Bored with my life - its time to change things!

Errata

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

oh dear, its turning into a 'bash my hubby' thread when hes done nothing wrong other than be a bit boring.

Have you considered you might also be a bit boring? He may watch telly non-stop, but what do you do?

Tiddlywinks

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

The only thing he wants to do apart from watch tv is go for a walk. Really? We cant find anything to talk about in a restaurant with a couple of drinks. How awkward would an hour long walk be?

You'd be surprised... it's a lot easier to talk when out and about than when you're sitting opposite each other with nothing but the food in between you.

I love having a walk on a dark evening... it always amazes me how many neighbours don't close their curtains but have their lights on... so I can have a really good nose without really being too obvious :rotfl:.

Seriously, you say you love him... you just need to find a way to make life together work whilst getting some personal time for your own interests.

Have you thought about joining any clubs? Could your OH join any clubs - photography, local conservation (where they go out and about and clean up river banks etc) or whatever takes his fancy. Just suggest that you fancy joining something that he won't want to come along to and then suggest he join something else.

You say your OH would like to work with children. Are there any volunteering roles he could go for in the evenings or at the weekend to test the water?

Adding outside interests will give you something else to talk about as well.

Have you thought about joining the National Trust? They are great when you can't think of anything else to do... even on a rainy day.

Hundreds of interesting places to visit, chance of a bit of culture followed by tea and cake or a picnic... I'm a big fan.

Best wishes

dandelionclock30

Dunroamin wrote: »

Learning to dance and play a musical instrument don't need to involve a partner and wanting to do them doesn't need to lead to divorce!

Yeah I know that, I was thinking for her to do those and to do other things with her husband. I meant if he wasnt prepared to do anything with her at all. Sorry if I wasnt clear.

balletshoes

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

I hope this is an appropriate forum for this thread but mods, feel free to move me!

Im at a stage in my life where Im bored stiff with the routine, the budgeting, the working too hard etc. Im 44, married with two almost grown up kids (21 and 16 and both still at home). I thought when the kids became a lot more independent, me and hubby could get our lives back and we have to some extent. We're just back from a long city break weekend, just the two of us. And Ive discovered that without the kids, we've got nothing to say to each other. We sat in silence most of the time and im normally a right chatterbox! I just feel quite sad about it.

I want to explore new experiences, I have a ton of interests but sadly hubby doesnt. All he does is watch tv. And work. I love him but i just feel like this will be what the rest of my life will be like if I dont do something now while im young enough to enjoy it. And whats worse is that i want to do it by myself and not with hubby. I want to learn to play a musical instrument, i want to go to dance classes but not with him. Because he wouldnt want to for a start. The only thing he wants to do apart from watch tv is go for a walk. Really? We cant find anything to talk about in a restaurant with a couple of drinks. How awkward would an hour long walk be?

Do I sound selfish? Am i too late to start learning to dance at my age? Has my marriage run its course or does every couple go through this after 19 years together? I wish i was one of those well put together grownups who know exactly where they're going!

i'd say theres absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing activities on your own, without your husband. It doesnt mean you don't love him and don't want to be with him anymore, it just means you want more for you. Who knows, it might be the spark to re-ignite your whole relationship and he might appreciate the new energised you a lot more into the bargain .

I say totally go for it - my husband and I have never lived in each other's pockets (sometimes we don't even live in the same country as each other ) and having our own interests helps keep us sane!

thehappybutterfly

Errata wrote: »

Have you considered you might also be a bit boring? He may watch telly non-stop, but what do you do?

I was just thinking exactly that! He might be sitting thinking "all she does is read and go on that bloody MSE forum"!! Another very good point.

Voyager2002

OK, he likes the idea of going for a walk together. That would be a good start: apart from anything else, even that limited amount of exercise could help lift mild depression and restore some energy and enthusiasm for life.

You do need to plan something to talk about while walking. Either plan an outing around a walk with interesting things to see and comment on, or agree in advance that he will tell you what happened on his favourite TV programmes during the previous week; or you will use it to tell him about your new dancing lessons, or ...

FBaby

Could a lot of the issue be the consequences of dealing with debts? It's not easy to have a life when you are so limited financially. Could it be that your husband is more accepting of it than you are? You mention that all he does is to walk, which is free. Could it be that he wishes he could do many more things, but all his interests would involve some money and he is realistic that you don't have it for the time being?

Life when you have to repay debts IS boring, and is even more of a shock if the debts was accumulated through having a previous lifestyle over budget. Not saying that was the case, but didn't see the debts issue being mentioned before, so wondered if it could be contributing to how you feel.

CH27

If you plan things is your OH happy to do them?

warehouse

You sound like me and my wife, but swapped. I'm into everything, she's into Eastenders! If we were to go to a restaurant we'd run out of conversation in 10 minutes.

However, when we walk we can talk for hours. Try walking somewhere interesting rather than round the block.

Errata

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

I was just thinking exactly that! He might be sitting thinking "all she does is read and go on that bloody MSE forum"!! Another very good point.

If you were doing that and you were 74, not 44, you'd be classed as socially isolated!