giving up work to look after terminally ill husband

hoo

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Is there any way/would your MIL consider continuing to work part-time and maybe you/your husband/other family members help to care for FIL. I know this sounds insensitive and your MIL probably wants to spend precious time with her husband, but keep reading.

Unfortunately the circumstances of your FIL's illness are not yet known, his prognosis may not be good and if, if not, your MIL will have given up work/friends. Obviously she will still have friends but, afterwards, work may be the only thing that helps her get out of bed on a morning.

I can third this. When FIL had last stages of liver cancer a couple of years back the little bit of normality MIL had was going to work. We all thought she should've wanted to stay at home with him 24/7 but her way of coping with things which were beyond her control was to keep her daily routine. (My FIL was heavily sedated at times and a member of the family was always in the house which helped both MIL & FIL.)
In her words if she gave that up that then she would be giving up. It didn't mean she cared any less for FIL, situations like this don't come with a manual of how you should feel and no one has any place to judge.
The Mac nurses were excellent as were the District nurses and Prestige carers who for those few weeks became like an extended family.
Definitely speak with the Mac carers for benefit advice but the main thing is she does what's right for her and your FIL x

Sending hugs

no-oneknowsme

bloolagoon wrote: »

Then you should be very aware that people deal with things differently. I found your post very offensive as I am currently battling it 2nd time around, prognosis isn't good as it returned so quickly and I am warned it may spread very quickly this time.

I have young children, they are my priority as is my beloved husband. No one cracks, no one falls apart, not because I'm a heartless cow as you so nicely inferred I am and my family are heartless too, simply because I need strength. They day my loved ones crack I know it's over, there is no cone back from that. I need to see in their eyes that I'm going to survive it again, I need to know that my children will be ok, I need to take their strength. Their strength is my strength.

So whilst I continue to try to live life positively, for what is best for my family, you judge and say people like my family are heartless. It's not particularly nice to read judgemental comments like yours. Everyone affected by this horrid disease copes in different ways and to belittle those that don't fall apart is frankly uncalled for.

I am very sorry for what you are going through. I wish you all the best and hope that you remain strong and positive during the battle which you face.

I would however like to point out that I did not refer to you as a "heartless cow". That comment (as Im sure you actually already know) was directed at DUNROAMIN.

I also did NOT attempt to belittle anyone who does not fall apart whilst watching a loved one suffer. I think however you already know that too!

My comment referred to the fact that I think (in most cases) it is only human to suffer when you are watching a loved one suffer.

I dont mean to be rude but trust me , you may well think your family are coping remarkably well but I can guarentee you....when they are alone , in bed at night watching the clock tick by their true fears WILL surface. Been there done that .

lazer

Everyone has different ways of coping. My mum and I were discussing this within the last week or so.
Both me and my mum are the kind of people that get on with things whereas my Dad is the opposite.
When my mum's mother was dying of Cancer, my mum was of course devastated but still went to work and spent the evenings and weekends with her mother, she didn't fall apart and wallow, but thats the kind of person my mum is - she gets on with things - she went back to work a few weeks after their daughter died also (Their first child).
When my dad's brother was dying of cancer, he basically gave up work (In reality he was sacked and he just came and went as he pleased and he was doing shop security - so you can't just leave on the spot), and his method of grieving wazs much different to my mums.
Neither way is right, neither way is wrong, we all deal with things in our own way, but IMO it is better for your own health to carry on working when you can, it is good to keep busy and to talk about other things too.