Sad

shellybelly_3

I will apologise right now for this thread. I just feel as if my life is going nowhere.

I am 25 years old age - i live with my boyfriend and our cat - i love them both with my wholeheart. I have suffered from depression for the last three years - well i have been diagonised for the last three years anyway.

but at the moment i just wish i could end it all, i don't have ANY friends, i smoke and desperately want to stop, i have put on so much weight over the last few months and don't know how to get rid of it - my bf and i hardly ever have sex, plus i think he he is seeing someone else.

please, please help me see a way out of this.....

Lozzle23

Firstly, I'd like to say that I really feel for you. My hubby cheated on me so I know the feeling. Without meaning to sound like I'm prying, do u actually have any concrete proof that ur bf is cheating? You sound like a lovely person as you obviously have a lot of love to give to people (and pets). With regards to the weight and smoking, you obviously want to do something about it and that may make you feel better.Feel free to pm me if u want a chat, Laura.

Tom_Saunders

If you don't or hardly ever have sex then their is something wrong. Sex is FUN and I'm hoping to get the call back to bed when Mrs S wakes up.

Good luck but if you have doubts they are probably true.

RichyRich

Shelly, I'm no expert on relationships, sorry, but my hugs be with you.

Re smoking, I stopped 8 months ago. It will make you feel so much better; maybe if you achieve that then you might achieve a more positive outlook? Can't do any harm can it?

I can highly recommend the book, The Nicotine Trick by Neil Casey. In fact, I'm becoming a bit of a mad fanatic; it's all I ever seem to talk about. It is such a good book - much better than Allen Carr and it should make it easier for you to stop.

I hope you feel a bit better soon, sorry I'm no good with this advice lark; I'm sure someone a lot better will come along in a minute (and lozzle's response was nice!)

RichyRich

Tom_Saunders wrote: »

If you don't or hardly ever have sex then their is something wrong. Sex is FUN and I'm hoping to get the call back to bed when Mrs S wakes up.

Good luck but if you have doubts they are probably true.

I don't know if it's a glitch with my browser but the "Thanks" button didn't show up on that post - I'd like to think it's because that's just about the most unconstructive thing you could have written. There are a myriad of reasons why they might not be having sex, maybe your boyfriend is tired or stressed, or has recently become self concious about his body (has he mentioned anyone saying anything in particular to him?) or might be suffering from loss of libido for any number of reasons.

I think it wise that you speak to him about it; it could be that he is worried about something too and if you talk you might be able to work it out together.

Tom_Saunders

well lets agree to disagree. This lady seems to be in a bad way and perhaps she needs to be told the truth, shock treatment.

Bottom line we all live our own lives, she's 25, depressedm no friends, over weights and needs to sort herself out. She wants in her words to "end it all". This needs drastic answers not a way to stop smoking.

She needs to join weight watchers, meet some friends with similar problems and grab the bull by the horns.

Anyone can say you a patch and then say her boyfriend probably isn't cheating.

Facts are if she feels so low about herself then he could well be. We are all responsible for ourself, I hope she takes my advice, loses some weights and hopefully finds someone she really loves not someone she has grown to rely on.

Furthermore 20 months ago on here she posted that she was getting married yet he is still her "boyfriend". This lady needs a focus and something to look forward to. I hope she gets it.

Cheers.

Soubrette

Hi Shelly

Depression is a pain in the bum illness to have but you have to manage it rather than spiral further into despair. Please go back to your Doctor and explain how you are feeling, ask if the surgery offers any alternative therapies to complement the medication (some people find counselling or cognitive therapy can be a great help).

As with all illness your symptoms can be managed and when the feelings start to get out of control you need to recognise when it starts and go back to your GP and explain what is happening (easier said than done, I know)

As to all the other stuff - take little steps - don't try and solve all your problems at once - have a cup of tea, decide what's bothering you the most and what your solution to it might be. For example - the weight? think about joining a dieting club (good idea from Tom Saunders), the smoking? phone quitline, see your GP or perhaps hop down the library (maybe not literally )and read up about it. Your relationship? Make a nice meal for your boyfriend and discuss how you feel. See lots of small things to do and I'll bet you have some good ideas too - pick one and see how it goes.

And most importantly of all - keep talking to us We're all listening

!!!!!!!!{hugs}}}}}

You've reminded me - I need to get back on track with trying to lose weight - been doing rubbish recently and put back on a whole stone :mad: so maybe I'll just aim for a pound a week again

Sou

Soubrette

And just in case you didn't know - there is whole self help thread for anyone who suffers from depression.

