Friend has let us down twice now

duchy

I thought friends A and B have already spoken and friend B told friend A she had fogotten. It sounds to me that friend A is more upset than she let onto friend B and the OP feels her role is to "punish" friend B for this. It all sounds very high school to me TBH.

According to the OP those that went had a lovely meal ...so the only person who apparently lost out was friend B.

(Quite honestly it sounds like a very odd "friendship dynamic" going on)

Own_My_Own

Op sorry if this sounds harsh, but you do post a lot about what people around you are doing or have done. Very often these things have nothing to do with you.
Try letting them sort their own issues out.

Pollycat

duchy wrote: »

I thought friends A and B have already spoken and friend B told friend A she had fogotten. It sounds to me that friend A is more upset than she let onto friend B and the OP feels her role is to "punish" friend B for this. It all sounds very high school to me TBH.

According to the OP those that went had a lovely meal ...so the only person who apparently lost out was friend B.

(Quite honestly it sounds like a very odd "friendship dynamic" going on)

I've read the OP's posts again and can't see where she says that A & B have spoken.

duchy

Pollycat wrote: »

I've read the OP's posts again and can't see where she says that A & B have spoken.

Post 1.............

fionajbanana wrote: »

Had a nice meal in the pub. We went outside and thanked A for the invite. Guess who came out of the eating place opposite? B with her DH, his friend and OH (Friend C). B never has apologised, said she had forgotten the birthday meal to A

.

maman

fionajbanana wrote: »

A was very upset over the whole affair.

desdemona01 wrote: »

We all have people in our lives like that. In fact my teenage son recently realised that one of his friends is unreliable in this way. I'll give you the advice that I gave to my son:
If it's an occasion when this person's absence is going to make a big impact e.g. only 1 or 2 people involved, choose someone more reliable to invite. If it's an event where it won't really matter whether they turn up or not e.g. a party or a big gathering of people, invite them but don't be surprised if the don't show.
I think there's a certain type of person who doesn't realise the importance of sticking with arrangements or letting people know if things change. Personally, I think it's bad manners.

paulineb wrote: »

Ive had mates in the past who have been pretty unreliable. Calling off nights out at the last minute and I'm still mates with them, I just tend to take plans with a pinch of salt and if I see them I see them and if I dont, well I have other friends I can go out with.

As other people have said, if someone clearly doesnt want to spend time with the other people in the group, there could be a very valid reason and I wouldnt keep inviting someone who doesnt look as if they want to be there.

I think Pauline and Desdemona have given very useful advice. So basically, she's shown herself up to be unreliable so don't rely on her. I have in-laws like that who frequently turn up late for events or don't turn up at all. Yes, it does seem to be very bad manners by most people's standards (unless of course she genuinely has a memory problem). You could stop inviting her but I would be take the moral high ground and include her in. Maybe one day she'll refuse and explain why?

I'm sorry you're upset but it does seem rather trivial, particularly as it wasn't even your own birthday. I think maybe you need to develop a slightly thicker skin.

Pollycat

duchy wrote: »

Post 1.............

OK, thanks for that, duchy.

To the OP:

fionajbanana wrote: »

I also would like the best way of asking why did B plan something last minute when she clearly knew and said about she will be there.

If you really feel that you should 'fire the bullets' then ask friend B straight out.

You might not like the answer though.

lostinrates

Op I have memory problems and this sounds very much like the sort of thing I would do if I had failed to input into my diary correctly.

I hate letting people down and being unreliable and it upsets me a lot when I get things wrong, my nature I am the sort of person who is early for things and is pretty reliable. I am aware not every one realises my apologies are sincere when I 'flake'.