How to turn down a date?

Brighton_belle

aileth wrote: »

Is it? I had no idea... I call my OH sweet all the time...

Yes but he is already yr OH. Turning men down for a date by calling there request sweet is (as I understand it) a bit like patting them on the head and a bit immasculating ( in a non relationship situation). That what I have always understood from men anyway, doesn't make me right.

aileth

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Yes but he is already yr OH. Turning men down for a date by calling there request sweet is (as I understand it) a bit like patting them on the head and a bit immasculating ( in a non relationship situation). That what I have always understood from men anyway, doesn't make me right.

Hmm I can see the reasoning behind that, I've never had to turn a man down for a date :rotfl:

System

Maybe I'm a coward but I wouldn't be able to tell him that I don't feel attracted to him. However, I would keep saying no to any requests of dates. I'm sure he'd give up eventually. Don't give him any reasons for not being available. Just say no.

Ezmondino

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Yes but he is already yr OH. Turning men down for a date by calling there request sweet is (as I understand it) a bit like patting them on the head and a bit immasculating ( in a non relationship situation). That what I have always understood from men anyway, doesn't make me right.

Yes, it's a bit like when the tabloids call a lady "pretty".

ttc39

Now happily married but I had a few occasions when single where when I explained I didn't like someone in a going on date way - they got quite arsey :-(

Made out I had took their invite the wrong way - but I knew I hadn't

was horrid but better to have been up front x

alleycat`

As a bloke i have to say i didn't like the op's original response as it left an open invite for a second "go".

If you don't want to go on a date with someone you should just say so with clarity.

A second attempt was left as an unspoken possibility and just added some additional let down.

I understand it wasn't intended as hurtful but if someone has to ask you out by facebook i suspect they are not exactly confident to start with.

Not a judgement, just my 2 cents worth.

benb76

ttc39 wrote: »

Now happily married but I had a few occasions when single where when I explained I didn't like someone in a going on date way - they got quite arsey :-(

Made out I had took their invite the wrong way - but I knew I hadn't

was horrid but better to have been up front x

This is classic 'nice guy' syndrome. I'm going to guess that these guys that got arsey when you rejected them had been bending over backwards to be helpful to you at work, home or wherever you knew them from. Whilst you thought that they were genuinely being nice, all the kind and helpful acts were a covert contract in that they thought they'd earned the right to date you and that you'd broken your side of the deal by turning them down.

To the OP. You've probably dealt with this now but give a definite no to his offer. If you haven't felt romantically attracted to him in 3 years, going on a date with him where romance is involved will just make your skin crawl.

I'm probably going to get flamed for this last comment: women who date and have relationships and marry men that provide comfort and security, but that they're not immediately attracted to, tend to have affairs with men/bad boys that make them tingle in all the right places.

hazyjo

benb76 wrote: »

I'm probably going to get flamed for this last comment: women who date and have relationships and marry men that provide comfort and security, but that they're not immediately attracted to, tend to have affairs with men/bad boys that make them tingle in all the right places.

Not going to flame you as would kind of agree! Thought I'd share mine though... my first husband was one of those 'nice guys'. He'd slept with one woman (married her and divorced), he wasn't nice looking, he wasn't fit, he was bald, older, overweight (okay, he was seemingly lovely but he certainly wasn't a jack-the-lad/ladies' man). He didn't really drink, rarely went out, was happy to go along to things with me, never really complained, loved my family, took my nephew swimming every week... my mum had paired us up... anyway, enough info...

I remember when I first met him. I thought he was his work partner's dad! (It's what they'd jokingly told me). They were the same age! Three people mistakenly thought he was my dad when we were out!!!

Anyway, I said to my mum that I wasn't interested and would probably end up having an affair or something cos I just didn't think of him like that. But the love did grow. In the end, it was HIM (Mr Not-So-Nice Guy) who went off and had the affair! With his secretary!

People do have this b&w view of Nice Guys not getting the girls. They often do though! I put something up once about my relationship and people were assuming I went for 'the same type' and someone actually went on about me only going for the bad boys blah blah, ignoring the 'nice guys'. Actually, my second husband was no better looking and not a 'bad boy'. Just because I said he drank too much, people visualise this jack-the-lad who's out boozing with his mates. He was a middle-aged man, not good looking, who had trouble with expressing emotions.

OP, if you don't feel something after three years, I doubt you will. Sometimes the dynamics change after one does declare feelings, so don't entirely dismiss it. The seed of romance has been planted. See if anything grows now you know he's interested!

Keep us informed

Jx