Living with someone with possible OCD

Jox

What would happen if you ate off a plate, put it in the sink and didn't wash up, what would he do? Or if you didn't make the bed? If he wants things to be perfect he should do it all not you.

hollydays

dontknowwhattodo3 wrote: »

We got together under strange circumstances.. I was very insecure with my family, they weren't really treating me well, and being young and naieve I think I just fell for him because I was so desperate to be loved and accepted somewhere and I felt some security when we moved in together and ds was born, and a sense of belonging.

After a few weeks of dating he'd ring me/text me when drunk and he'd sometimes say really weird things that made alarm bells ring but at the same time, he told me he loved me...a lot has happened, he has a drink problem and I remember sleeping on the floor with DS about 2 weeks postpartum as he was so drunk he kicked me out of the bedroom.. At the same time he can be very loving, kind, generous, funny..and some of the worst behaviour has stopped.

I'm not sure I can kick him out, we live in a council property and I am not sure how it all works.

I can't see myself sticking at this for another 20yrs, I will never live my life if I do just stick at it and trying to improve something out of my control. I have tried supporting him, ignoring the behaviour and tantrums, fighting about it, nothing works. He is not interested in how it effects me and ds, its all about how it effects him and his life.

Yes he is worse when he is stressed... but he can just make himself stressed with all these things he has to do, he still hasnt found the book and has gone to bed angry and in a mood with me..as if I have hidden it.

He had a difficult childhood, he had lots of therapy over 10yrs but gave it up at the age of 18...his dad beat his mum, his mum was mentally ill... not easy and I do feel for him, but again, he is not willing to get help and try and uncover the trigger for this behaviour.

His dad is quite OCD also. I am not close with either of his parents and myself and his mum no longer talk for a number of reasons.

The OCD hasn't always been that bad, I was looking through photos of our old flat and we had chocolate wrappers on the coffee table, bank statements and paper work lying about... we could eat dinner at the table and he wouldnt cause a commotion. I have to eat off kitchen roll a lot so he doesnt need to stress about washing up. I want to just be able to eat off a plate.

I hope that answers all the questions, I guess I have tried almost everything I can, the ball is in his court

The ops getting together with her partner, when she was very vulnerable is a classic abuse scenario, I think she realises that herself now.
Abusers are confusers. One minute they are vile, then they are nice, it's no wonder the op is being ground down.

lindsaygalaxy

Reading your posts echoes so much in my past relationship. I think it is less OCD and more controlling behaviour. Like you my ex liked things his way - or no way was aceptable. I would hate him coming home incasethe dinner wasnt cooked/ house not clean enough/ things not put away correctly. One time my dd was poorly and was eating tomato soup and knocked it over. I panicked as I knew how her dad would react. That was a wake-up call for me and I realised I wasnt in a relationship, I was only there to be put down and controlled by him. Now out of it all I see the damage he did to me. Even now he tries to control everything, down to him naming the clothes from 'his' house. It worries me the effct it has on the children and I knowhe is controlling when they are there.

I should add it was like living with jekyl and hide - he could be loving and kind, to shouting, throwing things, being cruel another.

pearl123

He sounds violent, obsessive and mentally ill. I'm sure he can be quite nice as well. The problem is you are dealing with a very difficult man.
Firstly, you need to keep yourself safe. And he needs a some assistance from a mental health team.

I feel for you it's a very difficult situation. My boyfriend has ocd and I find myself on tender hooks when I'm around him at times, but luckily he lives in his own home now. We did use to live together.
Tell him point blank that you are old enough to cope with your handbag. I'd make a joke that if he wants a handbag you'd get him one!

paulineb_2

Sounds like he suffers from anxiety more than OCD. Im not sure it is OCD he suffers from. I think to have any kind of a normal life you at least have to separate until he gets some help, for your childs sake as well, you cant go on like this.

pearl123

He sounds like a is a control freak.

GoldenShadow

I have OCD. A large part of my OCD is taking control, but over things not people. He needs proper help and it is not justified for him to hide behind his actions using OCD as the reason.

He needs to want to seek help but it is not your job to force that upon him. You need to be happy and keep you and your son safe, that is paramount.

susiesoo_2

Reading all of these posts reminded me so much of my ex and the reasons I eventually left. Every sympathy with OP, but you seriously have to think about you and your little one. I stayed far too long with a man who behaved in that way: he was always right, his way was the right way, his opinion was the only one that mattered, wives had to behave in a certain way etc and even now, almost 3 years later, he still says he doesn't understand why I left because he was the perfect husband and dad. He just couldn't and still doesn't see how destructive his behaviour was.
Please get help, you shouldn't have to put yourself and your son through this. The longer your son is around him, the risk of him developing the same traits/behaviours will increase and the circle will continue.
Good luck and take care

dontknowwhattodo3

Thankyou so much for all your helpful/insightful replies.
I am going to try and speak to someone about it when hes at work as I need to sort out practicalities. I am just living a lie and he is never going to see what hes doing wrong so this can't just go on.
Thanks everyone.