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How to turn down a date?

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I need advice with wording.

I've known this guy about 3 years. This morning he sent me a message on Facebook asking me out, I think he is a bit shy to ask in person. Thing is, he's a lovely guy but I am not interested in him romantically at all.

What's the best way to word my reply? We belong to the same sports club so I don't want any awkwardness next time I see him. I don't want to say I'm not looking for a relationship because if the right person comes along I would be very happy, he's just not that person. I don't want to lie to him like that. He's asked me out to dinner tonight and I genuinely can't go, but don't want him to simply ask another night.

How do I gently say 'thanks but no thanks' without him (or me) being embarrassed next time we meet?
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Comments

  • Voyager2002
    Voyager2002 Posts: 16,208 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    You're busy this evening, so say so.

    If he asks again... why not give him a chance?
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,374 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Be totally honest. It will hurt, but less than it will do to find out you lied to him. Just say what you wrote here, that you appreciate him as a person, but don't feel romantically attracted to him. It will be up to him whether he wants to continue to be friends and move on, or feel sorry for himself and not want to have anything more to do with you.
  • marisco_2
    marisco_2 Posts: 4,261 Forumite
    It is nice to hear of someone being so concerned about how their response and actions might be interpreted or affect another person. Keep in mind though that no-one who asks someone out, expects to be taken up on their offer every time. Just be honest and say that you have a prior engagement tonight. Then advise this guy that though you like him as a person you don't wish to date him. That isn't offensive in any way and shouldn't cause any tension or problems between you both when you next meet.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
  • Thanks for the replies.

    Voyager it's not about giving him a chance, I've know him 3 years so I know there is no physical attraction on my part. He's lovely, a really nice guy and I almost wish I did 'like' him but I don't and it wouldn't be fair to him to pretend otherwise.

    I have replied to say I'm busy tonight, and I haven't suggested anything else so I'm hoping he'll take that as a hint. However if he does suggest another night then I will be straight and will say I'm not interested. He's a sensitive chap though, I really don't want to embarrass him as I know it must have taken a lot for him to pluck up the courage to ask me.
  • ViolaLass
    ViolaLass Posts: 5,764 Forumite
    I would make it clear you're not interested - it would be more embarassing for him if he asks again and you then make it clear. Be clear up front, it's kinder.
  • thick_tom
    thick_tom Posts: 2,174 Forumite
    all you have to say is 'thanks but no thanks' .
  • Bella73
    Bella73 Posts: 547 Forumite
    I think you should be honest too. Perhaps thank you for your lovely invite, however I can't make it tonight as I have plans and although I enjoy your company/friendship I really think of you only as a friend and do not see our friendship as being any more than it is.
  • gt568
    gt568 Posts: 2,535 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    You could tell him you're gay...:rotfl:
    {Signature removed by Forum Team}
  • bluenoseam
    bluenoseam Posts: 4,612 Forumite
    Always go with the truth, it'll hurt immediately but it'll be better long term.
    Retired member - fed up with the general tone of the place.
  • Tropez
    Tropez Posts: 3,696 Forumite
    "I'm flattered but I'm sorry, I don't think of you in that way."

    That's what they all said to me. All of them. Every single one.
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