To become a sahm?

thriftylass

zagfles wrote: »

Personally I can't see the point in having children and then dumping them in childcare while they're still a baby. Google "attachment disorder".

That opens a hole other can of worms. If I wouldn't go back to work why even bother having a career, an education. let's just say all women who have kids stay at home and once in school go back to unskilled jobs if at all? Sorry but I love my son and we have a second on the way but I also cherish my time in my job (that I trained many years for) and amongst adults. And I like the independence my own income gives me (although it goes towards the family income obviously). I couldn't take more than a year off and be able to back to work where I left off. Both my parents worked and I'm fine.

I agree it depends on your situation. Does your job bring in enough money? Is going back to work even just worth it for the adult contact and keeping a foot in the door.

And as much as I agree that you shouldn't stay at home if you can't afford it it's rubbish as I would probably look to for ways to get help from the state if the family income is too low to do that especially if working would throw in the same problems (not enough wage to cover child care). I also like the suggestion to stay at home for a while and try and obtain further qualifications while off.

I hope you do whatever is right for you, good luck.

Poppie68

zagfles wrote: »

Advice is fair enough and the advice is still here, as above. The judgemental rubbish has been deleted as it should be. See the sticky link I quoted above.

There were lots of judgemental posts (not yours - which is why they weren't deleted).

Again - read the sticky. Obviously a judgement will be made about judgemental posts - and the forum team have made it.

If people don't like Martin's rules, they should find somewhere else to rant.

Who was judging???? We gave opnions YOU are the only one judging people and because your so up there with yourself and your opnions you can't see it.


Your posts need removing if you want to go the 'judemental' route(and you were the one who reported) What about your judging of working parents who 'dump their kids',
You came late into this thread and opened a whole new 'can of worms' (sorry stolen quote) and then precede to bring this to a whole new level.

zagfles

thriftylass wrote: »

That opens a hole other can of worms. If I wouldn't go back to work why even bother having a career, an education. let's just say all women who have kids stay at home and once in school go back to unskilled jobs if at all? Sorry but I love my son and we have a second on the way but I also cherish my time in my job (that I trained many years for) and amongst adults. And I like the independence my own income gives me (although it goes towards the family income obviously). I couldn't take more than a year off and be able to back to work where I left off. Both my parents worked and I'm fine.

Yes, there are swings and roundabouts to everything in life - but you should be aware of the pitfalls and benefits of any potential decison.

I agree it depends on your situation. Does your job bring in enough money? Is going back to work even just worth it for the adult contact and keeping a foot in the door.

And as much as I agree that you shouldn't stay at home if you can't afford it it's rubbish as I would probably look to for ways to get help from the state if the family income is too low to do that especially if working would throw in the same problems (not enough wage to cover child care). I also like the suggestion to stay at home for a while and try and obtain further qualifications while off.

Yup this is basically what my wife did, and went from an unskilled job before having kids to a professional job afterwards.

I hope you do whatever is right for you, good luck.

Seconded.

FBaby

Oh grow up. You broke the forum rules so your posts were deleted. Live and learn instead of whining like a baby

Well mine wasn't deleted and I too think you are full of yourself accusing others in a not so polite way of what you are doing badly yourself. How can you not see how patronising and judgmental your own posts are is unbelievable!!

How about practicing what you preach for a start!

princessdon

Well mine was deleted so I will ask Zagfels again.

If its best for a child to be at home, why take taxes from working mothers (who often have no choice) to allow others to stay home. Why don't we get a zero tax bill. Why don't we pay 5/10/19 years maternity pay, which is what tax credits act like for some to everyone.

zagfles

FBaby wrote: »

Well mine wasn't deleted

You didn't say much!

and I too think you are full of yourself accusing others in a not so polite way of what you are doing badly yourself. How can you not see how patronising and judgmental your own posts are is unbelievable!!

I don't get judgemental about people who ask benefits questions on the benefits board. Just about those who don't understand the purpose of this board and think they can sit in moral judgement on those asking. Well they can't, their posts will get deleted

How about practicing what you preach for a start!

Show me where I've sat in moral judgement on someone asking a benefits question on the benefits board. Anyway enough already - I'm not really interested in anyone else's whining and I'm sure the OP isn't either, so unless anyone wants to discuss the technicalities of the OPs benefit entitlement I'm not really interested.

