How much would you/have you spent to attend a Hen do?

oliviasmummy

I've been on two this year both for the same bride who is my husbands cousin but also one of my best friends. The first was a 4day weekend to Portugal and the other a night out in town. The Portugal trip with flights/hotel/spends/clothes cost about £650. (Flights were quite expensive as it was the Easter holidays, hotel only cost £28 each for the 3nights). The night out in Leeds cost me £35+taxi home, the maid of honour had arranged a night out to a local bar for nibbles and drinks, then onto a karaoke bar where we stayed for the rest of the evening which included a package of private booth, dress up box, glass of champagne and 2 drinks per person. Luckily for me a lot of people didn't drink champagne or want drinks as they had had too many in the first bar so I only spent £10 the whole night (£25 I already paid upfront for the packages).

Portugal was amazing. The bride only had her 4bridesmaids, me and another friend go so it was more a ladies weekend. It was very relaxing, yes we did drink but not to the point where we were falling over hugging toilets or behaving badly. We did one night where we dressed as geeks and we were out till 5am and drunk ourselves sober. When I was first asked to go on the abroad hen do, I couldn't afford it along with one of the bridesmaids so the bride decided we would go the year after and we would look at booking in 11months time if we could afford it then brilliant if not she respected that. I worked overtime at work and sold some stuff collectables I had and paid for everything with that.

The bride was grateful we could make it and I was honoured to be asked but didn't feel pressured to go, she knew money was tight but I had the time before hand to save before I had to commit to anything

Any

jillie1974 wrote: »

i hate this trend for organised hen do's. its putting so much expense on friends.
for mine, we went for a meal- nothing fancy Lloyds No1 and then on to a nightclub friend had arranged we'd be in the private area. lots more fun
another friend has been on one recently where it was all day- cocktail making, perfume making, meal and then bar and club.

I think so many people feel like this, though I don't understand why at all personally.

If I don't want to go or cannot go, I just don't go. And I don't feel guilty at all.
I don't think they must do what I can afford, or go on the weekend I can go. It is completely optional and I take the invitation in such a spirit.

But I love it when people organise breaks, do's, parties, weddings or whatever. I love experiencing things and seeing places and drinking and chatting! But I appreciate not everyone is like that...


Obviously if the bride is putting a pressure on anyone to go that is bad and out of line, but I have never yet been in such a situation..

Any

sulphate wrote: »

A couple of my friends didn't come to mine because they said they couldn't afford it, I'll probably get negative comments for saying this but - for them - they just hadn't budgeted. They live at home, just went on an expensive abroad holiday and are/were always posting pictures on FB of their nights out and things they've done... so they could have afforded it if they really wanted to.

It was their nice way of saying that they are not that bothered about your activities and if it stops them going on nice holidays with your family they will not do it.
Or they just didn't want to go.

The point is, it is their money, their life and their time.

As you say, they could if they wanted to. They obviously weren't that bothered.

Not all people came to mine. But I didn't expect them all to come to be honest. It just wasn't their thing or they couldn't go.

Birdie85

I've turned down Hen dos that aren't my cup of tea or too expensive before, at the end of the day it's up to me to spend my time and money how I want, not how a bride wants. One of my refusals was in the lead up to my own wedding as money was really tight and the bride couldn't understand that I didn't have £60 a month for 5 months to put aside for her hen do- if I had that money spare, it would have been spent on my wedding and honeymoon, not her hen do!

The best one I went on cost about £100 for 2 nights in a cottage in the Lakes, with all food and drink included, we did Go Ape as the main activity on the 2nd day (the first day being taken up with travelling, lunch and spending about 4 hours in the hot tub!). I was more than happy to spend that money as it felt worth it. I'm afraid that's my limit though.

I've had to turn down another hen do next year as it's going to top £150 for 2 nights 'Glamping' (this really doesn't appeal to me) a day at Alton Towers and another as yet unspecified activity. Not only is it too expensive but I'll have a 2/3 month old baby at that point and the hen do is booked for the same weekend as the stag do, which my DH has already booked his tickets for (a weekend in Spain! But still costing less than £150 including flights, hotel and transfers so not too bad) and I explained to the bride and bridesmaids well before they set the date (they're good friends... but maybe not as good as I thought) that we can't both go away for a full weekend with such a young baby but they booked it anyway. Hey ho, it's yet another excuse to get out of doing something I didn't fancy! The bride said that she's planning a spa day closer to the wedding so people who couldn't make the weekend can still celebrate with her... that's fine but my entire hen do consisted of a day in a spa and a night out so I don't quite understand the need for a 3 day party at 3 times the price as well, surely you'd just plan something that includes everyone in the first place?!

74jax

I've spent around £300 for a weekend away (hen weekend) but gone with a friend and we've met up with the others for some parts but had time for us to do what we wanted also. That's wasn't too expensive to me, lots going on. There was also a meal for those who didn't want to go.

