How to help my OH with his guilt over stolen car?(Long-sorry!)

dandelionclock30

Steet CCTV doesnt cover all the streets in the UK just some main routes and mainly the city centres.
Obviously main supermarkets and shops have their own.

Tiddlywinks

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Steet CCTV doesnt cover all the streets in the UK just some main routes and mainly the city centres.
Obviously main supermarkets and shops have their own.

Give it up... the insurance company and the Police were, quite rightly IMO, told the truth about the circumstances leading to the theft.

You disagree... let it go as it has nothing to do with the question raised by the OP.

mgdavid

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

My wife has short shift with this sort of behaviour. I would have been told to get a grip, there are people worse off than me, and I'd be forced to move on. Somewhere between the sensible trying to help attitude the OP is expressing and my wife's get a flipping grip attitude there is a solution. ..........

+1 for that

Netwizard

Leaving the keys in it and the engine running was silly. It doesn't take 2 seconds to get the keys from the ignition and insurance won't pay out, but luckily it doesn't sound like the car was worth thousands anyway.

At the end of the day, its a metal box on wheels that can be replaced. As long as GS was OK in the end, that's the main thing. Everything else can be sorted relatively easily.

Least he wont do it again!!

KME91

Has he ever had anything like this happen before? Maybe this is a first for him, and he's over reacting, but understandably so. It sounds like he's had quite a shock, plus the guilt on top, and the stress of replacing the car, costs etc. He maybe needs to get some help, talk to someone.

LandyAndy

1sttimer wrote: »

Thanks Lottie, the car was an X reg Passat, nothing exceptional. Yes, the police said it could be an opportunist looking for an easy ride home/someone who might take it to do robberies with then dump it. Worst case scenario is that the car is torched.

.

Ah. It's a £750 banger. I thought you'd lost something really expensive.

Tiddlywinks

LandyAndy wrote: »

Ah. It's a £750 banger. I thought you'd lost something really expensive.

It's all relative isn't it?

To some, £750 might take years to save up.

Regardless of that, I don't think the reaction is about the money... but the realisation that bad things happen and bad people exist.

mcja

Firstly, big hug for your OH OP.

If my son had shut his hand in a car door while my dad was looking after him and this situation had followed I would be so grateful that his first thought was for my son, not the car.
Although the items in the back are of sentimental value they, like the car, were just items.

Years ago (@10) mum and dad got burgled while they were asleep. They woke up and saw the torchlight. Even now they still ask have you double double checked the locks. Just get your OH ok again before his understandable behaviour at night becomes a routine.

Lostinrates has again made complete sense, and a good bit of TLC should help him a lot.

olgadapolga

My mum's car was stolen once (it was broken into and hot-wired) and she said that she felt completely violated by the theft. She did get the car back (it was used in a burglary) but couldn't drive it after that and subsequently sold it.

I don't think that telling your partner to "get a grip" is fair. He's feeling really bad about it and these things take a while to get over. He's naturally worried about the thief returning (and believe me, they do - as a child I lived in an house that was burgled repeatedly despite security measures being taken). I don't think that his behaviour is particularly abnormal but more to be expected, given the circumstances.

He needs to come to terms with what's happened. if I was in his shoes I'd be feeling pretty stupid and upset as well. There are things that you can do to help, for example the suggestion about changing the locks is a really good one and if he fits them himself then he may feel as though he is doing something positive to overcome the issue (and it will stop the doors being barricaded which is a safety issue).

He will get over it but it will take more than a few days. His unfortunate actions have impacted on the rest of the family as the car has been stolen and that's why he's feeling so guilty. Give him a bit of space, let him talk/rant about it (you don't have to listen to him after all, even if you have to appear to be "listening").

Hope you get your car and belongings back, it's a terrible thing to have happened. And take care of your partner, he's feeling vulnerable.

1sttimer_2

Thank you for all your supplies, the majority of them being very sympathetic, so thanks again.

Today he's feeling a lot better. Police came last night to give an update, and apparently 20 were stolen in our area (covering a very large area) and of those 20, only 2 were recovered. One was a right off, the other damaged but repairable. That news, strangely, made him feel a bit better, I think that knowing he wasn't the only one suffering was the key. Also policeman was really sympathetic and didn't make him feel stupid for leaving the key in, nor did he make out that it was only a 'banger' as someone kindly put it!

As for the house security, he's decided to upgrade the main house door which is a good thing, and if it makes him feel better, then so be it.

He was already on the lookout for a new car, the stolen one being passed down to me, so in effect I'm the one that's losing out!

I've told him, and friends have, that he was understandably upset over GS trapping his finger and that he was more important than the car at that time. Engine wasn't running, just key left in and lights on.

We believe in being honest, and if we were to lie about the keys, then it would become a worse deal than it is now, and a black mark made against us. Definitely not worth it.

He's had hugs and today I've made him smile by singing 'Look on the bright side of life' so I feel he's now moving forward. It will be on his mind for a very long time as you cannot just forget things like this happen but he will be a lot more careful in future, which isn't a bad thing.

Thanks again.