How can I resolve this situation?

meritaten

Notsosharp wrote: »

I think that's the problem, she's had so much hurt and so much carp from various people including her own Husband and sister during her life she pushes people away so she can't get hurt again!

yeah - but she obviously loves you! she must be very lonely if she keeps people at 'arms length' because she is scared of getting hurt again.
When the people you love most hurt you - its natural to be suspicious of others - and build walls to keep them out and stop them hurting you. and I bet she tries your patience! because she loves you so much it would kill her if YOU hurt her too!

HPoirot

The situation here as you put it:
your ex enjoys bad-mouthing you and your mum; now that he is your 'friend' he still lights it albeit in a roundabout way by telling what others say about you; you don't know if the CS lady said what she was supposed to have said; even if she had said it, you wouldn't be surprised as there is an element of truth in it.

Now the only problem I see in this situation is that you are terrified of what your ex says about you. Does he have a hold on you through the bad-mouthing? As for the CS lady, there is no problem at all, I think you have simply (unwittingly?) followed your ex's lead by lighting up things between your mum and the lady. I bet this is exactly the effect your ex intended? A bust up initiated by your mum so that he can rub his hands with glee and say to the CS lady "I told you that's how they are"?

As for fearing that your ex will bad-mouth you to your colleagues, if they know that you were once together and it ended acrimoniously, they will see him for what he is - a pathetic tattler - should he ever decide to 'enlighten' them on what he really thinks of you.

marisco_2

What good will it do your mum to speak with this charity shop lady and your ex, about what has been alleged to have been said? People who have their kind of mind set aren't the type that anyone with a bit of nous and savvy confronts. Far better to remain the better person and not react in any way. To do so risks them twisting things and using the situation to show your mum in a bad light again.

meritaten

I would tell the 'office gossip' in complete confidence of course, that you used to be married to 'ex'. and that the divorce wasn't amicable. then leave it at that. its enough that any thing he says about you will be taken with a large pinch of salt!

justme111

You have nothing to resolve. If you don't trust your ex not to turn people against you don't be his buddy. You all seem to be stirring up people in the bunch you mentioned , you rip what you saw.
How you should react to people bad mouthing your mum ? Stop the conversation there and then . That's it.