Can I take my ex to the small claims court?

CATS

l9lottie82, I am interested, rather than being brought up how? My son is a lovely independent young man. I am very proud of him so would be interested to find out what you mean? I am lucky that I have worked hard and at least I am able to do whatever I want with my money so please explain what you mean rather than being brought up like this!!!!

19lottie82 wrote: »

Realistically? No, sorry.

Things have been hard for you but from the sounds of it you have raised a sensible, independent and intelligent girl. Be proud that you did that on your own, rather than being angry - it won't get you anywhere now.

And imho, your daughter may have gone without a few things but I think that may be to her benefit in the long run, rather than being brought up like this

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4769725

Funky_Bold_Ribena

CATS wrote: »

l9lottie82, I am interested, rather than being brought up how? My son is a lovely independent young man. I am very proud of him so would be interested to find out what you mean? I am lucky that I have worked hard and at least I am able to do whatever I want with my money so please explain what you mean rather than being brought up like this!!!!

I agree [as pointed out earlier] and as 19lottie82 'stands by her point' I'd love to know what that point actually is.

CATS

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I agree [as pointed out earlier] and as 19lottie82 'stands by her point' I'd love to know what that point actually is.

yes thank you Funky Bold Ribena, I really would like her to explain what she means. Had I said my son is a horrible, bad mannered brat who demanded money and had no respect, he is an alcoholic, junky and I have no idea what to do with him I would have understood her point. As it is, my son is a wonderful polite boy who everyone comments on how well behaved he is and polite when they meet him. He does help out in the house, he is part of the RAF Cadets, will soon start working without pay as one of my friends has offered to take him on. He is considerate, generous loving and thoughtful. Yes he is still learning/Struggling to budget but he will learn as I will try not to make the mistakes any more. So lottie, I am not usually rude but I think in this instance you have quoted wrongly and tried to make a point without actually knowing what you are talking about.

OP I am sorry to hijack your post

19lottie82

CATS, I have never insulted your son. I have never suggested he is a brat or bad mannered. I believe you 100% when you tell us what a nice lad he is.

I'm sorry if you feel that I have personally insulted him or his character, but I haven't.

As I have already explained, I'm using the comparison to predict which child will have a healthy relationship with money in the FUTURE...... a child who has everything they want and loads of pocket money and doesn't really understand the value of money OR a child who has seen his / her parents struggle, has had to go without some of the things that their peers get on a regular basis and realises that they will have to budget.

I do however think that the OP's daughter will be better "financially educated" when she enters adulthood than your son, as she hasn't had loads of pocket money and designer clothes.

In your post, there are plenty of stories from other posters where they have been at uni with kids who have never had to go without, then have spent their whole loan within the first week then had to go back to their parents with their cap in hand because they then had no money to eat for the rest of term.

Again, if I had insulted your son, I would apologise and admit I was wrong, but I haven't and I stand by my point. In fact, it seems to echo the general consensus of your own thread, which you didn't seem to have a problem with.It's nothing personal. I'm sorry if you don't agree.

CATS

19lottie82 wrote: »

CATS, I have never insulted your son. I have never suggested he is a brat or bad mannered. I believe you 100% when you tell us what a nice lad he is.

I'm sorry if you feel that I have personally insulted him or his character, but I haven't.

As I have already explained, I'm using the comparison to predict which child will have a healthy relationship with money in the FUTURE...... a child who has everything they want and loads of pocket money and doesn't really understand the value of money OR a child who has seen his / her parents struggle, has had to go without some of the things that their peers get on a regular basis and realises that they will have to budget.

I do however think that the OP's daughter will be better "financially educated" when she enters adulthood than your son, as she hasn't had loads of pocket money and designer clothes.

Again, if I had insulted your son, I would apologise and admit I was wrong, but I haven't and I stand by my point. It's nothing personal. I'm sorry if you don't agree.

