teen off the rails

Seanymph

My step daughter did much the same as this at 16. Told horrendous lies to her g/mother about her father and I, went there to live, was pampered and spoilt.

It lasted two years.

At the end of that time they wised up that she lied through her teeth all the time, stole, was ungrateful and lazy - and basically that they did us a terrible disservice.

I have nothing but sympathy for your situation, and suggest that you step back, stop supporting him (and them if they are being mugged by him) - and wait for the scales to drop from their eyes. They will you know.

Blackpool_Saver

When a teens behaviour has been so bad for so long, the bar lowers. It is like being in an abuse situation, you become numb to the vile things that are said. Behaviour that would shock outsiders becomes the norm.
The Nan has a lot to answer for.
No mention of any male relatives as usual.
Are there any positive male role models for this boy?

loracan1

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

The Nan has a lot to answer for.
No mention of any male relatives as usual.
Are there any positive male role models for this boy?

Since the OP mentions their parents I'd presume that at the very least there is a grandad on the scene. Teenagers can still behave awfully even when there are male role models around.

RFJ

I really think what's best is for you to find out why, he wouldn't just act out for no reason. In my experience there's a confidence issue, try as hard as possible to create an environment where he feels comfortable enough to be totally open with you. If you can't do this, try getting somebody who he feels comfortable with but whose ultimately on your side to talk to him.

Perhaps of more importance is getting your mum on your side, you all need to support each other through this as it's extremely difficult to do this on your own.

Whatever you may, please don't give up on him. You'll eventually get there, they do grow up.

Hope this helps and best of luck.

Blackpool_Saver

loracan1 wrote: »

Since the OP mentions their parents I'd presume that at the very least there is a grandad on the scene. Teenagers can still behave awfully even when there are male role models around.

Yes, but she never says her Dad, Op please can you clarify this (if you would like to of course)

Also, there is no mention of the child's father either.

I am not trying to be argumentative BUT if I were trying to straighten out a male teen I would try to get help from male elders.

Dunroamin

RFJ wrote: »

I really think what's best is for you to find out why, he wouldn't just act out for no reason. In my experience there's a confidence issue, try as hard as possible to create an environment where he feels comfortable enough to be totally open with you. If you can't do this, try getting somebody who he feels comfortable with but whose ultimately on your side to talk to him.

.

People, not only teenagers, often behave appallingly, just because they're allowed to. Confidence may also be an issue but in the sense that the son has too much of it, encouraged by the gradparents!

He obviously already feels that he can say whatever he likes to the OP but that's the problem, not the solution.

FBaby

I have worked with children who had been made wards of the court. They were trouble and very angry children (some pregnant and/or with children themselves).

I can say that in all cases, there were issues at home that lead them to become so angry and lashing against the world.

Your boy is clearly angry with you. He is expressing it badly, but that doesn't take away that the way he feels about you. Why so? I fail to believe that it is purely because of the discipline, unless it was extreme because most kids actually do welcome discipline in their lives. If he has mental health issues or learning difficulties, then these should be addressed.

I would say that your son has a much better chance of growing up a balance child if he can be in an environment where he feels settled even if he is using the situation than coming back to you angry all the time.

Pollycat

Why not take him off to the Jeremy Kyle show?

Seriously, your parents are at fault by not supporting you when it is clear that he is abusing you.

Has something changed in his life that may have caused him to go off the rails?

victory

That amount of anger towards you is running deep, for many many reasons that have been going between you both, in his life and there is always going to be a root cause of it, a teen or any other age that lashes out that way has always got a back history/story and feels they are not being heard properly and so lash out verbally and sometimes physically in the wrong way...

Your son wants your attention but is demonstrating so badly all you want to do is run away from him, which makes the whole problem much bigger...

The more you see each other and not sort it out with talking rather than clashing, understanding rather than anger, it spirals and more issues come up rather than finding a way to douse the flame...

You need to stop, think, work out what it could be, listen, hear what he is saying behind his anger, he feels he has been lost, he is not being heard, he is not loved and not cared for by you, get some CBT, always immensely helpful

petrol-head

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Yes, but she never says her Dad, Op please can you clarify this (if you would like to of course)

Also, there is no mention of the child's father either.

I am not trying to be argumentative BUT if I were trying to straighten out a male teen I would try to get help from male elders.

yes there are male role models around. his behaviour started when he was roughly 11, we were living with my ex at the time and 2 younger children. my son has no respect for my ex as a role model although he was in his life for many years.

when I left, my son came to live with me and I suffered depression quite badly. on the surface things seemed ok but deep down I was in pieces.

Throughout this I carried on working and providing. my son was given a house key for the first time and extra responsibility to help out. all he did was take an inch and run with it. I came home to a house full of teens, mess everywhere, front door left open when he went out as he 'couldn't be arsed to take his key'. money missing from my bedroom, he even allowed his friend to sleep in my bed! I found out he was smoking weed with these 'friends' (which according to his instagram account he still is!).

things changed rapidly when I took his key off him and told him if im not in he is to go to his nans. I then moved in with my partner who my son has known for years and gets on with but resents the reinforcement of discipline, hense why he tells me to go kill myself, I think he thinks back to the few months when I was really depressed as the best time in his life.......