Friend has let us down twice now

fionajbanana

A few months back, Friend A told me and several other friends to keep today's lunchtime free for her 50th birthday meal. During the past 2-3 weeks, I have asked Friend B don't forget about A's birthday meal and the place where we were going to eat. B spoke to A on Tuesday saying she will be there.

Myself, a few other friends and A met up at 12 noon before going to the table at half past. B never turned up. B has a mobile, but she only makes calls from it and switches the phone off between making calls. I tried to ring B at her home - no answer.

Had a nice meal in the pub. We went outside and thanked A for the invite. Guess who came out of the eating place opposite? B with her DH, his friend and OH (Friend C). B never has apologised, said she had forgotten the birthday meal to A.

I know Friend C as her sister is my neighbour. Found out that B only arranged to go out for a meal yesterday.

Why would B do this? The thing is B is only retired person out of the whole of the group of us that went out for the birthday meal. Plus the other 3 she dined with are also retired.

Most of the group that dined with me feel so disappointed with B. I would never do such a thing myself. This is the 2nd time she has let people down as she went to do something which was planned at the last minute but she knew of the other event well before and said to us 'I'll be there'.

It's getting to the point where we won't bother to invite her out anywhere again. If she questions this, we just say you let us down the past two times.

How do you approach someone that has let you and others down? I also would like the best way of asking why did B plan something last minute when she clearly knew and said about she will be there.

bebewoo

Maybe B is having memory problems that she does not want to tell you about - could be a medical issue.

duchy

Either you accept she genuinely forgot ....or you don't invite her next time.

Why do you need to approach her ? Why was her presence so essential to the meal that the whole event was ruined because she wasn't there ?

You sound more like aquaintances than close friends to be honest otherwise you'd know why she wasn't there. (and why wasn't friend C invited - had your little gang already excluded her -perhaps friend B was makbng a point if that is the case)

She's already told friend A (who invited her) why she wasn't there .....not sure why you want to stir things up ?

jacques_chirac

Maybe she doen't want to spend time with you, but doesn't know how to tell you/ wants to avoid a scene?

poet123

Please don't take this the wrong way but could she really have forgotten? Could she have the early signs of Alzheimers? Seems very odd that she spoke to the person on Tuesday,only made arrangements to go out the day before, and dined where she knew you could see her.

Either she really doesn't care what you all think or something else is going on.

desdemona01

We all have people in our lives like that. In fact my teenage son recently realised that one of his friends is unreliable in this way. I'll give you the advice that I gave to my son:
If it's an occasion when this person's absence is going to make a big impact e.g. only 1 or 2 people involved, choose someone more reliable to invite. If it's an event where it won't really matter whether they turn up or not e.g. a party or a big gathering of people, invite them but don't be surprised if the don't show.
I think there's a certain type of person who doesn't realise the importance of sticking with arrangements or letting people know if things change. Personally, I think it's bad manners.

fionajbanana

duchy wrote: »

Either you accept she genuinely forgot ....or you don't invite her next time.

Why do you need to approach her ? Why was her presence so essential to the meal that the whole event was ruined because she wasn't there ?

The meal was not ruined, but we did wonder why she never bothered to contact at least one of us, esp A as it was her birthday.

If she has the beginnings of memory probs like Alzheimer's, that is going to be more difficult to explain that she needs help.

delain

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Maybe she doen't want to spend time with you, but doesn't know how to tell you/ wants to avoid a scene?

I would have thought if that was the case she wouldn't be daft enough to be seen in the place opposite!

One more vote for she forgot.

I forget things all the time... and quite often people don't believe I've genuinely forgotten if I've been reminded. But forgetting it once certainly doesn't rule out forgetting it twice :o

CH27

Has she always been disorganised & forgetful or is it a new thing?

jacques_chirac

delain wrote: »

I would have thought if that was the case she wouldn't be daft enough to be seen in the place opposite!

One more vote for she forgot.

I forget things all the time... and quite often people don't believe I've genuinely forgotten if I've been reminded. But forgetting it once certainly doesn't rule out forgetting it twice :o

None too subtle way of getting the message across?

go_cat

The meal was optional and she decided she didn't want to go ....sorry but you can't force her

She maybe struggling for money and someone else paid for the other meal...or could be numerous other reasons why she didn't want to go