How much board should I be paying?

Shelldean

I know it's going off topic but someone posted that you know when the benefits will stop, **Patty** said no not always. I simply agreed.


To the OP I still think you're paying a lot, my DD pays £35 a week to live with a rellie, but has just about everything provided for her, except mobile and travel.

jellyhead

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Well bully for your parents for being able to let you live as an adult for FREE, or occasionally take a tiny token amount from you, I am so glad they were well-off enough to support you with virtually NO financial contribution from you. However, not everyone is in that oh-so-fortunate position, and I take umbrage at the suggestion that people who ARE asking their WORKING ADULT children for money, are being mean and tight and rotten to them.

And whoop de doo, you were a homeowner at 24, (but you weren't really were you? you just took on a mortgage, which tied you down at a young age!) You say 'I was a homeowner at 24,' like it's some kind of special achievement: it isn't. Doesn't make you any better than anyone else, because you got a mortgage at 24!

And no most people don't/won't take money from their offspring while they are a uni student/studying/in full time education, but when a young adult child is WORKING, then they should be paying towards their keep. At least a fifth of their income. Why on earth shouldn't they pay something?

Stuff reality: it's about respect and decency and understanding that the cost of living is expensive, for almost everyone. Even if my parents had not wanted/needed anything from me: I would not have DREAMED of not contributing to the family budget when I worked full time. I gave them a quarter of my wages. I can't imagine why ANY working adult child would want to/expect to live rent and board-free.

But OP is a uni student full time ... I hope that if mine decide to live at home while studying I would be able to give them the opportunity to not have to work if they were struggling with their degree. I gave up my job in year 2 of my degree because I wasn't coping with the workload, and I wouldn't have got a first if I'd kept on working (they wouldn't let me cut down my hours).

My son is not at uni yet, but while he's at college I won't be charging him board, not even if he got a well paid part time job. I want him to have the opportunity to prioritise college if needs be. I buy his packed lunches, etc. but I don't provide money for coffees etc. with friends or other luxuries. He could manage if he didn't have any wages.

ETA: I haven't worked out the finances for what OP would have if he/she wasn't working, but I'd want mine to be able to scrape by on their grant and loan and I'm not sure if OP would be able to do that with board, food, car costs, etc.

jellyhead

geoffky wrote: »

It did, But until like many others these days the reality hits home, they fail to understand the subtle education they have been receiving all these years..
I hope you do not tell your kids when a pint of milk goes up because in this house we just pay the bills and do not worry about cost.
I undestand we are lucky but if you asked me or the wife what our outgoings are we both would not have a clue or really care..

I have a spreadsheet

(not for things like the cost of milk, just the outgoings from the bank, incoming income and the amount left over for weekly spending)

Dunroamin

Shelldean wrote: »

I know it's going off topic but someone posted that you know when the benefits will stop, **Patty** said no not always. I simply agreed.


To the OP I still think you're paying a lot, my DD pays £35 a week to live with a rellie, but has just about everything provided for her, except mobile and travel.

I think that's a really low amount to be paying even to parents, to another relative it comes close to taking the pee.

Shelldean

Dunroamin wrote: »

I think that's a really low amount to be paying even to parents, to another relative it comes close to taking the pee.

It's what was agreed. Orginally DD offered £50 a week rellie orginally refused to take anything. DD refused to live for free as she knows she is costing rellie extra in food at least and they compromised on £35.

Actually was big arguements over the amount.

jellyhead

£35 does seem quite low for everything, but are you providing some stuff for your daughter too? Birthday presents, christmas presents, stuff from home, clothes?

My extra teen pays me £44 (his income support) for everything including food but he didn't apply until he'd been with me for 2 months. I provide all of his clothes and things like buying him a bed, a coat, a schoolbag etc. which some kids would already have, or at least be able to get things from home rather than arriving in what they are wearing (shoes full of holes!) and not being able to get anything else from home.

Also, it was his 18th yesterday and my family were the only people who gave him cards or presents. I took him out for a meal and provided a pile of presents, and judging by the lack of contact from anyone in his family I suppose his christmas will be 100% down to me and my relatives too. I know it's not relevant to this thread, but I'm quite angry about it, sorry.

I suppose £35 might keep a child in food, heat and light if the parents were providing some of the other stuff.

