Real-life MMD: Party-pooping payment request - should I pay up?

tgroom57

For some MMDs a poll would suffice. Where the answer is clear cut, as in this one - a straight yes or no. Easier to see which way the answers are leaning, rather than having to read all the replies.

I wouldn't, and haven't. By charging for parties you are already excluding people.

Patjan

Our daughter has also received two separate invitations to similar birthdays, (i.e. not special theme park outings),and as other forumites have said, each would have ended up costing us between £30-40. In both cases, it was a case of "let's invite all the class" - very nice for the birthday boy/girl who receives loads of presents along with a nice meal in a restaurant or similar....all at the cost to the "guests"! We can't see why what has always been a traditional parental responsibility and expense, should now be transferred over to other parents. It's all very well saying "When it comes to your turn you can do the same thing", but all that does is establish a system which is basically missing the point. For our children, we have always tried to make their parties personal and individual, and as a result (perhaps) more meaningful to them.
In both of our instances above, we said "No" to the invitation, particularly because the invitations were not from 'friends' but rather from those in the same class/club. Anther parent who was equally unhappy about this trend, also said 'No'. If more parents did this, I think this trend would disappear; but sadly, the herd instinct tends to be rather strong!
We didn't feel our daughter was too deprived, as she receives other invitations of a more traditional nature, where we aren't expected to foot the food/drinks bill!

lutzi1

It's very simple, if they can't afford to have this expensive type of party, then they shouldn't be having it. They should be arranging something that falls within their budget, not morally blackmailing all the other parents into paying for it. That's just rude and ill-bred on so many levels.

As far as dealing with the situation goes, I wouldn't make a big issue of it with your child, you don't want them getting into a row about it at school. Just make sure you diplomatically have a prior engagement that day. You won't be the only parents doing this, I'm sure, and maybe enough do it they'll get the message (though I doubt it, they sound very thick skinned.)

FWIW, when my daughter was little we used to have traditional parties with games etc, as opposed to the MCcDonalds/ other venues fests and the other kids used to love them. They couldn't wait to come and we had to crowbar them out the door at the end of the evening.

Whatever you decide, good luck. This is their bad, not yours. :A

NRTurner

If the party is at somewhere like Alton Towers, then I may consider paying for it - taking a big group there is expensive. But if it's just a party at home, then no.

I'd suggest contacting the parents who invited, and say that your son or daughter would love to go but £25 is too much. You may be able to haggle it down, or get out of buying a present, especially if it's a close friend.

tain

If you 100% cannot afford it, then its a no-brainer.

The morally objective person in me wants to throw our toys out the pram, refuse my kid to go regardless of financial viability, and make it known to the parent that it's not acceptable to put me in a position where I either pay up or my child will be upset with me.

A serious question needs to be asked about how many of these 'parties' are going to be throw a year as well? One for every child in a class of 30?

HOWEVER. What I would actually do is... if it's a child that my son/daughter were genuinely friends with, I'd fork out with a bit of a moan, and then give them a pack of haribo for their accompanying present. I'd try and look at it as £25 spent on a really good day out for my child, rather than paying for someone else's party.

duchy

NRTurner wrote: »

If the party is at somewhere like Alton Towers, then I may consider paying for it - taking a big group there is expensive. But if it's just a party at home, then no.

I'd suggest contacting the parents who invited, and say that your son or daughter would love to go but £25 is too much. You may be able to haggle it down, or get out of buying a present, especially if it's a close friend.

Hmm
Just because the parents show a lack of class and manners -I'm not sure that makes the same kind of action in return acceptable. Think I'd prefer the moral high ground (and decline) to stooping to their level and making the party all about money.

uk2009

Depends on a lot of things doesnt it? Are the other kids close friends/neighbours? What are they getting for the £25? Is £25 really too much to pay in your circumstances? How much does your child want to go?

If you decline the offer I would however compensate your child with an extra treat, e.g cinema or something of their choice say up to a tenner.

Thats_me

Absolutly not. I am assuming that the party is going to cost the parents a lot of money (sorry, I haven't read every reply). If so that is not your problem,the parents should not be having an expensive party if they can't afford it. I think we all remember going to parties as children, you would take a VERY small present for the birthday child, play pass the parcel and musical chairs then go home with a small slice of cake!
Perhaps your child could send a birthday card along with the decline. You can then give your child a treat to make amends. Teach your child that hospitality should not cost your guests but the party giver. If you cannot afford to give a party, don't!

hardwoodbutcher

Depending on the age of the child there are several "life" messages to be taught here:
1) be aware that there are rip - off merchants in all walks of life
2) don't feel compelled to be a sheep and blindly follow the flock because it is the latest "fashion"
3) some people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
This thread brought back the memory when I was a child in the middle 1950's. It was his birthday, they were poor (Dad was killed in the War) but his Mum still managed to buy half a dozen "iced fancies". All the guests got half a cake each, without a murmur.
Years later, I found out that after the party many of the local Mothers quietly slipped the boy's Mother a bag of sugar or a tin of beans or a pack of butter or a bag of spuds or ..................

Elvisia

Rock up to the party with 2,500 pennies in a carrier bag?