How can I resolve this situation?

Notsosharp

Shall I go in tomorrow then and ask her exactly what she said?

Should I also tell her who told me?

trolleyrun

Your ex threatened to kill you, you got an injunction, he bad mouthed you and your mum all over the place and is still nasty about your mum? Who needs enemies when you have friends like that? Not healthy!

Person_one

Notsosharp wrote: »

Shall I go in tomorrow then and ask her exactly what she said?

Should I also tell her who told me?

No!

Be a conscientious objector.

tiger_eyes

Notsosharp wrote: »

Shall I go in tomorrow then and ask her exactly what she said?

Should I also tell her who told me?

Genuine question. Do you enjoy this kind of drama? If not, you need to stay out of it - and that means out. No listening to it, no passing it on, no asking people if they've heard about it. That only stirs the pot. Just blank it completely. Tune it out. Ignore it.

*max*

trolleyrun wrote: »

Your ex threatened to kill you, you got an injunction, he bad mouthed you and your mum all over the place and is still nasty about your mum? Who needs enemies when you have friends like that? Not healthy!

This.

Either there's a desperate shortage of potential friends in your life OP, or you've developped a martyr personality!

Notsosharp

trolleyrun wrote: »

Your ex threatened to kill you, you got an injunction, he bad mouthed you and your mum all over the place and is still nasty about your mum? Who needs enemies when you have friends like that? Not healthy!

I feel guilty about the way I treated him (although at the time I thought I was doing the right thing).

When I was in a relationship with my Ex I was also close friends with another man. In the end I got with this other man but at NO TIME was I seeing the both of them at the same time, we were just friends.

Things hadn't been working out with the ex for such a long time, he and my DD hated each other and it was awful because he wouldn't be the adult and make the effort with her, it made things so uncomfortable. He even broke up with me twice before I finally ended it in December.

At no point did I have any intention of getting with this other man but that's what happened, it wasn't planned, not at all but we realised how we felt about each other and it just felt "right".

I didn't tell the ex because about a week after we broke up his mother died and he was really close to her. I thought he had enough to cope with without finding this out as well, ultimately I was trying to protect the Ex.

But I've felt guilty about it ever since, in the long run it didn't work out with this other bloke either and it's probably karma or punishment because I still miss this other bloke every day nearly two years later.

Notsosharp

tiger_eyes wrote: »

Genuine question. Do you enjoy this kind of drama? If not, you need to stay out of it - and that means out. No listening to it, no passing it on, no asking people if they've heard about it. That only stirs the pot. Just blank it completely. Tune it out. Ignore it.

I do usually, and believe me I don't tell her a quarter of what gets said about her but it was just the sheer cheek and two facedness of this woman that got to me.

When you hear it day in and day out not only from the ex but other people as well what am I meant to do? Just let people say things about my mum and say nothing?

Notsosharp

*max* wrote: »

This.

Either there's a desperate shortage of potential friends in your life OP, or you've developped a martyr personality!

This one, didn't help that when me and the ex split he spread rumours all about the town (which is tiny) which means a lot of people won't give me the time of day.

I'm not a martyr, I just don't like to hurt people's feelings, there is a difference.

bagpussbear

I think you should just back away from this situation. It's messy and no good can come from any confrontation from or to anybody.

Your ex shouldn't have mentioned it if he cares for you as a friend.

You shouldn't have mentioned it to your mum as she is now up in arms about it and upset.

The woman concerned may not have said anything of the sort and your ex is taking pleasure about telling you this story - after all he has a history of saying vile things.

Your mum shouldn't confront because really what on earth can the woman say, she'll just deny it, there will be a scene, your ex will kick off again - unpleasantness all round.

Your ex is the one I am suspicious of more here to be honest. Let's say the woman did say to him your mum is a stirrer - well so what? Haven't you ever said to someone ever how you didn't like someone, or what you thought of someone. Spreading it about to anyone who will listen is a different thing, but it appears she only said it to you ex (if she said anything at all!), so what pleasure is he getting from telling you?

Best advice is to tell your mum not to confront, for your sake if not for hers.

Sorry but I feel your ex may now be your friend, but not a very good one to you.

tiger_eyes

Notsosharp wrote: »

I do usually, and believe me I don't tell her a quarter of what gets said about her but it was just the sheer cheek and two facedness of this woman that got to me.

When you hear it day in and day out not only from the ex but other people as well what am I meant to do? Just let people say things about my mum and say nothing?

You have no control over other people's bad behaviour. If they insist on engaging in malicious gossip, that's up to them. You control how you react to it. Just blank them and walk away. They can get their kicks elsewhere.