Serious choices to make - my journey

Katzen

Hi lulabelle. My friend has just moved from law to be a company secretary. She says the pay is comparable but its 9-5 and obviously no court work involved. I'd never heard of the role and imagined a lady who takes notes and answers phones but apparently its nothing like that at all!

Katzen

When I say pay is comparable, she is about 3yrs qualified in a magic circle firm. I have no idea if that would be comparable for where you work/what you do!

lulabelle

Thanks katzen. Ill look into that!

So, bumped into the idiot last night (he was in same restaurant as me) and he came over to say hi. Then I got a text saying "good seeing you this evening. I hope you're having a good night" so I responded with "yes I am. I hope you are too". Damn I wish I'd been with a hot boy when he saw me!!!!!

Spent a fortune last night

I think if I could do it all again I'd become a psychologist but it takes a long time.

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello Lulabelle,

I thought long and hard about your thread, I have read your diary before I think?

I have also thought long and hard about replying. I thought about what I would say to my 35 yr old self.

I would say go. Do it. You know your current life isn't fulfilling and whilst there are no guarantees you could be postponing happiness.

The other thing I need to say, which I don't like saying at all is that time does run out. Opportunities to met someone biological clocks, age, , retrain, friendships, money, it all impacts on our choices. And I am afraid for women it can become very limiting.

For me I am becoming very much aware that it may well be too late for many of the things I wanted. I have made mistakes, dithered over decisions, waited too long for a man, a job, a friendship, something else to come along.

I now concentrate my energies on sorting out my future in terms of having a good friendship group, a job I enjoy and enough money to provide for pensions/responsibilities (so exciting) and travel when possible, ensuring my security and looking after myself even tho the reality is I would love to be with someone.

It that hasn't happened and more than likely won't. Yes I know it could happen at any moment (looks hopefully out of the window for a random man!) but as a teacher I see so often women in the 40s/50s who are single and have great happy lives but no partners, there simply aren't enough men in teaching and it is one of those all consuming jobs that means it is your life or can be (it isn't for me at the moment but has been) so you don't meet men through it. I need to find another kind of happiness and I will.

I am watching the Ross and Rachel thing on Friends. the whole phone call/airplane thing. Brilliant Still makes me laugh and cry!

why didn't they get real babies in that last scene!!

Any how my point cos there was one, is if you know you aren't happy there then you do make the move, time is short. it is later than you think and it almost doesn't matter where you go just that you do it, to give opportunities the chance to show up.

Even tho I know my life is better and will be good I do wish I had taken my own advice.

Hope it's ok that I posted.

xxx

lulabelle

Hey Buffy

Thanks so much for that post. Think it is probably giving me the impetus I need to make the change. I just know I have to get off this rock. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend of mine who I grew up with so have known since I was 1. She also moved offshore around 7 years ago and is having the same dilemma as me. She also thinks I should go.

I def can't do anything until I've sold my place here as I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage if I was unable to rent it out so I think I need to get it all sorted and on the market.

It's so scary thinking of leaving my friends behind but given that there are 2 fundamentals I am very unhappy about (work and lack of men here) I think that I need to take that step as I am sure I can make friends elsewhere.

I'm also re-reading he's just not that into you to remind myself why mr heartbreak is not into me and is just not worth it!

lulabelle

Right, so I need to get a proper grip. Not sleeping because I'm stupidity thinking about mr heartbreak but this then impacts on everything I do. As it stopped me getting up to do a workout this morning when I need to as I've put loads of weight on recently which is impacting on my self esteem.

Today I'm going to:

-chase up agents re o/s applications
-get appointment with gardener to sort garden to put house on market
-apart from the essentials I need from boots (shampoo etc) have a NSD towards new life

Mara_uk7

Release him lulubelle, He is not worth the salt in your tears , as some old country song said . You deserve so much better. Looks like its time to close down this chapter in your life and move on, in so many ways.

Life is not a dress rehearsal, This is the real deal. Take a week off, Step back , take time to put things in perspective ..... then go with your gut instinct. Good Luck Hun

serafina685

Hi Lulabelle,

I've subscribed to your diary - I really relate to where you are at the moment!

I too am in a really good job but I just find it completely soul destroying. This can't be the way I pay my rent and bills it really can't.

I often feel like I'm being unrealistic - I have a good job which is more than a lot of people do and I should feel lucky. But I truly believe my job is a huge reason for my depression and in turn my bad spending habits.

Good luck and I will keep following your journey

Serafina xoxo

lulabelle

Serafina, what do you want to do more than anything?

I've made a final decision today and that is to move to Bristol but to stick with the law at the moment whilst doing an online conversion course in psychology. That way, I keep my financial security but change those aspects of my life I don't like (court work and living on an insular rock) whilst still following my passion which will allow me to work out if psychology really is where my heart is without being too drastic.

So, the idea now is to save save save, work on getting a good job in Bristol and get my house sold then hand in notice!

Buffythedebtslayer

lulabelle wrote: »

Serafina, what do you want to do more than anything?

I've made a final decision today and that is to move to Bristol but to stick with the law at the moment whilst doing an online conversion course in psychology. That way, I keep my financial security but change those aspects of my life I don't like (court work and living on an insular rock) whilst still following my passion which will allow me to work out if psychology really is where my heart is without being too drastic.

So, the idea now is to save save save, work on getting a good job in Bristol and get my house sold then hand in notice!

sounds like a good plan

and remember - really you want to be a writer XX