before they went in and left everyone a bit flabbergasted thinking it was a joke, :rotfl: .

We keep saying we'll have a big party.....but actually....I don't know if we ever will now.....maybe if we make it to silver wedding? Maybe tenth? In anycase, I'd choose a marriage over a wedding everytime. If we had kids and grand kids, I'd want them to see how happy our marriage was. I shouldn't think they'd be interested in whatever sort of wedding, apart from knowing we loved each other and made our own choices. (And I didn't wear a wedding dress.....I would have liked a wedding dress, but I won't do that even if we have a big party, well past that now!)

paulineb_2

I think its a fab story, weddings dont need to be expensive and for people who want an expensive wedding fine. If I ever got married which I dont think I ever will, it would be as cheap as you get, theres 3 of us in my family including me, no big weddings.

My mum didnt have a big wedding, my gran and grandpa didnt as they got married in war time and my brother lives with his gf and not married yet

I wouldnt have the cash to spend on a big wedding even if I wanted one.
Which I wouldnt anyway.

daisiegg

lostinrates wrote: »

, I'd choose a marriage over a wedding everytime. )

Disclaimer - I have taken your quote out of context and I absolutely know you probably didn't mean it the way I am about to take it, and you are not at all judgemental about how other people live their lives.

However, the quote I have taken is one you see quite often on these boards when people discuss the cost of a wedding, and it seems that people (not necessarily you at all) often imply that if you have a big/expensive wedding, it must mean you are all materialistic and just getting married so you can have a big parity and won't have a good marriage. I resent that attitude We had a big wedding that would, by many people's standards, be pretty expensive, but it doesn't mean we value our marriage any less, nor does it mean our marriage is destined to fail! It is not a choice between a marriage and a big wedding. It is possible to have both (and of course it is possible for big weddings to lead to marriages that end in divorce, just as people who went to the registry office in their jeans with two witnesses off the street could end up divorcing).

Again lostinrates, I know I took your quote out of context and I don't think you meant any of what I have said above, but it just made me think of the sort of thing that is often said.

paulineb_2

My mum got married in her jeans at a registry office second time around and did get divorced (thankfully as he wasnt a nice person).

Ive also had friends who have had huge weddings who are also divorced. My gran and grandpa were married for 35 years before he died, they didnt have much, in fact my gran didnt have an engagement ring, she did have a wedding ring, due to the fact that they were skint

I dare say even if they had spent a relative fortune on their wedding theyd still have been as happy as they were

The thing is, its a money saving site, dont think theres anything wrong with someone posting that they managed to get married frugally.

lostinrates

daisiegg wrote: »

Disclaimer - I have taken your quote out of context and I absolutely know you probably didn't mean it the way I am about to take it, and you are not at all judgemental about how other people live their lives.

However, the quote I have taken is one you see quite often on these boards when people discuss the cost of a wedding, and it seems that people (not necessarily you at all) often imply that if you have a big/expensive wedding, it must mean you are all materialistic and just getting married so you can have a big parity and won't have a good marriage. I resent that attitude We had a big wedding that would, by many people's standards, be pretty expensive, but it doesn't mean we value our marriage any less, nor does it mean our marriage is destined to fail! It is not a choice between a marriage and a big wedding. It is possible to have both (and of course it is possible for big weddings to lead to marriages that end in divorce, just as people who went to the registry office in their jeans with two witnesses off the street could end up divorcing).

Again lostinrates, I know I took your quote out of context and I don't think you meant any of what I have said above, but it just made me think of the sort of thing that is often said.

No what what I meant BUT I would say I would pay it if it meant starting married life in uncomfortable debt, or with resentments and bickering as often occurs in big weddings...the sort of petty resentments that follow through life based on who was a bridesmaid or what table people were seated on. . In our case dh's father and my mother were rivalling for who could place the oddest and most demanding requests. (Parents of the bride on steroids) and I was starting to act not like me because I was being told things like 'don't be silly, of course you cannot wear that colour/carry those flowers ' and our dates had to to fit in with everyone else's impossible diaries. Those kind of things just don't occur if you slip off and get on with it!

When I read about people making difficult and potentially not great future choices because of saving for a big party, (not everyone has the affordability) I think it sometimes does come down to the choice, because people are postponing the marriage for the wedding! I think OP's solution, a wedding where peoe felt involved, it was not ott, is a really lovely compromise. For many people that would be having both, but their ideal is something that realistically few can afford without significant impact in their lives. I think, it has to be considered, that your income bracket is good daisy, and you weren't choosing a home (or the type of home) to allow for a wedding, for example.


My comments was actually more about what I consider important when I think...'hmm, with I'd had a dress' but also fluffnutter's 'what would you want your grandchildren to get from it......well, nothing, but the example of a good, happy marriage, That's the bit that to me counts.

Things that wouldn't have happened if we'd had a wedding, like DH making the decision to go ahead I. The way we did (he'd previously felt very desirous to keep everyone happy) were part of the making of our adult selves I think. Also that we got ready together and were together all day, they were born out of the way our relationship was certainly, but have continued to be the tone. We , more than pomp, are what count in our relationship, and while that would have been the case if we had had a wedding, I feel that For us, these were very important steps in the graduation of our young selves into our marriage. When I look back I have few regrets, and many things to smile about.

And no, I don't think its a choice, but if I Got to do it again, in an ideal world......I'd want to wake up with DH, get dressed together and hold hands all day, regardless of what other choices we made. At a wedding I think that might be quite rude!

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

The thing is, its a money saving site, dont think theres anything wrong with someone posting that they managed to get married frugally.

Absolutely!