Fed up

Mojisola

aileth wrote: »

I have discussed it with him countless times. This is the first time I've got really angry. He's not seeking help because he 'forgets' to book or if I book it for him he 'forgets' to attend, which I got out of him before that he didn't forget he just didn't want to go (probably too busy gaming)

Until he wants to change, he won't.

If he wanted to change, he'd make sure he remembered to go to appointments even if he had put up reminders to himself somewhere he couldn't miss them or set an alarm to give himself time to get there or ask you to phone him to remind him.

If you've tried discussing it and being supportive, perhaps it's time for some tough love.

Errata

aileth wrote: »

I know, but what can I do? I can't force him at all. I don't know if the lie this afternoon is linked to his depression, but there's been many an occasion where he's done similar and later when I've asked why its 'because I felt down so sat on PC and didn't wanna admit to doing nothing.'

Recently there is so much 'I didn't do x because I was down', 'I forgot X because I was down', etc. maybe it's the way he says it, but the way it comes out just doesn't feel genuine.

When the depression was at its worst, he'd never talk about it unless I did, and certainly never used it as an excuse.

This may be helpful, or not. I had a relative whose constant refrain was "I can't do that, I've got xxxxx" and "How do you expect me to do that, I've got xxx". Total PITA for everyone and a life not well lived for them.

MothFilledWallet

On a side note (emotions are valid and venting is healthy).
Grand Theft A*to 5 may be to' blame'..... my OH was out all day and wasn't responding to texts either, just found out he was around one of his friends 'watching' it. It's a BIG thing from what I hear and he went out at about 9am today as we needed milk.....it's now 4pm(ish) and all he's done for the past 20 minutes is babble about it being "oh so cool!".
He's heading back out soon to go 'watch' so more

Just a thought....

HPoirot

Jox wrote: »

It's hard having a partner who seems to need mothering, my OH can make me feel like that, I've been to so many doctor appointments, specialist appointments, physio, MRI, accupuncture with him over the past 5 years, trying to get to the root of his problems, always there for him holding his hand, and when I catch a cold or hurt myself he always seems to make a point that his pain is greater than mine....sometimes we have to take a step back for the sake of our own sanity - don't bail him out financially, put yourself first, do something nice for yourself, let him sort himself out. Have a rant, hopefully will make you feel better xx

^^^^^^^^^ spot on

paulineb_2

Why is your friend watching what your husband is doing and why is it any of her business?

Does your husband work from home?

sassyblue

Tough love is required IMO. So he has depression, what is he going to do about it?

I'd have a chat with him but make it firm that the time for wallowing has long gone, you now want action.

Depression is an illness not a constant excuse. Good luck OP.

Btw l suffer from depression but would never want to be a burden on anyone for a length of time, he's being unfair to you.

sassyblue

aileth wrote: »

Had a friend talk to me this morning, ask whether my OH was working today. I said yes, of course, why, she responded that he was online on an online gaming site.

Check your bank statements and credit cards too, your friend may have told you because she can see how much he's gambling?

marisco_2

To be honest it sounds to me as if your husbands depression is getting worse. You say he cant be bothered to take medication, makes excuses about not having done things because he feels down and forgets to book or attend doctors appointments. Theses are the behaviours of someone struggling to function day to day, who cant accept that he has problems and that he needs to seek help for himself. He prefers to take himself off into his own reality and only cope with what he really has to.

Understandably this must be putting a huge strain on your relationship. You are currently left doubting how honest your husband is being with you, and long term this could drive a wedge between you. I also think that there could be an element of you being in denial about just how negatively your husbands condition affects him. Depression at its most extreme can be crippling. For both your sakes I would suggest sitting down and talking this situation through and trying to reach an agreement on how to move forward more positively from this point.

Kayalana99

Perhaps abit out their but he isn't in debt with gambling is he?

Maybe your friend mentioned it because she/he sees him online alot?

Just wondering as it could be another reason for depression if he is getting into trouble with money.

paulineb_2

Its a gaming site, doesnt mean its gambling as well.