Friend has let us down twice now

dandelionclock30

Friend B for whatever reason isnt fussed for your company. If she was then she wouldnt be letting you down all the time. Some people cant spell it out and just tell you what you want to hear.
However actions speak larger than words. I think you need to move on really as she has done.

jackyann

fionajbanana wrote: »

A was very upset over the whole affair.

so it's probably your job to help A get over it. It seems that A has the following choices:
continue to feel upset and chew it over with her friends
tell B that she was disappointed and watch her reaction
just gloss over it as "one of those things"

I would take your lead from A, but I would also be careful about relying on B in the future.

paulineb_2

Ive had mates in the past who have been pretty unreliable. Calling off nights out at the last minute and I'm still mates with them, I just tend to take plans with a pinch of salt and if I see them I see them and if I dont, well I have other friends I can go out with.

As other people have said, if someone clearly doesnt want to spend time with the other people in the group, there could be a very valid reason and I wouldnt keep inviting someone who doesnt look as if they want to be there.

sulkisu

fionajbanana wrote: »

Sorry I cannot multiquote - tried before and it was a mess.

But the thing I pointing out is why does B agree to something to go to back in May and then arrange something else the day before?

If someone said to me yesterday, do you want to come out for a meal tomorrow lunchtime, I will always say thanks but I had something planned months before.

It sounds more and more like she simply forgot. Is there more to the story than you are saying, because you seem to be unwilling/unable to accept her simple explanation?

Ladyhawk

I have a friend who has done similar (but not so blatent). The last time was my birthday (actually... that wasn't the last time but anyway) last month when I had my party the weekend before my actual birthday. She come along to the party and when she was going she and another old friend arrange to go for tea on my actual birthday. Her suggestion.

Then the night before she texts us both saying "oh sorry, DH has tickets to the movies tomorrow, so no can do on the tea". As she NEVER answers her phone I texted her back and said it was not acceptable to cancel at the last minute, yet again. She really didn't remember letting us down on several occassions. This along with various other things has lead me to believe that she meant more to me than I did to her. I am not prepared to be treated like that and am distancing myself f relationship.

Anyway... the point of my story is why be friends with people who regularly upset you? I don't think "I forgot" is an acceptable response unless you have some reason to believe that she has Altzheimers or similar. It's selfish. If you don't want to go somewhere or do something then say "I am sorry, but I have other plans". Its not that hard.

Spendless

I have friends who regularly forget dates/times. A mini personal development course I did a few years back covered personality types and their characteristics and being punctual and 'rule keeping' was characteristic of one type, and being constantly 'flaky' with times was another. I can now spot the friends who are hopeless with dates and make contingency plans for them, eg I double check with one friend the day of the actual date to make sure it's still on.

Bennifred

desdemona01 wrote: »

We all have people in our lives like that. In fact my teenage son recently realised that one of his friends is unreliable in this way. I'll give you the advice that I gave to my son:
If it's an occasion when this person's absence is going to make a big impact e.g. only 1 or 2 people involved, choose someone more reliable to invite. If it's an event where it won't really matter whether they turn up or not e.g. a party or a big gathering of people, invite them but don't be surprised if the don't show.
I think there's a certain type of person who doesn't realise the importance of sticking with arrangements or letting people know if things change. Personally, I think it's bad manners.

I agree. And sometimes they aren't just unreliable - they will take a "better" offer if it turns up after they've arranged something :mad: There can be a limit to how many times such snubs can be forgiven.......

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Has anyone actually asked her why?

MrSmartprice

Many years ago I realised that some of the people I knew were unreliable when it came to sticking to arrangements. So I simply decided that it wasn't going to bother me, and I would stop making plans with unreliable people.

It is extremely annoying if you plan to have people round for dinner, for instance, and someone cries off. Another one was arranging a carload for a football match where someone's no-show put up the travel costs for the rest. So I resolved that nobody would do it twice.

Life is too short to worry about whether unreliable people have remembered something. So now I know my friends and am certain plans will be kept unless something disastrous happens. Just move on and forget about them.

Pollycat

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Has anyone actually asked her why?

A very good question.

And one that I think friend A should be asking friend B, not the OP.