Dealing with diffcult toddler

Wellgood

Can anyone give me any ideas on dealing with my 2 year old. At the moment she seems to scream a lot( one of those ear piercing screams that only kids can do!)/ throw tantrums when she doesn't get her own way and I am not sure how best to stop this behaviour. Do you think using things like the naughty step/time out is best or more of a reward approach where you reward them for good behaviour i.e good girl stickers on a sticker chart. Just want to get any useful tips from parents out there. PS- at school and child minder they say she behaves like an angel!!!!!!

amus

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. Give tantrums and screaming fits no attention whatsoever, neither positive nor negative. Don't even look at her.

My son was a tantrum thrower / headbanger and attempting to placate him or punish him only made it worse. He still tantrumed but not for as long when ignored.


He stopped at 3. I think tantrums are mostly a communication issue (which is why they call it the terrible twos), most kids grow out of it once you are able to reason with them and they can understand what's going on.

delain

As long as it's safe to (ie not if they are trying to run in to a road!) just ignore the temper. After a minute or 2 they will realise it's not working and stop.

2 is too young for sticker charts! They are not immediate enough.

Lots of praise when they are being good is absolutely key. Make a big OTT fuss of every good thing she does.

Practice a good firm 'NO' and stick to it.

Talk to nursery about how they deal with things there and apply the same strategies to your daughter.

Alikay

Whatever you choose to do, consistency is the key, so don't punish the screaming with time out twice, then ignore it the next time. Screaming is unacceptable due to its effect on other people and the potential danger from startling others, distraction in the car etc so I'd be getting down to her level, making eye contact and saying a firm "No screaming". If she didn't stop she'd be removed to the naughty step for a couple of minutes.

Alikay

Ignoring bad behaviour can be effective too, but it's important to let them know you're deliberately ignoring it, rather than you just haven't noticed IYKWIM!

bossymoo

Definitely ignore! Actually turn away from them (as long as they are safe). When there is a gap in screeching say "I can only answer proper words" in a calm low voice. But be consistent.

Mine are now 3 and 4 and we use "yes and no days" where if they are being unhelpful, mean to each other or just plain annoying, I ask if we are having a "no day". DD went through a phase of saying no everytime I asked her something, so I said "ok if we're having a no day, I'm saying no to everything too" and for the next hour I really did. No snacks, no stories, no playing out - everything they asked! After that hour they were both begging me to stop lol, and now just the mere mention of a "no day" can bring them round to more reasonable behaviour :rotfl:

There are bound to be times when you flip out, but if you can keep calm 90% of the time, they soon learn the lay of the land.

x

pukkamum

My toddler is doing the same and I use the step, often as a way of removing her from me because I am on the verge of launching her through the window!
I started zero tolerance, I told her if she screamed tantrumed etc she would go on the step with the door shut, I made sure everyone else was on board too.
She gets one warning and if she continues shes on the step til she calms down, be warned this can take a while.
She has gone from being on the step about a thousand times a day to perhaps once or twice a week, usually the threat is enough.
I dont believe in rewarding good behaviour, good behaviour is a must not something done for reward.

hgotsparkle

As other have said, ignore it all. That way she will learn that tantrums get her no where.If she has a screaming fit in a shop then pick her up, no eye contact, no words and hold her hand and just walk.

duchy

Ah the terrible twos
I have memories of walking up the high street with a trantruming toddler tucked under my arm ...he went through a phase of stopping dead when out and screaming and refusing to move. I'd ask him to stop-eye level contact-if he didn't quit under the arm he'd go. No telling off- I just took control and we went home. He soon went off that particular stunt.

It must have looked very odd me marching up the road ignoring him-with him wrigging under my arm but it worked !

Corelli

Screaming and tantrum are generally a communication issue, as mentioned before.

What I found rewarding and helpul in the long term was to get on the same level as my children, make eye contact and help them give words to the difficult feelings. Given, of course, that you know what the trigger has been. For example your child might be frustrated about not getting a treat. Acknowledge that they would have liked an ice cream, and that it is sad. They need to have their emotions validated. Then try and move on from there without responding emotionaly yourself. Explain that you cannot hear with the screaming and can they tell you the problem? Reassure with hugs and try distraction with something else interesting. Hang on in there, this stage does not last long and when they get the vocabulary and emotional maturity .. ha! you move onto the next issue. Our job as parents is to help them gain that emotional maturity.

This is a great article. http://www.positive-parents.org/2011/07/positive-parenting-in-action-tantrums.html

ariba10

It is normal for a two year old.

(She is probably practising to be a woman)