SmlSave

£200 a month on a family of three for ALL regular shopping? - like £47 a week on EVERYthing? Food, nappies, detergents, alcohol, baby food (unless you breast-feed) cleaning stuff, all groceries? Where do you shop? 1989?

Just read Soleil lune response to the fact that we budget our shopping (yes, its taken me ages to catch up on this thread!) I was only 5 in 1989 but would like to point out there are people out there who spend even less than me! We overspent £88 last month because I started stocking up for Xmas - cheap champs was half price!

Off the current topic, yes but thought I'd like to respond.

virtuallyfree

I think that you are doing really well working and studying.
Talk to your mum, explain that you would find it a struggle.
Maybe you could meet her in the middle.
My suspicion is that it is the man of the house behind this as most mums would not want to make money from our children.
I dont charge my son board, sorry, but its true, he is my son and i chose to have him! Good luck and ignore all the critics they are just old and grumpy!

X

sacha28

I've skimmed through the thread and have had a bit of a chuckle and have also been horrified at some of the comments on here. Here is my addition.....

You are a full time uni student and pay all of your own bills and buy your own food. £130 for basically sleeping in your childhood bed is fairly reasonable, anything else would, imo, be extortion as your mum is not providing anything else for you. The fact she has lost her benefits (if this is wrong I apologise but I don't have time to read 16 pages!!) is of no concern to you. Most people don't have children because they get good benefits for having them so she really shouldn't be using you as personal back up system.

I have strong feelings on this subject. When I was 14 my mum asked ss if I could go back to live with her, which I did. In the safety of the care system I had managed to get myself a little p/t waitressing job and earned £50pw. Each week (for the 6 months I lived there before returning to care) she would take my little brown envelope off me and £35 for herself as she had 'lost her cb as I hadn't been living there a while'. It's only as I reached adulthood that I realised just how wrong this was.

As long as my son is preparing for his future then I will be more than happy for him to live with me for free. Once he finishes whatever it is he is doing and he has a job he will be paying what we agree is reasonable (tho I have been thinking that if I charge what a flat would cost he would soon get peeved and find his own place. I really don't want my boy living with me when he's 40!!!)

The way I see it, your mum should actually not have lost/gained anything as you are buying your own things so she no longer needs to fork out for them, so the money she was getting is immaterial. If any of this is way off I apologise again!

Shelldean

jellyhead wrote: »

£35 does seem quite low for everything, but are you providing some stuff for your daughter too? Birthday presents, christmas presents, stuff from home, clothes?

My extra teen pays me £44 (his income support) for everything including food but he didn't apply until he'd been with me for 2 months. I provide all of his clothes and things like buying him a bed, a coat, a schoolbag etc. which some kids would already have, or at least be able to get things from home rather than arriving in what they are wearing (shoes full of holes!) and not being able to get anything else from home.

Also, it was his 18th yesterday and my family were the only people who gave him cards or presents. I took him out for a meal and provided a pile of presents, and judging by the lack of contact from anyone in his family I suppose his christmas will be 100% down to me and my relatives too. I know it's not relevant to this thread, but I'm quite angry about it, sorry.

I suppose £35 might keep a child in food, heat and light if the parents were providing some of the other stuff.

Jelly head

I give dinner twice a week, she is also home some wk ends, but not much else tbh. She is working and has her grant/loan so she buys her own clothes and gifts from herself to those she wishes to buy gifts for. She pays for her travel card and her mobile contract. My DD is 21 in ten days.
Her £35 is for her food, and washing/drying really. As due to the set up of the house where she stays she really isn't costing any more in heat as that would be on whether she was there or not, same and broadband sky etc. She probably pushes the electricity consumption up v slightly too. The real cost to rellie she stays with is for her food and that's not huge as she not only has dinner at mine twice a week but is fed at work another two nights*!!!!


I do recall reading about your extra teen nd you're starting from scratch with him aren't you? My DD took half her wardrobe with her so different situation. Her rellie doesn't provide anything like that.
I am glad you celebrated his birthday in style xxx ( my twins were also 18 yesterday)



Edited to say I think I misunderstood you.... of course we buy her gifts and cards for her birthday and Christmas. Thought you meant gifts from her for some bizarre reason!!!