I love that you have a magic ball lottie and can see how my son is going to grow up, and therefore stick to your point. Never mind that I am educating him now, because of his priviliged background he will not be good with money?
Never mind that maybe having had a priviliged background might mean that he wants to continue having that, and is already thinking of business ideas for when he gets a bit older? not to mention having already bought some shares in companies (which yes I have bought but with money he has saved from birthdays and xmasses, yes he gets a lot of money for these as he is an only child, only gran child, only nephew. I know I need to teach him about budgeting but perhaps he might not need to learn to budget, if his aim to set up his bussiness and shares work out, he might be ok after all, even after not having had to struggle as a child, imagine that!!! after all people who have been priviled also have a lot of doors opened to them.

I also think that you pointing this thread to the OP is incensitive as she is struggling with money and may feel bad about her daughter having to go without and knowing there are kids out there who don't.

OP I apologise for that.

19lottie82

I have NOT claimed to have a crystal ball and I have NOT said that your son, personally will definitely not have any problems with money. You seem to have got the idea that I have personally attacked your son, I haven't. If you are certain that I have please let me know where and I will apologise.

I agree that my original phrase "brought up like this...." could have been worded better, so I'm sorry if you took offense to that part of my post.

All I am saying is that a child (any child) who has had to go without during certain points of their childhood, is more likely, in GENERAL, to be able to understand and manage / budget their money better as an adult.

I'm sure the OP sees this too. I was only trying to reassure her, that her struggles are likely to have had at least one positive result on her daughter (as my mothers did on me). What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all that jazz. I don't think it's insensitive at all, there was no need to apologise for me.

Again, all I'm really doing here is re hashing what others pointed out on your original post, and you agreed with that, I'm really not sure what's so different?

sacha28

Moving back to the point ladies.......(you can start another thread to continue your argument if you so wish but this lady has asked for advice on her situation, sorry to be harsh!)

Surely the point here is that this man has produced a child and yet shirked his responsibility? Whether you went back to uni or not (and well done for doing so, fair play ) you should have been getting help for the upkeep of your child.

Having just looked at the CSA website, it is possible for them to track this man down with, or without, his co-operation. It is possible for them to calculate arrears and contact his employer for his earnings and do an attachment to earnings. He could also face a £1000 fine for refusing to disclose his finances appropriately.

I have long voiced my opinions on the importance of getting things like this drawn up in a traceable manner. On the other foot, when my oh got kicked out she insisted on him paying maintenance cash and refused to give him a receipt. She also refused to have a standing order set up. My oh was very silly and agreed to this until I pointed out that his payments weren't provable and she could well go to the csa in a few years and make up that he had paid nothing. He approached the CSA and when they spoke to her, sure enough, she told them he hadn't paid in the 4 months since they split. A hard lesson to learn for him!!!

Just out of interest, does his other family know about you and your daughter? Could you appeal to her?

sacha28

Moving back to the point ladies.......(you can start another thread to continue your argument if you so wish but this lady has asked for advice on her situation, sorry to be harsh!)

Surely the point here is that this man has produced a child and yet shirked his responsibility? Whether you went back to uni or not (and well done for doing so, fair play ) you should have been getting help for the upkeep of your child.

Having just looked at the CSA website, it is possible for them to track this man down with, or without, his co-operation. It is possible for them to calculate arrears and contact his employer for his earnings and do an attachment to earnings. He could also face a £1000 fine for refusing to disclose his finances appropriately.

I have long voiced my opinions on the importance of getting things like this drawn up in a traceable manner. On the other foot, when my oh got kicked out she insisted on him paying maintenance cash and refused to give him a receipt. She also refused to have a standing order set up. My oh was very silly and agreed to this until I pointed out that his payments weren't provable and she could well go to the csa in a few years and make up that he had paid nothing. He approached the CSA and when they spoke to her, sure enough, she told them he hadn't paid in the 4 months since they split. A hard lesson to learn for him!!!

Just out of interest, does his other family know about you and your daughter? Could you appeal to her?