Where does my friend stand with his 7 month old baby?

FBaby

Your friend sounds incredibly immature and clearly selective with the truth.... which might be why the mother might be reluctant to have him involve.

Firstly, he needs to sit down and think very hard what it is he wants? Just to see his daughter once? To have some contact there and then to keep up with her, or to have very regular contact so he can actually be a proper dad to his child?

If it is 1 or 2, he shouldn't bother. It is selfish and won't do any good for the child. If it is 3, then he needs to be aware that he has a long road ahead of him, with multiple barriers and he will only get there if he is prepared to stick with his decision no matter what and that he will get there much much quicker and easier if he actually works on it with the mother. That might mean doing things he doesn't want to do, but that's the cost of having a child with a woman you are not committed to.

He needs to realise that first and foremost, he should be paying support towards his child. If is first attitude is that he will pay when he sees the child, he is on a very bad first step. Maintenance and contact are considered two different things in court.

He needs to weight the pros and cons of asking a DNA test. On one hand , he needs to know she is his daughter to move on, at the same time, if the chances are very high that it is, she might take real offence and that might make her resistant on everything from the start.

If he is totally 100% dedicated, aware of the consequences of being a parent -ie. a lot of it is much more giving than receiving- he should write to her, make her clear that he wants to be fully involved and is prepared to go the court way if necessary, but would much prefer to work with her on coming to an arrangement. Let her know that he will start paying her what the csa recommends, that if she refuses, he will put the money aside each month. Request that she meets with him, with a friend/family member if she wishes and they can discuss like adults, for the benefit of the child, how best to move forward, that he understands that it will be a while before he sees her on his own, but that he is fully committed and will do what it takes to get there.

To be honest, from the little you have written, I don't think he is mature enough to go through it, but maybe someone can guide him to start with.