Feeling bullied and my face doesn't fit

AliceBanned

Hi

I've worked for my employer for 5.5 years. The job is ok and secure.

A previous colleague performed poorly and was "managed out" of the organisation, if you see what I mean.

Recently I have noticed a few things, things said by my manager and director, which have made me feel paranoid. I have done lots of extra work over the past year and nearly went unacknowledged in an important report. My director is good friends with the project manager of the report, who simply didn't like me, no idea why and wouldn't work well with me, despite my efforts.

I have just taken on a mortgage and am worried as thought my job was secure. I'm feeling unhappy at work and I know that with bullying it is almost impossible to prove, particularly when it is so subtle. A lot of things have been said and done behind my back - I simply know it because of actions that followed.

I perform well at my job and in a weird way I have often felt undermined because of this. A piece of praise in an email that I was blind copied into, sent to my manager from an Oxford Professor, saying what an asset I am, was not relayed back to me. I confronted my manager on this. He made excuses but of course I feel paranoid in such an environment.

Is all work like this, I feel doomed to misery at the moment. I just feel paranoid, but not without reason. Thanks. ps we don't have a union, just an internal type of organisation intended to support staff; which in no way supported my colleague who effectively was sacked. Important to note that she deserved it - but then so do many other people at work but due to their popularity they get away with doing far less than she did. Shall I just go out all holds barred to get a new job, to prevent a dangerous situation? Thanks.

I just feel that for some reason no one here has really liked me. It is strange but there just seems to be something really wrong, can't believe I've stayed so long. But maybe everywhere is like this.

duchy

I think you should be actively looking for a new job as you are obviously unhappy where you are.
In a weird way just looking for a new job may very well make you feel better in your current role as it won't feel hopeless and endless the way it does at the moment.

Sometimes we just get into a rut and stay too long - definitely start proactively looking now rather than wait until things become unbearable.

Good luck !

AliceBanned

duchy wrote: »

I think you should be actively looking for a new job as you are obviously unhappy where you are.
In a weird way just looking for a new job may very well make you feel better in your current role as it won't feel hopeless and endless the way it does at the moment.

Sometimes we just get into a rut and stay too long - definitely start proactively looking now rather than wait until things become unbearable.

Good luck !

Many thanks. I am in a rut - will definitely start this week.

Southend1

A union may not be recognised by your employer, however that does not stop you from joining one or from them supporting you. Your union rep will also be able to represent you at any grievance or disciplinary hearing. I would advise you to join ASAP because a union is unlikely to help with any problem that arose before you joined.

floss2

AliceBanned wrote: »

..... A piece of praise in an email that I was blind copied into, sent to my manager from an Oxford Professor, saying what an asset I am, was not relayed back to me. I confronted my manager on this. He made excuses but of course I feel paranoid in such an environment.....

Yes I have lifted this excert completely out of context, however, you WERE praised, and this was sent to you by blind copy. Your manager may not be the greatest at sharing things, may be so busy they did not notice the praise, or may have thought you were already aware. Or they may have listed things such as this for your appraisal or next 1-to-1 meeting.

Also, confrontation can cause people to react in different ways. If I "confronted" my manager over a matter such as this, then she would behave in a different manner to me in such a situation. Confrontation in the workplace is not always the best way to go about things, discussion and cooperation are generally more effective in my 30 years experience.

I don't get praise and have my head patted every time praise is given to others about me - it usually comes to me in a more appropriate setting or time.

ILW

Why do you feel that you have a need and a right to be praised?

AliceBanned

I don't feel I have a need and right to be praised. I was praised, and the point is, if I hadn't been blind copied, I would never have known. This is part of my appraisal - evidence etc which I need to build up otherwise I earn a pittance. In that sense it is my right, as it was given, and then, potentially withheld by my own line manager. I did wait, and I did give him opportunity, throughout a 1-1, and I was not confrontational - I simply asked why it hadn't been mentioned. I also reported it to HR, who were horrified and said no wonder I didn't trust my manager and it was not the right way for him to have behaved. The point is, I did a good job and someone wanted him to know, but he chose to ignore it when it only takes a minute to relay that or forward on the email. To not do so and even when given the opportunity not to do so, I would class as dishonest, if I did that to someone as their line manager. Maybe I am just too honest for all this crap that people play at work. I'm sick of it, and so sick of the insecurity over my livelihood that I have started to think of suicide.

So please don't come on here judging me about other people's behaviour, it's not my fault.

AliceBanned

The whole point is that I do a good job, and my department is so dysfunctional that this is a threat and a problem to my line manager and director, who are not quite right in their behaviour - I am far from being the first one to feel threatened by them, and far too many insidious things have happened to allow me to feel relaxed and comfortable at work.

Frankly I have no idea where to turn but will try a union as I feel so insecure.

ILW

AliceBanned wrote: »

The whole point is that I do a good job, and my department is so dysfunctional that this is a threat and a problem to my line manager and director, who are not quite right in their behaviour - I am far from being the first one to feel threatened by them, and far too many insidious things have happened to allow me to feel relaxed and comfortable at work.

Frankly I have no idea where to turn but will try a union as I feel so insecure.

Don't think I have ever felt relaxed and comfortable in a job. Keeps you on your toes.

I have always been happy to settle on a pay cheque at the end of the month and they can say what they like about me.

Southend1

OP if you are contemplating suicide or just need someone to talk to I urge you to call the Samaritans. http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

Southend1

ILW wrote: »

Don't think I have ever felt relaxed and comfortable in a job. Keeps you on your toes.

I have always been happy to settle on a pay cheque at the end of the month and they can say what they like about me.

There's a difference between feeling slightly insecure and contemplating suicide. OP clearly needs some help and support.