Living with someone with possible OCD

fluffnutter

Most people with OCD are probably self-aware enough to realise. When challenged they might not think that support is worth seeking, but equally I doubt they'd try to blame their partner for everything. The little rituals and routines tend to be quite private and hidden, partly because people sometimes find it shaming and partly because by its nature it's quite an isolating and secretive condition. People can actually live with OCD sufferers for years without even noticing. OP, your OH's behaviour is something different; it's abusive, whether or not it's owing to an underlying condition like OCD. No excuse for it really.

Do talk to your GP again, talk to your friends and family, talk to a domestic abuse charity like Women's Aid.

mellymoo74

OH has this, seroxat helped a lot.

He is waiting for some Behavioral therapy.

It does get better, you need to take the you out of it and remember its not your fault and its also not pleasant for them.

OH needs things to be in a specific order, has a temper tantrum if they are not. I now leave them to it let them have their hissy fit and remember its not my fault when they can think straight I get an apology.

Stress makes it worse so has anything set it off?

CH27

This is control & abuse masked by the OCD tag & it's very worrying.
Some of the things he is doing are completely unacceptable.

xcarlyx

I feel for you due to the fact I think a tidy house isn't like a home because its just like a show home.

ema_o

I can echo what others have said but also you need to be strong for your son.
Your OH is massively controlling and you are in a situation that is unlikely to get better on its own. Even if things do improve you will not know whether there will be a relapse and you will be back in the same situation.

If your OH would stop this behaviour would you want to be with him? If not you might as well get out now - speak to the council & find out what your housing options are. Also seek support in ways others have suggested.

It sounds like there is a chance for things to get better but only if he wants them to. Have a look at the things you have told us & decide what (if anything) is acceptable and what is unacceptable behaviour. For example I could live with OH rearranging the fridge (as long as he didn't tell me off whilst doing so) but not with him touching my handbag / make up bag. The looking for a book in a sleeping childs room is so far over the line it's unbelievable (although he's obviously made you feel like its your fault for losing the book).

Then discuss with him. The reason I say you need to be strong is he will probably try and distract you from his faults by talking about what you have done to make him behave like this (eg losing the book). Stick to your guns and know you are in the right and he is in the wrong. You will probably have to do this many times and it may not be worth it if you aren't really sure you would want to be with him. It does sound like he needs to get help dealing with his behaviour so that should be one of your conditions if he wants you to stay together.

sparklysaver

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering like this, OP. I have OCD and, like your OH, most of my rituals involve ordering things in certain ways, so that they're just "right". However, lots of what you say about him doesn't sound like anyone with OCD I've ever met in any of the numerous support groups I've been involved in. No-one I've met really believes that their rituals are logical or sensible -- doesn't stop us doing them though, and that's sometimes the worst bit about the whole thing. The ritual doesn't make me feel better, it usually makes me more distressed that I've "given in". The understanding that I'm affecting people around me upsets me terribly and I do everything I can to hide my rituals when I'm with people I love.

I'm not a big fan of internet diagnosis, but have you heard of OCPD? It shares many of the same symptoms as OCD but is quite a different condition. The key difference is that sufferers think they're RIGHT. They think that everyone who doesn't do things their way is unreasonable, and they can be very unpleasant about it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_personality_disorder

I hope you can keep yourself and your son safe, OP. Please make use of some of the resources other posters have suggested. x

lavalamp

dontknowwhattodo3 wrote: »

He had a difficult childhood, he had lots of therapy over 10yrs but gave it up at the age of 18...his dad beat his mum, his mum was mentally ill... not easy and I do feel for him, but again, he is not willing to get help and try and uncover the trigger for this behaviour.

His dad is quite OCD also. I am not close with either of his parents and myself and his mum no longer talk for a number of reasons.

This worries me greatly - I hope he's not going the same way his Dad did. His Dad had OCD and beat his Mum? I really think you need to talk to some professionals about this.

DigForVictory

Welcome to MSE - I am so glad you've found somewhere you feel safe to say all this.

I'm not going to judge, but ask you to read the first page of Tayforth's thread. See if anything she's written there rings a bell?

Your son sounds a complete honeybunch, and I really hope you and he can enjoy a happy, safe, future together.

unholyangel

It could be the lesser known OCPD. Sufferers of OCPD tend to view their way as the "correct" way, that the fault is with everyone else, not them and they tend to lean towards a perfectionist lifestyle. Where OCD sufferers tend to know their behaviour/thoughts are irrational.

mellymoo74

unholyangel wrote: »

It could be the lesser known OCPD. Sufferers of OCPD tend to view their way as the "correct" way, that the fault is with everyone else, not them and they tend to lean towards a perfectionist lifestyle. Where OCD sufferers tend to know their behaviour/thoughts are irrational.

Thank you, OH is this and it isnt abuse, seroxat have helped him try to understand it isnt the entire world its an issue with his brain chemistry