My MaidOfHonour arranged a spa in the morning for mine followed by lunch at mine, then cocktail making and lastly a cruise at night. It was nice as people could pick what they wanted to go too (some just the meal if money was tight) and most went to it all.

Its very to include everyone.

If you can afford it and want to then go, if not suggest a coffee/drinks another time.

Any

Birdie85 wrote: »

that's fine but my entire hen do consisted of a day in a spa and a night out so I don't quite understand the need for a 3 day party at 3 times the price as well, surely you'd just plan something that includes everyone in the first place?!

Why?? If you had to plan something so everyone is happy with it and everyone can go, you would never ever ever ever actually managed to get anything organised, you would end up peed off with the whole group and if you did manage to organise something you would end up doing something you didn't actually enjoy or something you do every weekend..

I do think sometimes people overestimate their own importance... don't take it as I am having a go at you Birdie, I mean it generally - but as well as the bride cannot expect everyone to turn up and do what she wants to do, everyone else also cannot expect the bride trying to pander everyone elses wishes...
And this goes in all walks of life. Sometimes people take things far too personally!!

Person_one

jillie1974 wrote: »

i hate this trend for organised hen do's. its putting so much expense on friends.
for mine, we went for a meal- nothing fancy Lloyds No1 and then on to a nightclub friend had arranged we'd be in the private area. lots more fun
another friend has been on one recently where it was all day- cocktail making, perfume making, meal and then bar and club.

They don't have to be expensive, if you're realistic and good at getting a bargain! I've been to a few for close friends in the last couple of years and they've all been less than £100 all in, which I consider pretty reasonable.

The thing is, we have a lot of nights out, I think its ok to want a hen party to be a bit more 'special' and include something you wouldn't normally do.

I would never spend hundreds, or sacrifice things that are important to me, or put myself in a situation where going on a hen do leaves me struggling. There are some people who massively overestimate how important their hen/stag do is to other people and expect a 4 night trip abroad, with a different 'theme' and activity each day, and that's just bonkers.

Person_one

sulphate wrote: »

A couple of my friends didn't come to mine because they said they couldn't afford it, I'll probably get negative comments for saying this but - for them - they just hadn't budgeted. They live at home, just went on an expensive abroad holiday and are/were always posting pictures on FB of their nights out and things they've done... so they could have afforded it if they really wanted to.

How much did it cost?

It is a bit self centred to plan something so expensive people would have to budget for it, and then get upset with them when they aren't willing to.

Lots of people get married every single week, of course its a special and once in a lifetime event for the bride and groom, but it usually isn't for the guests.

Birdie85

Any wrote: »

Why?? If you had to plan something so everyone is happy with it and everyone can go, you would never ever ever ever actually managed to get anything organised, you would end up peed off with the whole group and if you did manage to organise something you would end up doing something you didn't actually enjoy or something you do every weekend..

I do think sometimes people overestimate their own importance... don't take it as I am having a go at you Birdie, I mean it generally - but as well as the bride cannot expect everyone to turn up and do what she wants to do, everyone else also cannot expect the bride trying to pander everyone elses wishes...
And this goes in all walks of life. Sometimes people take things far too personally!!

Fair point Any, I actually didn't like my hen do that much because it had been ruined by too many people complaining about certain aspects so it kept getting whittled further and further down to something everyone was happy to travel to and pay for but which is the best direction to take, disappointed bride pandering to everyone's wishes (as I did) or disappointed bride when half your friends can't come because you don't change plans for the sake of people saying they can't afford it (as another friend did)?

It's hard not to take the slight about the hen party next year to heart (although I'm not that bothered really about missing out on a camping weekend) as not only was it planned on the weekend I specifically pointed out I wasn't free but it also happens to be my birthday. The bride and bridesmaid are 2 of my best friends so not just some random mates. OH got given the OK to go away as I assumed I'd have friends to spend some time with... as it stands now it'll just be me and my baby! At least there'll be more cake for me!

Paige_Turner

I recently got invited to a hen do. The bride told me it was a meal and night out in the next big town from where we live. I wouldn't say we are close friends, our OHs are good friends, which is how we know each other. Anyway I agreed, thinking it would be nice to go, and wouldn't be overly expensive. Within a couple of days, her maid of honour contacted me with a breakdown of the hen do. Turned out it was a whole weekend doo, with lots of activities etc planned and would cost £250 before we went anywhere. I couldn't afford that so I had to let the bride down. No-one else was only doing part of the weekend or anything so I didn't feel like I could do that.

TBH I felt bad for the bride, I think it had all gotten way out of hand and she couldn't stop her maid going mad!

If it were me, I'd be happy with a little spa day, maybe a night out, with my girlies around me. Nothing that people felt priced out of!