Depression Thread II

You aren't alone

Sou

sonee2405

Hi shellybelly-I really hope you feel happier in life soon but that can only happen if you try aswell.I can understand how it feels to be depressed as a few years ago i suffered from it aswell for a short while.Don't worry!Im the same age as you- your 25 with your whole life ahead of you take advantage of these years-you have to love yourself first, respect yourself and be positive that way you can love your life and others aswell.
You say you have a boyfriend and a cat-thats a family, your b/f must love you to be with you do you talk to him about how you feel, why do you think he is cheating on you?Depression can make people a little selfish maybe he is feeling neglected or just does not know what to say incase he upsets you.Are you both actually talking to each other about how you feel.
Have you talked to your gp recently?From your post it is obvious you want to change things and that is a step in the right direction.
You say you want to stop smoking and lose weight why not combine the two and give yourself a target by first cutting down slowly on the smoking and changing your diet -you should see results if you push yourself and stick to it.
You want to make friends-would that make you happier, are you close to family?Do you not go out with b/f , maybe go for walks or join a gym meet people and have the confidence to just smile and just be yourself.
you say you think he is cheating and you never have sex, would having the sex still put doubts in your mind about you boyfriend?You need to talk to your boyfriend about your realtionship in general not just the sex-Are you both just stuck together as habit or do you think you have a future together.Have you shown him that you love him and vice versa.Talking to each other is the best way.You have to change to see change, being diagnosed with depression does not mean that you have to be stuck in the depression bubble forever.I am sure you could help yourself if you tried and if you are determined to achieve results! good luck

1ANGEL

shellybelly wrote: »

I will apologise right now for this thread. I just feel as if my life is going nowhere.

I am 25 years old age - i live with my boyfriend and our cat - i love them both with my wholeheart. I have suffered from depression for the last three years - well i have been diagonised for the last three years anyway.

but at the moment i just wish i could end it all, i don't have ANY friends, i smoke and desperately want to stop, i have put on so much weight over the last few months and don't know how to get rid of it - my bf and i hardly ever have sex, plus i think he he is seeing someone else.

please, please help me see a way out of this.....

Heres another big hug for you! Please try & talk to someone your doctor should be able to help you-you may need someone to help with your depression?
Do you have a career? Maybe you need a change of direction there.Do you know one tiny step out of your comfort zone can be very scary, but brings about great & wonderful opportunities into your life!
You are 25 its a wonderful age to be & you should be able to enjoy all the things life has to offer you-but only if you can allow it to.
One of the very best things to help with depression is excercise, join in a local gym if you can(then you can meet people-but I know it can be very daunting if you dont feel comfortable in yourself)Or just put on a pair of good walking shoes tell your boyfriend you are both going for a walk round the local park together! It'll give you chance to talk & try sort out any problems you may have.
Any little bit of excercise you do even walking round the park, will get fresh air & energy into your life.
Do take each day one at a time-remember 'Today is the First day of the Rest of Your Life' Keep talking a lot of friends on here want to help you!
Oh & why dont you give yourself a new uplifting name on here why is it Shellybelly? As long as we know its still you Shelly! Much love :A

scoobysue_4

shellybelly wrote: »

I will apologise right now for this thread. I just feel as if my life is going nowhere.

I am 25 years old age - i live with my boyfriend and our cat - i love them both with my wholeheart. I have suffered from depression for the last three years - well i have been diagonised for the last three years anyway.

but at the moment i just wish i could end it all, i don't have ANY friends, i smoke and desperately want to stop, i have put on so much weight over the last few months and don't know how to get rid of it - my bf and i hardly ever have sex, plus i think he he is seeing someone else.

please, please help me see a way out of this.....

hi shelley, there have been lots of really good replies to your post and it never ceases to amaze me how many lovely supportive people there are on these boards.Y ou have made a big step in recognising your despair and the decision to post and ask advice isnt easy to do i know but you have done it.Its ben suggested that you deal with one issue at a time, i know thats not at all easy when your so low but it really is the only way. I can only tell you what i do, i get two peices of A4 paper and list all what i consider to be the negative
issues regarding my life/situation and on the other i list all the positives, this helps to balance things somewhat and you can instantaniously see that you have good points about yourself and your situation, keep looking at these and adding to them if you want every time you have a good moment or a bad moment, it really can work wonders but this system alone will not be enough to help you overcome your depression.You must consult with your G.p and be totally honest and open with him/her and he/she will deal with what they consider to be the most priority at the time, which will be to lift your mood, im not one to automatically say anti-depressants but i know they really can be a lifesaver for people and sometimes there is no option,if you are worried about further weight gain regards this medication inform your doctor as prozac does not cause weight gain.Someone else suggested cognitive counselling therapy and your G.P might well suggest this, please dont disregard the idea, it works brilliantly for most people, it might take some time but you would benefit greatly. Try to be kind to yourself, you cant cope with everything else ging on until you begin to have a clearer understanding of how your thinking. Go back to the positive list of A4 paper and keep reading/adding to it, also, use the 5 minute rule, whenever you get an urge to gorge/smoke/think so badly of yourself, sit down and say to yourself that you wont do any of those things for 5 minutes, if you manage the 5 minutes and the thoughts come back again, so the same again, its a coping strategy and can work well, but accept (with the smoking especially) that sooner or later you will give in and have one but the 5 minute rule is about having some control over the way we are thinking/feeling. Make an appointment ASAP to see your G.P tomorrow, write everything down to show him/her if you are worried that you wont be able to tell them everything. Sorry this has been such a long post, im dreadful at trying to keep things brief. Good luck. Try to stay strong and when you can be remember to be kind to yourself.