Bored with my life - its time to change things!

thehappybutterfly

Errata wrote: »

He goes out with his mates once a year and you do it six times a year? No wonder you're both bored.

Hah, I'd go out every couple of weeks but then I'd feel guilty. A lot its to do with money too. Although my girly weekends are based around Groupon deals. I had a 12 hour day with my chums, one activity, two meals and a load of cocktails and only spent £40. My hubby would spend twice that on booze alone with his mates as its round for round.

thehappybutterfly

we both work 37 hours in normal 8-4 and 9-5 jobs. My job can be stressful at times. Hubby's is more physical i guess in that it involves a lot of walking. Thats the other thing, he hates his job but wont look for anything else. He would like to work with children but hes not qualified. I suggested he goes to nightclasses and we'd find the money but he doesnt want to.

thehappybutterfly

oh dear, its turning into a 'bash my hubby' thread when hes done nothing wrong other than be a bit boring.

dandelionclock30

Just do the things you want to do and sit down with him and talk about wanting to do things together. Theres loads you can do that doesnt costs loads of money.
You only live once and you dont want to be sat in the house all your life.If you want to do a few things per week then go for it. Dancing classes and learning an instrument dont cost the earth.
If he doesnt want to do anything with you then frankly you may need to think about moving on. Good Luck with it all and get yourself out.

Laurajo_2

I don't think you sound selfish at all, and I do think this is something a lot of couples go through, particularly where there have always been kids involved.

If neither of you are really doing anything, it can be hard to make conversation flow - afterall, what's there to say? I know it's not the same thing, but when me and my now husband were saving for our wedding, we didn't have money for going out (either separately or individually) and there were times were I felt that we didn't have much to say to each other...because we were spending 'too much' time together.

I think going to dancing lessons sounds like a fab idea - don't feel guilty about not including your husband, now is the time to start indulging in the things you want to do and I suspect this will give you more confidence to think about or make suggestions of things that you can do with your husband.

How about his suggestion of going for a walk? I think avoiding things because you are worried that you will run out of things to say may be a bad idea - sometimes it's nice just to enjoy the companionship without actually speaking and I wonder if conversation might flow more easier if you are more relaxed and not worrying about whether or not the conversation is flowing, if you know what I mean...you could always borrow a dog to take with you, which can be a good ice breaker, so to speak.

But do have a chat with your husband. I suspect the children getting older may have had a larger impact on your perception than it has on his - you're ready to take on a new challenge whereas he's not in that mindset. Is there anything he WOULD like to take up? It's not necessarily something you to can do together, but something that he can do outside of the family?

Good luck Hun xx

duchy

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Yes, i just dont know whether im generally bored with life because i have more time to myself or just bored with my marriage. We do nothing at the weekends. I go to work on mondays and dread the Question "so, what did you get up to at the weekend?". Absolutely nothing as usual. Everyone else seems to have done something exciting. Except me

Sounds like you have nothing to say to each other because NEITHER of you do anything. You've both got used to the focus of your lives been the kids ......

I think you should have a talk about what you both want to do now there's more time (and probably more money) available. Talk about things you've both wanted to do (either apart or together) -even just talking about that will spark conversation.

I don't believe couples should do everything together and I've observed couples adjusting from the Mum and Dad stage to pleasing themselves-It takes time as it's a big adjustment-most couples I know with grown kids have interests apart -and some they do together or combine the activities that have elements that appeal to both.

Dunroamin

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Just do the things you want to do and sit down with him and talk about wanting to do things together. Theres loads you can do that doesnt costs loads of money.
You only live once and you dont want to be sat in the house all your life.If you want to do a few things per week then go for it. Dancing classes and learning an instrument dont cost the earth.
If he doesnt want to do anything with you then frankly you may need to think about moving on. Good Luck with it all and get yourself out.

Learning to dance and play a musical instrument don't need to involve a partner and wanting to do them doesn't need to lead to divorce!

marisco_2

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

oh dear, its turning into a 'bash my hubby' thread when hes done nothing wrong other than be a bit boring.

I think you are being harsh on yourself. You aren't bashing your husband just explaining to us the dynamics of your relationship and things that concern you about him. These issues clearly affect the day to day of your lives and without knowing about those no-one here can advise you well. Is it possible that your husband could be suffering from depression, and that this is causing his apparent lacklustre for life and the way his closeness to you is suffocating you?

Lokolo

Dunroamin wrote: »

Learning to dance and play a musical instrument don't need to involve a partner and wanting to do them doesn't need to lead to divorce!

Unless its playing the drums at 3am every morning.... :cool:

Dunroamin

Lokolo wrote: »

Unless its playing the drums at 3am every morning.... :cool:

That'll do it every time!