Am I overreacting? (Long sorry)

Errata

Good luck for the future. If you want to figure out what the OH is up to, you could read up on passive aggression.

Bananabelly

conradmum wrote: »

I think you should stop trying to guess what's going on in his head. You seem to need him to be upset and want you back, or at least accept some responsibility for what's happened. Why?
The fact that he's being such an idiot about the whole situation shows that you're doing the right thing in splitting up with him. Honestly, he sounds very immature and insensitive.
Who cares what he's trying to do and what he's thinking? This man isn't worth the head space he's currently occupying in you. Concentrate on yourself and what you need to do to be happy. You know you're doing the right thing. That's what matters.
Good luck.

Thanks again to everyone for your support. I know he is not worth the time I am spending on him but it is still raw and part of me still does want him to understand and take some responsibility for this. I know it is at least partially his fault, and if he doesn't understand that he will fail in other relationships as well. But of course, what do I care about that now??
I spoke to my parents who, of course, were very supportive and said he should have rejected the invitation to the wedding in the first place as I wasn't invited.
I have spent this morning emailing friends that I have been slow to respond to and researching travel ideas, deciding what I want to see before I head back to oz. It still feels like a weight has been lifted, but I have been hurt and that needs time to heal too. It is a head versus heart thing I think: my head knows I've done the right thing but my heart hurts from being placed second best and that he could give up 7 years of a relationship just like that. I think it takes some time, when you have put a lot of energy into a relationship, to withdraw all of that and stop caring straight away, so I shall give myself a bit more time. I am off to do a bit more research on passive aggressiveness now.

I just want to say thanks a million to everyone who has posted on my message, the kindness of strangers is amazing! I will try and return the favour more often if I can. Perhaps now I have a bit more wordly experience to add!
:T :T :T :T

poe.tuesday

what are you plans for the house now?

Personally I would have it on the market asap and cut your losses and move on with your life, also if he's happy for you to do it all then why not put it up for auction, if it sells you get your money within 28 days, you may not get what you want for it if you put it with an agent but you will get free from him sooner if you want to be

good luck and keep positive

Jockthearab

Sorry to say but from reading your 1st post it sounds like you were 'a means to an end' i.e you two bought a house then his mate 'had' to move in to share the cost?! Ok, the gf moving in maybe wasn't planned but it would seem he had more loyalty to a friend rather than you, especially as he was prepared to leave you on your own to go to the wedding.

Put this down to experience. I know as an outsider this is very easy for me to say, but it's just a part of your life that you'll have to learn from and chalk down to experience. Sorry how it's turned out, but I'm on your side(like all other posters!) if it's any consololation!

Bananabelly

poe.tuesday wrote: »

what are you plans for the house now?

Personally I would have it on the market asap and cut your losses and move on with your life, also if he's happy for you to do it all then why not put it up for auction, if it sells you get your money within 28 days, you may not get what you want for it if you put it with an agent but you will get free from him sooner if you want to be

good luck and keep positive

He said he was happy to stay in the house for a year and fix it up slowly as we had planned! I said I wasn't interested in that. I think we will take the time to do it up, maybe pay a friend we have to come and hurry things up for us a bit, and sell it end of summer/autumn (hopefully). At the moment there is not a huge amount to do, but we do have to put the skirting boards back on downstairs as we have recently done all the flooring, and some other bits and pieces, a little bit of decorating which will make quite a difference. I think I can put up with him for a bit longer, we are getting on fine (he is actually helping me more around the house! There's always a silver lining :rolleyes: ) but I am not going to stay any longer than it takes to finish the house, and very non-MSE of me but I said we could go into the overdraft and stuff just to get things done (though I also said we would do the bare minimum to get it looking respectable and leave it at that, so I have been a bit MSE!). We can pay off the overdraft once we sell, so it won't be there for long I hope.
If it takes a long time to sell then I might think about auctions, but I am not very sure how the whole thing works (only seen it on TV!).

Bananabelly

Jockthearab wrote: »

Sorry to say but from reading your 1st post it sounds like you were 'a means to an end' i.e you two bought a house then his mate 'had' to move in to share the cost?! Ok, the gf moving in maybe wasn't planned but it would seem he had more loyalty to a friend rather than you, especially as he was prepared to leave you on your own to go to the wedding.

Put this down to experience. I know as an outsider this is very easy for me to say, but it's just a part of your life that you'll have to learn from and chalk down to experience. Sorry how it's turned out, but I'm on your side(like all other posters!) if it's any consololation!

I agree with you almost completely. We were actually sharing with his mate before we moved (when we were renting) and I tried to persuade him we could have our own little place, especially as the mortgage was less but he was too worried about money he said. As I earn more than him I even offered to pay bills in proportion to our salaries so I paid about 1/3 more than him but he refused - who knows maybe it was just all about sharing with his mate, I think it was at least partly that. I actually got on with his mate fine when we rented so it wasn't a big problem, it only deteriorated when his girlfriend moved in as she was so selfish and horrid. Anyway, I can certainly put that down to experience!
I am thinking like that though. I think this needed to happen, and I stayed a bit longer than I needed to but I needed to know that I wouldn't regret leaving when things were fixable, and with hindsight things have not been fixable for quite a while, but I tried to remain positive all the time. Next time I think I will be better able to recognise when I need to move on. And it wasn't all bad, we have done some amazing travel over the past 5 years.
:A Thanks for being on my side! You guys don't know how much it helped, when I thought I was going mad and overreacting, to have complete outsiders judge the situation and make me realise I was actually being quite reasonable. You have given me the extra bit of courage I needed to pick myself up and move on, and it feels great.:A

frannyann

I just read this thread, and wanted to say, you have done exactly the right thing and very good luck for the future
:grouphug:
Big hugs to you (looks pervy, not supposed to be be )