Poppie68

FBaby wrote: »

Well mine wasn't deleted and I too think you are full of yourself accusing others in a not so polite way of what you are doing badly yourself. How can you not see how patronising and judgmental your own posts are is unbelievable!!

How about practicing what you preach for a start!

:rotfl:I take it the post in your quote FBay was aimed at me. I have put that particular annoying double standard poster on 'ignore' i don't think i have ever been so flamin angry at someone on MSE. She calls working mothers for 'dumping' their children and dares to tell them to check a link on something that can cause distress for some posters if they read it out of context(not implying anyone is stupid:rotfl:here).

Just one thing if i may use you as a 'porta':)l FBay


I was'nt moaning or whinning about my posts being deleted (not all though:D) I just can't get over your blatant arrogance.

Last thing i will ever say on this honest:D

zagfles

princessdon wrote: »

Well mine was deleted so I will ask Zagfels again.

If its best for a child to be at home, why take taxes from working mothers (who often have no choice) to allow others to stay home. Why don't we get a zero tax bill. Why don't we pay 5/10/19 years maternity pay, which is what tax credits act like for some to everyone.

Right, let's stick to facts not morality - don't want any more arguments. This might even be useful to the OP.

A lot of working mothers pay no tax as they're within the tax allowance. Couples who both work and earn above the tax allowance get the benefit of two tax allowances set against their household income, not one as in the case of a SAHP. So they are taxed less heavily. Couples who both work may be eligible for childcare tax allowances and tax credits. There is no allowance, tax break or tax credit for the "childcare cost" of a parent staying at home to look after their own children. Not yet anyway!

It's quite possible that someone in the OPs situation could get more in benefits/tax credits if she returned to work than if she stayed at home, without paying any extra tax.

princessdon

zagfles wrote: »

Right, let's stick to facts not morality - don't want any more arguments. This might even be useful to the OP.

A lot of working mothers pay no tax as they're within the tax allowance. Couples who both work and earn above the tax allowance get the benefit of two tax allowances set against their household income, not one as in the case of a SAHP. So they are taxed less heavily. Couples who both work may be eligible for childcare tax allowances and tax credits. There is no allowance, tax break or tax credit for the "childcare cost" of a parent staying at home to look after their own children. Not yet anyway!

It's quite possible that someone in the OPs situation could get more in benefits/tax credits if she returned to work than if she stayed at home, without paying any extra tax.

Quite - but they have a CHOICE of getting some money for staying home. It may not be much but it allows some independence and is something. Others have no choice. I'm lucky as my OH has always been on a good salary so any choice was mine alone, plus I took to work with me. Yet in all honesty it annoys me that I had to work for pennies per hour (real cost) and still pay tax on it. Why can't childcare costs be tax deductible? Others aren't so lucky. They have to work as own their home (no HB), mortgage needs paying and they cannot afford not to.

Other countries give tax breaks to parents, we don't, we give out at times a high level of CTC to some to allow them to stay home for 19 years and force others into working for pennies. Tax credits for some are like a very long extended maternity pay.

Then people like you judge them, blatantly state they are bad parents yet fail to see that they weren't offered the choice of extended maternity leave with pay!

zagfles

princessdon wrote: »

Quite - but they have a CHOICE of getting some money for staying home. It may not be much but it allows some independence and is something. Others have no choice. I'm lucky as my OH has always been on a good salary so any choice was mine alone, plus I took to work with me. Yet in all honesty it annoys me that I had to work for pennies per hour (real cost) and still pay tax on it. Why can't childcare costs be tax deductible?

For a start, they are, at least partially. But the childcare cost of a parent staying at home isn't deductible at all. I don't really see why a couple paying a nanny/childminder should be tax deductible whereas a (eg) a man paying his wife to look after their children isn't. They're both childcare costs.

Others aren't so lucky. They have to work as own their home (no HB), mortgage needs paying and they cannot afford not to.

Other countries give tax breaks to parents, we don't,

Indeed - other countries like France and the US give tax allowances to non-earners like SAHPs and children. We don't. The French and US tax systems are far better for single earner families.

we give out at times a high level of CTC to some to allow them to stay home for 19 years and force others into working for pennies. Tax credits for some are like a very long extended maternity pay.

But for most, being able to use non-earners' tax allowance is more beneficial than getting paid tax credits.