teen off the rails

Blackpool_Saver

Yes, now I understand, circumstances, change, using weed to cope. (I do not condone this of course)
What I don't understand is why he is ok at your parents house, because if he is still using weed his behaviour there would be a problem too, or are they just giving in to placate him?

Also the behaviour change is at around start of high school, peers weed smoking etc

petrol-head

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Yes, now I understand, circumstances, change, using weed to cope. (I do not condone this of course)
What I don't understand is why he is ok at your parents house, because if he is still using weed his behaviour there would be a problem too, or are they just giving in to placate him?

Also the behaviour change is at around start of high school, peers weed smoking etc

unfortunately they just give in to him. ive told my mum several times he is on something and needs to see a doctor, she just glosses over it. my partner told her my son would end up in jail if hes not careful as he may be heavily involved in the drugs scene, my mum chose to fall out with my partner rather than listen.

it annoys the hell out of that all his life ive struggled to bring him up the best I can and now everything ive done is for nothing. my parents cant even back me up. emigraition is on the cards for me lol

travelgran

You say he's in an ebd school. Have you discussed the situation with them? You say he responds there and they have access to all sorts of specialist help.

carolan78

FBaby wrote: »

I have worked with children who had been made wards of the court. They were trouble and very angry children (some pregnant and/or with children themselves).

I can say that in all cases, there were issues at home that lead them to become so angry and lashing against the world.

Your boy is clearly angry with you. He is expressing it badly, but that doesn't take away that the way he feels about you. Why so? I fail to believe that it is purely because of the discipline, unless it was extreme because most kids actually do welcome discipline in their lives. If he has mental health issues or learning difficulties, then these should be addressed.

I would say that your son has a much better chance of growing up a balance child if he can be in an environment where he feels settled even if he is using the situation than coming back to you angry all the time.

I've not read all the thread yet but please take note of this post. You're son sounds very much like my brother in law was towards his Mum, we all put it down to his hormones ect

Fast forward 3 years and cutting the story very shot it became apparent he had serious mental health issues and has spent the last 7 years sectioned, he has been in and out of hospital a lot of those 7 years and has just had to be readmitted.

I do feel if we had picked up on it been a mental illness a lot sooner intervention earlier would never have seen it escalate to the scale it is now at.

Only you know what has gone on inside the home to judge whether there has been anything to make him angry at you, if there is no reason at all then please seek some medical advice. Good luck x

martinthebandit

Ah teenagers, just tell yourself there is nothing wrong with him that a few years growing up won't cure.


Although, speaking from experience those few years can seem like a very very long time.

carolan78

petrol-head wrote: »

yes there are male role models around. his behaviour started when he was roughly 11, we were living with my ex at the time and 2 younger children. my son has no respect for my ex as a role model although he was in his life for many years.

when I left, my son came to live with me and I suffered depression quite badly. on the surface things seemed ok but deep down I was in pieces.

Throughout this I carried on working and providing. my son was given a house key for the first time and extra responsibility to help out. all he did was take an inch and run with it. I came home to a house full of teens, mess everywhere, front door left open when he went out as he 'couldn't be arsed to take his key'. money missing from my bedroom, he even allowed his friend to sleep in my bed! I found out he was smoking weed with these 'friends' (which according to his instagram account he still is!).

things changed rapidly when I took his key off him and told him if im not in he is to go to his nans. I then moved in with my partner who my son has known for years and gets on with but resents the reinforcement of discipline, hense why he tells me to go kill myself, I think he thinks back to the few months when I was really depressed as the best time in his life.......

If he is smoking weed too then I would echo my last post even more. My brother in law used this to self medicate in effect. If you haven't already go talk to your/his GP about it all or even contact MIND for advice.

Seanymph

carolan that seems a very simplistic post to me - how to you make a teenage boy go with you to a gp and discuss mental health issues if they are unco-operative?

I speak as someone who got CAMHS intervention for a teenage girl, they agreed she had issues, we could all see issues but she would not co-operate at all so was discharged because there are so many children/teenagers needing that sort of support and the service is so stretched.

Teenage angst looks a lot like a lot of mental health issues - and weed abuse can be recreational/peer pressure/wanting to blend just as easily as self-medicating.

Your story with your brother in law isn't everyones story - and getting the right support for an aggressive teen who is manipulating grandparents who are facilitating poor behaviour just isn't that easy.

carolan78

Sean I never said she had to take him I just told her to go speak to the GP. Chances are she wouldn't get him to the GP under the circumstance, I am not stupid. The GP can and will speak to her about her son though especially if she has concerns regarding his mental health.

I know my story doesn't mirror everyone elses story and I did not at any point say this is the issue with her son. I would still strongly advise the mother to go speak to the GP though and if he is in a behavioural school possibly those too.

The fact is he is 15 years old and something has gone wrong somewhere, it doesn't matter what has gone wrong but I do know if that was my child as a parent it is my job to leave no stone unturned. Mum isn't getting the support from the grandparents so it is more difficult for her but she still needs to be banging down doors to try turn things around.

Mrs_pbradley936

This will pass - I hated my kids when they were teenagers. They were shoplifting, fighting, being arrested etc. I just wanted to let you know that lots of us have been where you are now.

Have a glass of wine and forget about the little sod for a couple of hours!