Real-life MMD: Should friend return years of free dinners now he's earning?

gaving7095

How many meals out are you guys having? If I wasn't earning or couldn't pay for whatever reason I would not be comfortable in repeatedly taking charity from friends, personally - but everyone's different.
Also, I WOULD be eager to repay my friends' generosity.
But no - you can't expect it. In my opinion you're better off just raising this with your friend directly (preferably in private) and accepting the consequences, whatever they may be, or else just shut up & accept it :-D

happyinflorida

As usual the information given isn't full of all the information needed and means the answers aren't too.

This "friend" has had years of free dinners or only paid something whilst not having a job.

Years is a long time. I think this person has been extremely lucky to be included for so long in this type of social group.

It doesn't say how many of you are involved in the usual going out group or how much the meals normally cost for one of you, ie giving some info as too how much you normally spend ie £5 or £25 or is it more? So has this person benefitted a small amount or a small fortune?!

Personally I was brought up to pay my way. I would have felt very guilty doing this for years and probably wouldn't have gone out with all of you as I'd have felt too guilty to not be able to afford to pay and allowing all of you to pay a lot for me or all of it for me.

However this person has received a great deal from you. He's gone out with you frequently for a meal and it's given him a social outing, that's great for him and maybe he's a great friend in some way, a great comedian who keeps you all in stitches? or something?

I would expect him to pay for you all to have a meal but over the years have you found out how he is living? Has he been on benefits and therefore has very little spare income? What's he spent his spare income on? Does he live at home? Is he a full time scrounger?! There isn't enough info again to know.

I would talk to him about it all personally - has he got debts? If yes, he should be paying them first and not going out, that's my way of thinking.

If no debts and he's ok financially and he's received his first enormous pay - then yes, he should take you all out and pay the whole bill - as a thank you at least.

You've been a very good friend and I personally would acknowledge friends who had been so good to me for so long and really be very, very grateful. So I think he should do something to show how grateful he is.

That's my way of thinking and how I was brought up!

sugarbaby125

I have never given to receive. I recognise that family and good friends accept my generosity, knowing it is always freely given and unconditional. I cannot stand by and refuse to help my family, friends or homeless people who are obviously in need. When it comes to family and friends giving back, I never expect them to and neither do I want them to. I do not want a tally kept of any giving. When they say thank you, that is more than enough for me, no further payback is necessary.

Please chalk this up to experience. Let the past giving to your friend go and move forward with your life. Be happy that at last your friend is fortunate enough to have found a job. Continue to be the generous person you have always been and do not let this experience with this particular friend change you. Being generous to him was your own choice, do not allow him to believe you are now all resentful of what you gave him willingly.

Ebenezer_Screwj

The next time you meet up I would say something like: "Isn't it about time it's your round?" and if he doesn't get the message exclude him from further outings. Why should a long period of freeloading be forgotten?

fiscalfreckles

It would be a nice gesture if he offered to treat you, but I doubt he is even thinking that you expect to be re-imbursed at all for what was taken as a kindness. Were you thanked at the time? Job done.
The basic difference is that originally you could afford it & he couldn't. And you offered. Now he can afford it & so pays his own way. But you can still afford it, so he probably sees no reason to offer. Giving & receiving shouldn't be a mathematical equation.