How much board should I be paying?

jellyhead

Shelldean wrote: »

Jelly head

I give dinner twice a week, she is also home some wk ends, but not much else tbh. She is working and has her grant/loan so she buys her own clothes and gifts from herself to those she wishes to buy gifts for. She pays for her travel card and her mobile contract. My DD is 21 in ten days.
Her £35 is for her food, and washing/drying really. As due to the set up of the house where she stays she really isn't costing any more in heat as that would be on whether she was there or not, same and broadband sky etc. She probably pushes the electricity consumption up v slightly too. The real cost to rellie she stays with is for her food and that's not huge as she not only has dinner at mine twice a week but is fed at work another two nights*!!!!


I do recall reading about your extra teen nd you're starting from scratch with him aren't you? My DD took half her wardrobe with her so different situation. Her rellie doesn't provide anything like that.
I am glad you celebrated his birthday in style xxx ( my twins were also 18 yesterday)



Edited to say I think I misunderstood you.... of course we buy her gifts and cards for her birthday and Christmas. Thought you meant gifts from her for some bizarre reason!!!

Hi, yes we started from scratch with our extra teen. He was wearing a shirt that still fits him, and he's kept that but his jeans were too small and his shoes were falling apart. He said he enjoyed his birthday, and the teacher's strike meant he got a lie-in Are your twins in 6th form?

In your DD's situation I think the £35 sounds okay, it probably covers everything It's nice to be part of a close family where she can stay with relatives.

Dunroamin

virtuallyfree wrote: »

I think that you are doing really well working and studying.
Talk to your mum, explain that you would find it a struggle.
Maybe you could meet her in the middle.
My suspicion is that it is the man of the house behind this as most mums would not want to make money from our children.
I dont charge my son board, sorry, but its true, he is my son and i chose to have him! Good luck and ignore all the critics they are just old and grumpy!

X

Many responsible mothers want to bring up their sons to be independent and self reliant, rather than having everything provided by mummy, even when they're grown up!

jellyhead

Dunroamin wrote: »

Many responsible mothers want to bring up their sons to be independent and self reliant, rather than having everything provided by mummy, even when they're grown up!

I think it would depend on their age for me, but also whether they are studying. If they are A-level age then I'd expect them to fund things like a mobile phone, cinema trips etc. themselves from the tiny amount of pocket money I gave but I wouldn't expect them to pay board money while I was still getting child benefit. If they leave education (the rules are changing now, but mine could have left a year ago and done absolutely nothing, as a couple of his friends did!) then that's different.

I think I've just followed my mum's lead on that one, she charged the ones who weren't in education.

As for uni, I don't know. I worked and I lived on my grant/loan, but I think that if my son went to the local uni I wouldn't take board if he lived with me, not if he paid for his own food like OP does. If he ate my food then I'd want board money, but I wouldn't charge just for rent and utilities.

My brother lived at home during uni, but if my son went to the local uni I reckon he'd want to move out before the course ended.

Dunroamin

jellyhead wrote: »

I think it would depend on their age for me, but also whether they are studying. If they are A-level age then I'd expect them to fund things like a mobile phone, cinema trips etc. themselves from the tiny amount of pocket money I gave but I wouldn't expect them to pay board money while I was still getting child benefit. If they leave education (the rules are changing now, but mine could have left a year ago and done absolutely nothing, as a couple of his friends did!) then that's different.

I think I've just followed my mum's lead on that one, she charged the ones who weren't in education.

As for uni, I don't know. I worked and I lived on my grant/loan, but I think that if my son went to the local uni I wouldn't take board if he lived with me, not if he paid for his own food like OP does. If he ate my food then I'd want board money, but I wouldn't charge just for rent and utilities.

My brother lived at home during uni, but if my son went to the local uni I reckon he'd want to move out before the course ended.

I totally agree with not expecting any board from those studying full time up to the age of 18/19. I would hate to think that any child of mine would want to live at home whilst at university but, if they were to do so, I'd expect them to totally cover their living costs in the way of food and utilities. If they were to live at home after leaving education, I'd expect them to contribute to the household income quite substantially.

(Glad to hear that your "plus one" arrangement seems to be going well.:))

Candy53

I would say £200 per month too.

In this day and age, of course they should be paying towards their keep, with bills being so high. And, it helps to make them realize that they have to take some responsibility for paying towards the bills, as they are still benefitting from having the roof over their heads, and using the lecy and gas, food etc.

My son accepted this straight away, and pays £30 a week, he's on min wage, but my daughter, who is doing an apprenticeship, and on min wage, but lower one, went off on one because we wanted £20 a week from her! My eldest daughter had strong words with her, and reminded her that she was on a good thing still living at home, and if she had to live in a shared house, she would soon know what paying bills was like then.

She understood then, and appologised to us, and now pays us as a matter of course.


Candy

goodmorningsunshine

mikeandrach wrote: »

what I MIGHT do is force a savings account, ie give me x amount per month and I will save it for you, but that is the worst I could/would do

This is a good idea, but whatever you do DON'T tell them you are going to save it for them.

They will only come back to you and say I would really like a ...... car, holiday, new phone, laptop etc, etc but don't have enough money for it, do you think I could have some of that money you are saving for me, after all it is MINE.

Think of the lovely surprise they will have when you hand it to them when they eventually leave home.

Shelldean

jellyhead wrote: »

Hi, yes we started from scratch with our extra teen. He was wearing a shirt that still fits him, and he's kept that but his jeans were too small and his shoes were falling apart. He said he enjoyed his birthday, and the teacher's strike meant he got a lie-in Are your twins in 6th form?

In your DD's situation I think the £35 sounds okay, it probably covers everything It's nice to be part of a close family where she can stay with relatives.

Only one twin in 6th form, the other dropped out May half term, and is now doing an apprenticeship.

we're not a close family really, but DD is very close to this rellie. And as for the rest of us, I suppose when needs must we pull together.