Hubby has left-can he come and go as he pleases?

Narla

My husband of 26 years decided he wanted to leave me a few weeks ago. He promised it had nothing to do with another woman but he just wanted 'to be on his own'. We discussed how we could be good friends etc and how our split could be very amicable but as soon as he left I discovered that he was in a relationship with a woman from the gym. I had seen them flirting with each other over the last year but believed him that it had nothing to do with her! Stupid me!
Our house (in joint names) is now up for sale and he has moved out into a rented flat.
He is now saying that we should have a rule that no men should come to this house and that if I start a relationship it needs to be away from the home! That is the last thing on my mind at the moment but how bloody dare he!
He is not going to contribute to the mortgage because he has his rent to pay - is this acceptable?
I cannot believe how much solicitors advice costs so am trying to find out what I can in advance of seeing one!
I wanted him to pay half of our life insurance policy, half of the house insurance, the difference in the council tax and water rates and half the contribution to our daughter who is at Uni approx £100 a month.

Should he still have a key and be entitled to come and go as he pleases? Can he dictate who comes into this house?

I would appreciate any advice thank you x

Tigsteroonie

My advice is thatyou should check out the Wikivorce website Lots of information about separation, divorce, financial proceedings, etc; and a lively and informative forum

elsien

He can't dictate who you have visiting you and when.
If the house is in his name as well as yours, he does have the right to have a key and come and go within reason. Unless you are able to prove that he is a threat to you when you may have grounds to take action to stop him. You do need a degree of proof for this as it's not unheard of for people to make up stories about supposedly abusive partners just to make life easy for themselves.

Who pays what depends on a number of factors, including what you both earn, but him keeping paying half of everything probably isn't realistic. There's also things like splitting of pensions to take into account, as well as haggling over the house, you probably are going to need legal advice, probably sooner rather than later.
Have you considered the free half hours advice that some solicitors do, as a starting point?

meritaten

well if his name is on the mortgage/deeds then he does have the right to enter his own house.

I don't think he can dictate the 'terms' of YOUR life though! he cant dictate who you can and cant SEE! bluddy cheek!

he still has to pay his half of the mortgage if you have a joint mortgage - if its under his name alone then I believe (though I could be wrong) that he is liable for the full amount. this where you need specialist advice - if you don't know who is liable to pay the mortgage phone the mortgage company. (my name is down as joint owner - but my OH is sole payee on the mortgage).
I think this is where you need a solicitor - he seems to be trying to dictate terms and this is a 'slippery slope'. you may be just trying to be reasonable and it can work against you in future. it sounds awful, but see a solicitor yourself ASAP - they do understand that you don't always have the funds on hand, and most do a first consultation 'free'. then they will work out a payment plan.

Yorkie1

meritaten wrote: »

well if his name is on the mortgage/deeds then he does have the right to enter his own house.

I don't think he can dictate the 'terms' of YOUR life though! he cant dictate who you can and cant SEE! bluddy cheek!

he still has to pay his half of the mortgage if you have a joint mortgage - if its under his name alone then I believe (though I could be wrong) that he is liable for the full amount. this where you need specialist advice - if you don't know who is liable to pay the mortgage phone the mortgage company. (my name is down as joint owner - but my OH is sole payee on the mortgage).
I think this is where you need a solicitor - he seems to be trying to dictate terms and this is a 'slippery slope'. you may be just trying to be reasonable and it can work against you in future. it sounds awful, but see a solicitor yourself ASAP - they do understand that you don't always have the funds on hand, and most do a first consultation 'free'. then they will work out a payment plan.

As OP says that the house is in joint names, the mortgage will also be in joint names.

Therefore each of them is individually liable for the whole mortgage. Morally he shouldn't stop paying half of the mortgage, but if he does stop then the OP will need to continue paying the whole amount or else there will be an impact on each of their credit records from the reduced- / non-payment to the lender. There is no such thing as 'half' each of the mortgage, legally.

As others have said, in the absence of a court order he has every right to retain a key and enter the house, but absolutely no right to dictate who the OP has there as a friend / visitor / anything else.

marisco_2

I cant really add to the great advice already given to you, but didn't want to read and run though. Sorry to hear of all you are going through. I hope you have the support of family and friends at this difficult time.

timbo58

The council will be the only beneficiaries of the council tax change as you'll be paying 75% each with single person discount i.e. 150% as each single only gets a 25% discount for each individual household.

Fair to ask him for 1/2 the mortgage, half the life insurance and half the house insurance though but as others have said: probably legally unenforceable.

Water rates -no, separate household, always amazed when people still have non water meter: have you checked whether it's cheaper?
My WM is 25% of the rates, I know which I'd rather have!

Contribution to adult children -no, however he may well wish to keep a good relationship with children so he may choose to do that anyway.

FBaby

legally, he can have a key and come in and out as he wishes. Legally, you can change the locks.... Legally, you can have who you want in the house...even if you were not separated....

fluffnutter

Yorkie1 wrote: »

As OP says that the house is in joint names, the mortgage will also be in joint names.

This isn't true. You can be on the deeds of a property without being on the mortgage. Very common in marriages. You can own a home without being financially liable for a loan secured against that property. I'm not saying that that's the case here but it's worth clarifying.

kazwookie

OP, tell him to get stuffed! big time, you can have who you want in the house, should you so wish, he is the one who went off.

Regards the rest of it over who pays what, get legal advise and quick.

Make sure before any paperwork 'vanishes' you get copies of account names and numbers etc, for bank, elect, gas, council, insurance, etc etc. and keep the copies very safe.

Re:- Daughter at uni, I suggest she gets a job, and the £100 may not be forth coming, / and / or you may not be able to afford it, if you have to pay everything.

jetplane

So he wants his cake with icing on it? He moves out and therefore is allowed a relationship, you stay in the house so are not. He decides not to pay towards the mortgage or insurance but will benefit from any equity. He wants to come and go allowing you no privacy while he has his own private life? What exactly does he plan to do if you have a male friend at your home? What a plonker.

You could play him at his own game and tell him you are moving out into rented property and are absolving all responsibility of the mortgage, bills and insurance!

I would change your locks asap, I don't think you can expect him to pay your household bills such as council tax and insurance but I would nip over to the wikivorce website for some informed advice.

Its not easy to stand up to someone when you're hurt and in shock so gather all the support you can and good luck.