Living with someone with possible OCD

no1catman

I believe OCDs, much like Phobias are controlled/generated by an exaggerated defence mechanism.
So, I wonder in trying to constantly arrange things in the way they 'should be' who's he trying to please? Or what memory, of being told off for not having as it 'should be' is he trying to appease?

? Who told him, or why does he believe that's the 'correct' way?

And, perhaps more importantly - what will happen it it's not the 'correct' way? I've heard that some people with OCD believe that if the right rituals are not followed misfortune will happen to other members of the household!

On a lighter note - OCD works, I've checked!

dontknowwhattodo3

We got together under strange circumstances.. I was very insecure with my family, they weren't really treating me well, and being young and naieve I think I just fell for him because I was so desperate to be loved and accepted somewhere and I felt some security when we moved in together and ds was born, and a sense of belonging.

After a few weeks of dating he'd ring me/text me when drunk and he'd sometimes say really weird things that made alarm bells ring but at the same time, he told me he loved me...a lot has happened, he has a drink problem and I remember sleeping on the floor with DS about 2 weeks postpartum as he was so drunk he kicked me out of the bedroom.. At the same time he can be very loving, kind, generous, funny..and some of the worst behaviour has stopped.

I'm not sure I can kick him out, we live in a council property and I am not sure how it all works.

I can't see myself sticking at this for another 20yrs, I will never live my life if I do just stick at it and trying to improve something out of my control. I have tried supporting him, ignoring the behaviour and tantrums, fighting about it, nothing works. He is not interested in how it effects me and ds, its all about how it effects him and his life.

Yes he is worse when he is stressed... but he can just make himself stressed with all these things he has to do, he still hasnt found the book and has gone to bed angry and in a mood with me..as if I have hidden it.

He had a difficult childhood, he had lots of therapy over 10yrs but gave it up at the age of 18...his dad beat his mum, his mum was mentally ill... not easy and I do feel for him, but again, he is not willing to get help and try and uncover the trigger for this behaviour.

His dad is quite OCD also. I am not close with either of his parents and myself and his mum no longer talk for a number of reasons.

The OCD hasn't always been that bad, I was looking through photos of our old flat and we had chocolate wrappers on the coffee table, bank statements and paper work lying about... we could eat dinner at the table and he wouldnt cause a commotion. I have to eat off kitchen roll a lot so he doesnt need to stress about washing up. I want to just be able to eat off a plate.

I hope that answers all the questions, I guess I have tried almost everything I can, the ball is in his court

hollydays

Oh my god Hun , this is an abusive relationship .
People with these organizing controlling issues will insist it's not them who are over zealous , but you who are under zealous with housework etc etc. And there's no arguing with them.believe me, I've been there, but forget the OCD type behaviour and look at HIS behaviour . He kicked you out of bed-HOW DARE HE, no way should you be putting up with this.

If you are walking on eggshells , unhappy , anxious , fearful, get away while you still can.
We women try to" help" but you can't change an abuser-go now.
Speak to womens aid.

Georgiegirl256

marisco wrote: »

I think you are already beginning to question whether your partner actually has OCD. Some of his personality traits are reminiscent of someone who has this condition. To be frank others that you have described, can quite simply be attributed to someone who is very controlling, domineering, aggressive and shows strong signs of having a screw loose. You cannot go on living this kind of existence OP and nor should your child be growing up in this kind of negative environment. My advice is to have a very frank and open discussion with your partner and make it abundantly clear to him how his approach towards yourself, your son and family life in general is affecting you. His response to all this will tell you all you need to know, about whether it is worth your while continuing in your relationship with him.

My thoughts exactly. Like you say, there are some signs of OCD (I recognise some as I suffer mildly from it), but there are also a lot more disturbing signs too.

Has he always been this way OP? Has it gradually got worse? Does he do anything that scares you? If that was me, from what you've described, I would be feeling more than a bit spooked out.

Vicky123

I wouldn't be so sure this is OCD, does he talk about it? Does he tell you about the compulsion? Why wouldn't he want to talk to the doctor? He sounds more like a controller than someone suffering from OCD, they rarely want to talk to a doctor as there's nothing wrong with them just a lot wrong with everyone else.
Either way I would insist he seeks help as whatever the problem, it's now spilling over to you and your son.
I think the doctor would take a lot more notice of him going for help than you, he/she is just seeing you in this stressed out state and can't diagnose someone in their absence.

poppycracker

check your tenancy agreement, see if you are joint tenants. If you dont have your agreement, go to the Council. I'd go and do it tomorrow - you cant stay in that house, the way you are talking, you've had enough and no wonder. You can't stay in this situation without risking your mental and possibly physical health, and that of your son.

If you are joint tenants, talk to the council about taking his name off, then you can legally make him leave. If he is sole tenant, get yourself on the emergency housing list.

meritaten

The 'its not me - its you', the 'putting you down', sounds to me as if you have a massive 'control freak' on your hands. in order for HIM to function he has to have total control of his surroundings and you.
This is NOT healthy and its taking its toll on you. could you not see a different GP? yours doesn't sound very helpful.
But - pills and potions for you wont help - your OH has a problem which is causing massive problems for you - and I really think you should think of leaving the situation. I don't say that lightly - but if OH will NOT take responsibility, see their GP and try to understand your point of view - then I think for your own sanity you should leave. You glossed over your own breakdown at work - but I think its highly significant.

Dimey

Oh no. Your second post is talking of abuse OP. That's dangerous.

You have to go see Womens Aid to get guidance. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010018&sectionTitle=Contact+Us
Scroll down to find your local centre.

Be careful what you say to your husband at present as you can't tell how he'll react. Get professional support and help to guide you through.

I don't think you realise; you shouldn't be suffering this situation. Nor should your son be endangered like this. His little mind shouldn't be seeing these things. Keep calm and tomorrow, go get help.
Big hugs. Good luck.

Hermia

marisco wrote: »

I think you are already beginning to question whether your partner actually has OCD. Some of his personality traits are reminiscent of someone who has this condition. To be frank others that you have described, can quite simply be attributed to someone who is very controlling, domineering, aggressive and shows strong signs of having a screw loose. You cannot go on living this kind of existence OP and nor should your child be growing up in this kind of negative environment. My advice is to have a very frank and open discussion with your partner and make it abundantly clear to him how his approach towards yourself, your son and family life in general is affecting you. His response to all this will tell you all you need to know, about whether it is worth your while continuing in your relationship with him.

I agree. I come from a large family that is plagued with OCD & have never encountered such controlling, abusive behaviour. I agree that a frank discussion as well as an ultimatum may be needed here. There is obviously an element of OCD in his behaviour. I have seen relatives respond really well to treatment so he should at least try to get some help for that.

ERICS_MUM

I don't want to be a scaremonger but his behaviour could very quickly escalate into physical abuse - violence against you and even your little boy. He needs investigating for any illnesses that might be affecting his mental health. You need to develop an "escape" plan.

Good luck, look after yourself and little man.