Serious choices to make - my journey

lulabelle

Right, so have decided to start a new thread to try to work out what I want to do and make a plan!

So, I'm a lawyer and live offshore. You could say I'm pretty successful as have pretty much (apart from one final step) made it to the top of my game career wise. One small problem: I hate what I do. I don't mind so much the "lawyering" in the office (I.e. writing correspondence and giving opinions) but I hate appearing in court. Problem is: if I stay where I am it really is THE only way to progress and its expected of me.

For a while, whilst I was unhappy at work, I was happy living where I do generally. But I'd say for the last 12-18 months I've even been questioning that. I have great friends but those friendships are changing as they are all starting to settle down and have families. Meanwhile, I am 35 and single which is a problem in itself and another reason I possibly want to leave.

It's not I NEED a man but I would like to settle down and have a family at some point. I'm currently possibly investigating moving back to London and also possibly a career change.

If I stick with what I'm doing then my lifestyle won't change that much (I.e. I'll still be a,e to live in a nice area and go out and have holidays etc). Problem is: the only type of law I rally enjoy doing is in the decline and am worried about its long term future, have also spoken to contacts in the market about that type of law and they are also concerned. Then there's a concern generally about law as loads of firms have gone bust meaning there's loads of lawyers on the market. Whilst my cv is impressive objectively I've been out of the uk market for over 9 years so its hard to get back in

Am thinking of a complete career change and joining a graduate scheme as I fully believe in learning the trade from the bottom up. Only issue is I'd be on a salary which would barely allow me to live. Luckily I've a flat in tooting so could live in that but if I didn't drop my mortgage repayments to interest only then it would be very very tight and I don't really want to rent a room out as am 35 and used to living by self. That said, the above would only be for 18 months, which isn't a particularly long time

Added to that, coming back to London would allow me to possibly meet someone (on the basis of a pure numbers game) but its a scary decision to leave a place where I have a nice house and great friends and financial security

So, have started this in case anyone has any helpful thoughts and to try at least to keep myself motivated as don't want to get to 40 and wish I'd moved

So, as a start I have:

-applied for a job in London in law doing the type of law I like - waiting to hear
- attending an insight day for a graduate scheme I am interested in - have also organised via contacts introductions to 2 people in the same industry
- have had house here valued
- have made a decision now have got holidays out of way to live a frugal lifestyle as far as possible and to save up as much as possible (the grad schemes prob won't start until sept so have time to save a fair amount)
- am going to try to get self fit and healthy so in best possible frame of mind to make these important decisions
- when am over in London for insight day will visit tooting and see what it's like now as not been there in 5 years

kissjenn

Hi Lula,

I just wanted to say hi and let you know how much I admire your courage and spirit. I'm completely with you and would far rather try and fail at something then spend the rest of my days wondering "What if...".

You're only 35 and well qualified in your field, which if push came to shove would open up doors in numerous others areas of employment if required - long winded way to you're smart and won't ever go hungry. This is the perfect time to try out something new. Research over the past few years has suggested we'll all have 3 major careers over our lifetime now so I say why not try career 2 on for size.

Your greatest strength in a Graduate scheme is the fact it's a graduate scheme. You know what's expected to succeed, you know how to build networks and you're a grown up. You therefore have the potential to dazzle in a sky of stars.

And as for love, it's got a strange habit of turning up when you least expect it. By being honest with yourself that you want to try something new you've shown yourself to be a brave, dynamic and enterprising lady - any sane man is bound to find that attractive.

Go you.

lulabelle

Thanks jenn! That's so kind of you to say and has given me a real boost! I'm looking up and writing down positivity quotes at the moment because this is a tough decision to make but I just feel if I carry on how I am I will fester and time will pass and it will be much much harder to start again

Update re spending- not too good! Went to shops to get basics and ended up spending about 26 so am annoyed with self. Plus side is not going out tonight nor all of next week

Have a lunch for friends birthday weds but I may eat at work and just go along for coffee so that will only be about £3 as if I'm going to start again and take a massive cut I need to get saving every penny!

kissjenn

One of the best bits of advice I got was to surround yourself with people who would support and challenge you not naysayers who'll point out a million reasons why not.

A lot of people will always try to hold you back through fear or jealousy. If people aren't going to practically help you or at the very least be part of your cheerleading team them it's time to either extricate yourself from them or put them in a sound-proof box (family springs to mind here) and just nod politely whilst doing your own thing.

The amount of change you're talking about is breathtaking; new country, new sector, new career, new workmates, new friends et al. It would paralyse most people and so they'll try to talk you out of it initially to protect you but then to maintain the status quo that they're comfortable with.

This is your life and you sound up for the big adventure. Who knows what'll happen but that's the exciting part.

lulabelle

You are totally right and most of my friends (mainly lawyers) have been very negative so far and saying things like ill be competing with much younger and brighter people who are more hungry for it. My answer to that was I've the benefit of 12 years experience in a tough industry and have made it to the top once so no reason why I can't do it again

One of my friends has said however good on me. He hates being a lawyer too but has got used to the salary and is too scared to do anything else

I just want off this rock too. Yes it's beautiful, yes it's safe but it's also full of narrow minded people and things to do are limited. Plus whilst I see my friends a lot now and do lots with them, that's already changing because they are starting families

I'm excited at the prospect of being part of a large organisation with sociable fun people and a city with loads to do. I'll prob have to join spice or something to make some new friends though

Emmala

I think that if deep down you know you're not happy in your chosen job then if you can afford to make the change you should go for it! Not take the decision lightly, obviously, but think how many more working years you have to go, can you really cope with being a lawyer for that long (even if the money is good??!)

Do your research, don't rush into anything and don't worry about what friends think, it's your decision after all and in many ways being single means that you can really decide what is right for you and not have the pressure of dependents to sway you.

Good luck xxx

lulabelle

Thanks MM and yes, I've another 25-30 years of a working life and don't want to regret having stuck at something I'm fundamentally unhappy with. I guess no-one can take my legal qualifications away from me so I can always go back if it doesn't work out and it's only 18 months of it being tight. Heck, I may even take in a bar job in the evening (although I suspect this may not be possible as I think new scheme has exams too)

lulabelle

Ok, so today has been fairly good on the old MSE front:

-didn't leave house because weather awful this morning then couldn't be bothered this pm
-batch cooked loads this pm so have got healthy meals in freezer
- kept heating off by wearing pjs and dressing gown

lulabelle

Arghhhh, so now I've thrown Bristol as a place to live into the mix! Sticking with law initially but who knows eventually! My other big thought is to just sell up and spend a year doing random jobs to see whether I can find a passion. This is so hard

lulabelle

So, in order to help with my decision making today I have:

-applied for a job in Bristol
-spoken at length with a recruitment consultant (legal) about possible vacancies in London
-booked my flight so can attend an information day at the graduate scheme I'm interested in

RosaBernicia

Hi Lulabelle

Have subscribed as I'm potentially doing something similar - not so much changing fields as going for a training scheme that would enable me to focus more on the aspects I like, and which would probably mean moving. I'm also 38 and keep saying I want to meet someone and must prioritise a social life... but need a kick ITA to do it.

I say go for it. Better to try it than regret. And I say that having spent my twenties training for something I don't quite do and probably won't for at least another five years. I think I'm on my 4th field of qualifications now... and although I moan that it distracts me from meeting someone, I would hate to be sitting in front of the TV wondering, and there are no guarantees about finding the right person anyway.

Good luck

Rosa xx